“Sorry – I didn’t mean to disturb you. I didn’t think you’d seen me.” Alex walked over to the floormat.
“I heard you come in, but I’ve trained myself to hold my focus and concentrate on my breathing.”
“Is it yoga? You looked so peaceful, but strong, too.”
“Yes, it’s yoga. I like how it makes me feel. It’s a way of getting back to myself and handling the emotions of the day. At home, I do it every morning and evening, but here… well, I’ve missed it.”
“Is that how you stay so calm all the time?” Alex asked.
Two laughed. “I think temperament has something to do with it, but yoga helps, yes. Would you like to try it?”
“I hate working out,” Alex said uncertainly.
“Then don’t think of it as that. Think of it as a way of helping you to handle all those tempestuous emotions of yours.”Two grinned and held out his hand. Toeing off his shoes, Alex stepped onto the mat beside him.
“The best place to start is with the sun salutation,” Two instructed, guiding him into a stretch. Holding Alex’s arm, he adjusted his position. “That’s good. Now move like this into the next pose. When you’ve learned them, they become fluid, one continuous motion. Here.” Standing behind Alex, he placed his hand on his abdomen. “Breathe slowly and deeply, like me,” he said. Alex took a deep, calming breath. “That’s it. Now, move like this…” He guided Alex into a different position, then another, lowering him down onto the mat.
Alex tried to remember to breathe and hold position at the same time and ended up doing neither, collapsing onto the mat with a laugh. Two sat down beside him, laughing too. Alex glanced at him, feeling strangely happy, and then, without even knowing why, he leaned over and kissed Two on the lips.
Two’s lips were firm and gentle – but they said no, not yes. Alex drew back, confused.
“Ah,” Two said regretfully. “That was very nice, but no, thank you, Alex.”
“Why not?” Alex asked, feeling flustered and confused.
“Because for you, sex is transactional. Blow jobs to keep F off my back, wielding your sexual ‘superpower’ to keep your houder’s guests entertained, and now offering me sex in return for kindness.”
“That’s not what I’m doing,” Alex protested.
“Isn’t it?” Two raised an eyebrow. “Not that I’m not flattered, sweetheart, because you are the most exquisite creature I’ve ever laid eyes on, but you’re not for me. I don’t think it does you any good, either. What happened to you, Alex, to make you think of sex in this way?”
“Nothing.” Alex shrugged.
“Was it your houder’s demands on you?” Two probed. Alex shifted uncomfortably. “Ah, no. It started before then. How far back does it go?”
“It doesn’t matter.” Alex looked away. The music still played in the background, the familiar stirring chords echoing around the gym. “Where did you get the soundtrack from?” Alex asked.
“B very kindly signed me in to the speaker system. I simply scrolled through to find something I wanted to do my yoga practice to.” Two shrugged. “I like classical music; it energises and yet soothes me at the same time – and you’re changing the subject.”
“Maybe it’s not a very interesting subject.”
“Not many people would say that about sex.” Two nudged him conspiratorially, and Alex shot him a grudging smile. “You know, I lost my virginity to a tall, swarthy stranger who swept me off my feet when I was fifteen years old.” He smiled at the memory. “We had sex in one of the lost rooms in the Quarter I grew up in – I was up to my knees in stinking cold water, but I’ll never forget the feeling of his warm hands on my skin. Stealing furtive kisses in the dark, snatching moments, hiding, trying not to be seen. The fear, the excitement, the anticipation of discovery.”
“What happened? Did he break your heart?”
Two chuckled. “No – I wasn’t in love with him. It was dirty and raw. He was big, strong, and rough, and I was young, scared, and thrilled. He overwhelmed me, but I loved every second of it. It’s possible it set a pattern,” he said wryly. “What set your pattern, Alex?”
“I was seventeen when I lost my virginity,” Alex said, staring into space. “People think I slept around at boarding school, but I didn’t. Nobody there liked me enough to want to sleep with me, frankly.”
“So, who took you on your first sexual journey?” Two prompted.
A sudden rush of images and sensations, an ache in his knees, a sense of exhilaration and heroism, combined with revulsion…
“It wasn’t like that.” Alex got up. “I don’t think I can be bothered with yoga anymore. It’s not my thing. I’m going for a walk.” He pulled on his shoes and left the gym.
He wasn’t thinking as he set off walking, but his feet took him to his old spot out on the clifftop. He sat with his legs hanging over the edge, gazing out at the cold grey sea below.
Who are you?
