Thankfully, Eddie doesn’t seem to expect a reply, or he notices how emotional I am now. Whatever the reason, he reaches over to adjust the volume on the radio and continues driving.
The rest of the trip drags on, an influx of traffic adding minutes to the drive. Finally, Eddie pulls into the driveway and parks in front of a garage door. Before I can unbuckle her belt, Holden pulls open her door and nearly vibrates as he waits for me to step out of the car. My feet touch the ground, and his arms tug me in against his chest. The bone-crushing embrace gives me the chance to breathe in the sharp, clean scent of him. Something in me shifts, an empty space in my soul filling and disappearing with the contact. My eyes sting, vision blurring, by the time we separate.
“I missed you,” I say on a tremulous breath.
“I missed you, too. Fuck, I’m so glad to see your face.” Holden presses a tender kiss to my lips—so soft and sweet—then grins brightly. “Now, I’m gonna get Ashton, if you don’t mind.”
“Go ahead. I know wild horses couldn’t stop you.”
“Truer words have never been spoken.”
I stand just behind him, watch as he ducks into the backseat. My brows rise when he unbuckles the clips of Ashton’s carseat without trouble or hesitation. Eddie catches my eye, jerks his head in Holden’s direction.
“He’s been practicing,” he mouths, and I could cry with the emotions welling up in me.
Ashton’s sleepy whine turns into a screech of Holden’s name. He launches his tiny body into Holden’s arms, and Holden holds him close as he backs away from the car. I push the door closed once they’re out of the way. Both of my favorite boys ignore me completely. Ashton chatters on, and Holden lets himself be engrossed by the words. He carries the toddler into the house without a backward look.
“I have a feeling we’re not wanted anymore,” I say lightly, shaking my head.
Eddie huffs out a laugh and opens the trunk with the push of a button. “As I said, he’s very fond of Ashton.”
I take the suitcases from his hands, leading him inside. He goes to the kitchen while I carry the luggage to Holden’s bedroom. My footsteps slow when I near the room across the hall. Inside, Holden sits on the floor with Ashton, showing off a line of books geared for children. A small box spills toys onto the floor in the corner. A nightlight is plugged into the outlet nearest the bed. The room screams of someone putting in the work to transform it from an adult’s space to one a child can be safe in.
Holden glances over his shoulder, grins brightly, then he turns back to Ashton. “And this is Henry’s favorite book. He’ll be here in a couple days, so you’ll have a friend to play with.”
“‘Nee?”
“Yeah, Henry. You’ll like him.”
After brushing a gentle kiss to Ashton’s hair, Holden shifts the toddler off his lap and climbs to his feet. Ashton immediately heads to the toy-box and rummages through it. I can’t stop my smile at the sight, at his confidence, at his curiosity. Holden leans forward and presses his lips to mine.
“Hi,” I whisper when he pulls back.
“Hi. Figured he could stay in here, since Henry uses the room when they’re over.”
“It’s very much appreciated.”
“Good.” He kisses me again. “Thanks for saying yes to spending the holidays with me.”
“Thank you for inviting us. And before you ask, no, I didn’t have plans already.”
Holden nods slowly, his hand cupping my jaw as he kisses away any further words, and I smile against his lips. When we separate, he calls for Ashton, waits for him to approach, and wraps a hand around the child’s smaller one. My heart skips a beat as I stare at the hands. The sight is wonderful, promising so much good in our futures. Peace and love and security, those are what Ashton deserves. And this happiness? This steadfast affection for such an amazing man? It’s whatIdeserve.
I may lose it all, but I’ll hold onto it with both hands while I have it.
The day passes in a blissful blur. Ashton explores the house with Holden keeping him out of anything that can hurt him, and Eddie and I watch the two. Conversation flows easily between us, despite Holden’s preoccupation, and I have to force my thoughts away from how right it feels to be here. I can’t stay.
Eddie takes his leave when Ashton begins yawning with a fierce consistency. I carry my nephew upstairs and change him into warm pajamas dotted with firetrucks. He lets me lay him in the bed, tuck him in. I kiss his forehead, squeezing my eyes closed against the tears, and wonder—not for the first time—how his mother could be so selfish.
“Love you more than the rainbow,” I whisper, and he gives a sleepy little giggle.
“‘Bow.”
Holden is already turning down the blankets when I enter his bedroom. He grins at me before approaching on steady, sure steps. His hands slide along my waist, and I lean into him. My head falls to his shoulder, and he holds me tightly.
“I’ve missed you,” I say quietly a moment later. “I’m glad we came.”
Holden takes a step backward, pulls me with him. I allow him to lead me to the bed where he tugs me down to sprawl on the mattress. I know Ashton is just across the hall. That he can wake at any minute. But I want to be selfish—just this once. So I do: I let my boyfriend cover my body with his, let the fire burn me clean from the inside out.
