“Got anything to say to me?” F demanded as Alex walked past him.
“Thank you,” Alex said, as sincerely as he could.
“You’re welcome,” F laughed and left the room.
“What was that about?” Two asked.
“Nothing.” Alex undressed and got into bed. He closed his eyes and turned his back on Two, shuddering at the memory of his encounter with F. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and then Two got in behind him and gathered him up in his arms.
“Alex – what did you do?” he whispered.
“Nothing. It doesn’t matter.” Alex turned over and rested his head on Two’s chest, listening to the reassuring sound of his heartbeat.
“I think it does.” Two held Alex’s face between his hands and drew him up so that he was looking at him. Alex pulled away, feeling dirty. “Oh, Alex,” Two breathed sadly. He wrapped his arms around him once more and held him tight. “But thank you, my dear boy. Thank you. There, there, it’s all over now.”
Alex buried his face in Two’s chest and tried not to think about the fact he had to do it all over again tomorrow.
Alex steeled himself to deliver a blow job to F every morning after he’d finished his session in the gym. They still repulsed him, but he used them to school himself in showing no emotion. Tyler would want more – he’d want active enthusiasm – but Alex knew he’d have to work his way up to that. They seemed to put F in a better mood, and the next few days passed uneventfully.
There was a surprise on the seventh day, when the klaxon sounded at 7.00 instead of 5.30, and C entered the room instead of F.
Alex went over to him immediately. “Did you speak to A?” he asked eagerly. “Has F been fired? Are things going to change around here? Is that why the klaxon is later than usual?”
C gave a sad shake of his head. “I’m sorry, it’s nothing like that. Today is your day of rest. You can do whatever you pleasetoday: no classes, no rules – and no F.” C put a gentle hand on his arm. “A is very busy right now; it takes a lot of hard work to run a business like this, as you can imagine. I’ve flagged F’s conduct as an issue, though, and A has assured me that he’ll look into it on his return.”
“You mean A isn’t even here? No wonder nothing’s being done. Who’s running this place in the meantime?” C gave a little grimace, and Alex stared at him incredulously. “You’ve got to be joking – A left F in charge?”
“He does have seniority over me, yes,” C told him. “I have remonstrated with him, but with A away, he’s anxious that everything runs smoothly. Your houders have entrusted us with millions of pounds’ worth of their property – it’s a huge responsibility.”
“I can’t believe Two’s houder will be happy when he reports back about what happened to him here,” Alex retorted. “She’s very fond of him.” He only had Two’s word for that, but he had no reason to doubt him.
“Your houders trust us to ensure you return to them alive and well, and they expect you all to have appreciated in value as a result of their investment in you,” C replied. “Some indies can be very difficult to train, but we pride ourselves on the fact that nobody leaves here without learning everything their houder requires of them.”
“Good luck with that in my case,” Alex snapped. “Because so far you haven’t even touched on what Tyler requires of me.”
“I’m sure A has that in hand. He always plans meticulously, so even in his absence the work gets done,” C replied mildly. “You might have made more progress than you think.”
“Whatever.” Alex turned away in disgust.
At least he didn’t have to offer himself to F on his day off, work out in the gym, or suffer the tedium of learning how to do valeting chores.
He took a long, hot shower for the first time in days, then retrieved his photos from their hiding place. He’d been so busy navigating his way through the complex emotional maze that was Belvedere, he hadn’t looked at them in a while.
He spent a long time gazing at Solange’s photo. She would want him to be strong and would laugh at his struggles with F. She’d known worse, for sure. He had to keep faith in himself for her sake. Then he looked at Joe and wondered how he was doing. How long did it take to get over losing someone you loved in such a horrific way? Maybe you never did.
“Never been in love, wouldn’t know,” he muttered, but when he moved Joe’s photo aside, he found himself staring into his mother’s smiling face, and it hit him like a punch to the gut. How long had it been since the accident? Several years, yet the pain was still with him, so how could it ever go away for Joe?
He wished his mother were here now for him to speak to, but then he was glad she wasn’t. She wouldn’t want to see him like this. Finally, he looked at the photo of his father and Charles; he hoped his father was recovering from his stroke, and that Charles was taking good care of him.
He gazed at himself in the mirror and was reassured by what he saw. He was still there – someone’s son, brother, and friend. He wasn’t lost to himself, yet. Belvedere hadn’t done that to him any more than Tyler had.
Tucking the photos in his pocket, he returned to the dorm. Four was taking a nap, but the others were nowhere to be seen, so Alex wandered off down the corridor in search of them. There was nobody in the dining or rec rooms, and he was about to search the grounds when he heard music coming from the gym.
He pushed open the gym door curiously to see Two on the floor mat, dressed in a pair of grey sweatpants and a white tee-shirt, working his way slowly through a set of elaborate stretches. Music was playing softly in the background; Alex identified it as Beethoven’sMoonlight Sonata.
Two wasn’t overly muscled, but his body was strong, with good definition and tone, and he looked supple as he moved. He had a kind of languid, focused grace that Alex found mesmerising. Two seemed entirely unaware of his presence, so Alex leaned against the wall and watched him. There was a sense of flow in Two’s movements, and he could hold some eye-watering poses quite effortlessly; even his beaten shoulders didn’t seem to bother him.
He came to rest in the lotus position, clasped his hands together in front of his forehead, and bowed. “Namaste,” he said, and then he looked up straight at Alex. “Did you enjoy that?”
