I smile, shaking my head, and read the texts from Holden. The ‘good morning, beautiful’ is nothing new, but it sends butterflies through my belly just the same. He promises to call tonight, and I cling to that promise as if it’s a lifeline. I always do, and he never breaks his promises.
Luci stays until Ashton lies down for his nap, then she takes her leave, citing a closing shift at the coffeeshop. I’m left alone in the quiet, and I don’t like it. The week with Holden was too short, but it was long enough that it made me look forward to having someone else around every day. The silence grows unbearable, so I turn on the softest playlist I have in my music app on my phone. Setting my phone aside, I drag my bag out from under the coffee-table. I might as well get started on homework while I have half a chance.
Ashton is unusually withdrawn at dinner as he picks up chunks of chicken with his little fingers. I lean my head on my hand, pushing food around my plate, and watch him. My stomach churns, roiling violently. Heaviness lingers in the recesses of my mind, and an uneasy sense of foreboding fills my chest. A small voice whispers a warning, but what it warns against, I have no idea.
Something tells me I won’t like it.
A loud pounding on the door causes me to jerk to attention, and I realize I’ve been staring without seeing at the countertop. Ashton whimpers, a pitiful sound that tears at my heart. I comfort him quietly as I slide off the stool. He calls my name once I disappear around the corner into the entryway. Promising I’ll be right back, I pull open the door and freeze. My heart stutters before kicking into high gear. I can’t breathe—air won’t come—and icy numbness floods through my veins. I stare. My mouth opens, but no words fall free, so I close it.
“Gonna let me in or what?” Katie asks as she shoves past me with ease.
“What are you doing here?” I hurry after her. “Kate—”
She ignores me, leaning over to unbuckle her son from his seat. “Come on, Ashy, let’s go.”
“Katie, please. Please don’t. Katie.”
But Katie is carrying a crying Ashton to the door, striding down the corridor to disappear around the corner. I call after her even once she’s out of sight, but it’s in vain. Katie doesn’t come back. Ashton is gone. I choke on the sob bubbling up. Tears snake down my cheeks, first one then another and another and another until I can’t count them anymore. My vision blurred, I reluctantly shut the door and stumble to the couch. My gaze roams over the mess on the floor—toys and papers strewn about. The star-speckled bucket lies on its side, crayons spilling out onto the rug. I pull my knees to my chest, stare at the chaos left behind, and let myself cry. Let myself fear and worry and hate Katie for who she is and what she’s done.
Holden
Is it still okay to call?
Dealla
Not tonight, sorry
Holden
Is everything okay?
Dealla
No. Nothing is ‘okay’. Katie came and got Ashton. She risked his life and she gets to keep him. I’m angry and I’m hurt and I want to strangle her and I’m sorry to unload all this on you but why does she get another chance to ruin her kid’s life???
Holden
Oh, sweetheart. That’s awful. Is there anything you can do?
Dealla
Short of kidnapping him and going on the run, no. And if I do that, then I really would never get to see him ever again.
Holden
I’m so so sorry, D. I wish I could be there.
Dealla
Nothing you can do. I’m going to bed. I can’t handle this shit right now.
Sorry.
I shut my phone off before he can reply. I slowly, numbly, turn off the kitchen light before dropping onto the couch again. Sleep won’t come tonight, I know this, but lying alone in the dark is better than having to talk about the situation. Tugging the throw blanket off the back of the couch, I halfheartedly wrap myself in it and squeeze my eyes closed.
How has this happened?
Cuffs and Candles
