Ibitebackanothersigh when Ashton lets out an ear-piercing screech, the third in less than five minutes. He tugs at his left ear with one hand, straining for me with the other. I lean down to pick him up and hold him to my chest. Tears burn my eyes, gathering in the corners, and I sniffle as I start rocking Ashton gently. He gradually calms, little by little growing quiet, until when I look at him, he’s asleep. I wait one heartbeat, two, three, then gingerly place him in his playpen. He shifts, whimpers, but doesn’t wake. I blow out a slow breath then take a step back.
Body odor drifts up from my clothes. Sweat has dried on my skin, and my hair hangs in a limp curtain around my face. I blanch at the stench emanating from me and shuffle toward the bathroom to turn on the shower. I leave the doors open as I strip and step into the tub before the water has even warmed. Needles of ice stab my skin in an endless deluge, and I shiver and duck my head under the spray. My skin grows numb from the pinpricks of pain that slowly turn to burning as the water heats. Squeezing my eyes closed, I let the water wash away the tears that I can no longer fight.
I’ve had no time for myself for the last sixty-eight hours, no time to talk to Holden or Tristan or Luci or even my parents. Two and a half days of caring for a toddler with an ear infection and a high fever. Two and a half days of not being able to put Ashton down without him screaming. Two nights of interrupted sleep because he won’t stay asleep. Two days of being a stand-in mother to a toddler I haven’t seen in three weeks. I lean against the wall, slide to the floor, and sob against my knees. I’m tired, so damn tired. I’m alone and running on caffeine that no longer works, and I am tired.
Exhausted, really.
Pounding. Screaming.Ashton. I trip over myself, slipping in the freezing water spraying from the showerhead, and fall out of the tub in my rush. I grab the towel hanging on the rack, scrub my body dry, then pull my robe off the hook. Pushing my arms through the sleeves, I run out of the bathroom. My wet feet slip on the stone floor; it’s only by pure luck that I remain standing. Ashton stands in his playpen, face red from fever and crying, and I scoop him into my arms. He buries his face against my neck, and I burst into tears. A quick glance at the clock tells me it’s been almost an hour since I laid him down. Almost an hour of—
Oh, God, I fell asleep in the shower.
What if something had happened? I would never have known until it was too late. What the hell was I thinking?
Another series of loud thuds comes from the door, and Ashton lets out a wail. I shush him as well as I’m able and adjust the front of my robe so I’m covered. He shakes his head when I start for the door, but I ignore him in favor of peeking through the peephole.
My body slumps at the sight on the other side, and I hurry to pull the door open. Holden stands in the hall, phone in hand. He exhales sharply and stuffs his phone into his pocket. I don’t get a chance to say anything before he’s easing into the apartment. I shut the door and lean my back against the metal; I need it to keep me on my feet. Holden turns on his heel to face me, and the fear in his eyes stabs at my heart.
“Is everything okay?” he asks; his voice quakes, and he shoves his fingers through his hair. The side of his hand is deep pink-red from repeated impacts against the door.
“Ye—yeah, everything’s fine.” I hesitate then shake my head. “No, it’s not. Katie dropped Ashton off almost three days ago with an ear infection that she didn’t tell me about, and I… It’s been Hell.”
“Oh, sweetheart, c’mere.”
I let him wrap me in his arms, let him sandwich Ashton between us. No protest comes from the toddler; he just rests his head on my shoulder and hiccups. I manage to stem my tears through sheer force of will, but I know Holden sees them when he pulls back. He laces our fingers together and pulls me farther into the apartment. We sit as one, and I immediately lean into his side as much as I’m able to with an armful of Ashton. Holden blows out a breath and curves his hand around my shoulder.
“I’m really starting to hate your stepsister,” he murmurs, and I snort without amusement.
“So do I, trust me.”
Thankfully, Ashton stays calm though he doesn’t move from my lap. Holden reaches for the remote on the table and turns on a cartoon for the toddler who barely pays attention to the dragons and children flying on the screen. We sit quietly together, and I let my head fall to the back of the couch. The impromptu—and inappropriate—nap in the shower has done nothing for my exhaustion. In fact, it’s made it worse. But sleeping now isn’t an option. I have a child to care for and a boyfriend to keep company. So I force my eyes to remain open through four episodes and a quick dinner.
A knock sounds at the door an hour after we’ve finished eating and returned to the couch, and I glance over my shoulder toward the entryway. My body yearns for sleep, and the mere thought of moving brings another wave of exhaustion. Sighing heavily, I carefully pass Ashton into Holden’s arms, and my heart skips a beat when the toddler curls into Holden’s chest without fuss. I hesitate then move to the door when the thudding grows louder and more insistent.
I peek through the peephole then curse under my breath. Scurrying to the living room, I snap my fingers to get Holden’s attention. “Take him to my room. Don’t come in sight of the door.”
He nods and stands; Ashton clutches at the neck of Holden’s shirt, then the two disappear into the bedroom. I wait until the door closes with a quietsnickthen make my way back to the door. Pulling it open just enough to peer at Katie through the gap, I steady myself before speaking.
“Do you mind? I have neighbors.”
“Where’s my son?”
I force myself to not recoil at the pungent odor of alcohol and marijuana on her breath. “He’s sleeping.”
“Give him to me. We’re going home.”
“Uh,youmay be, but he’s not going anywhere with you in this condition. I’m not willing to put him in danger like you are.”
“We’re not even related,” Katie snaps, taking a step closer. My grip on the door tightens as I prepare to shut the door in her face. “Your dad divorced my mom, so Ashton is nothing to you.”
“You made me his guardian. We filed with a judge and everything. And unlike you, I take my responsibility seriously.”
“Fine. I’ll just call the cops.”
“Go ahead.”
I close the door and hurriedly make sure the locks are engaged. Holden stays hidden away in the bedroom with Ashton, and I’ve never been more grateful for anyone listening to me without hesitation. Other voices join the cacophony in the corridor, and someone yelps. I sigh and turn, unlocking the door. My neighbor from across the hall has Katie pinned to the floor on her belly; his lip oozes blood, and she shouts obscenities as she struggles against Carson’s hold.
Not even five minutes later, two officers round the corner. Carson immediately relinquishes his grip on Katie, stepping back with his hands raised in the air. I slip out of my apartment and close the door quietly behind me. One cop helps Katie to her feet while the other shoos away the people watching from their doorways. Then she turns to me.
