CHAPTER 16
June
Emma opened her door, and her expression fell. “I’m sorry,babes,” she said, and pulled me inside. I was thankful her parents weren’t here. I just needed alone time with my best friend at this moment.
I fell into her arms and let my emotions out. Emma held me tightly. “He won’t tell me what happened,” I said. Emma directed me to her bed, and we sat.
I wiped at my face and Emma rubbed my back. “He was a football player, wasn’t he?” Emma said, referring to the guy Jesse had been speaking to at the park.
“I think so.”
Emma shrugged. “Maybe it hit him, you know? The reality of it all. Of maybe not being well enough to play next season. Of just how much effort it will take him to get game-fit again.”
“I know,” I said, and sighed deeply. I thought of his face when he came to us under the trees. He was devastated. Jesse Taylor was fun and extroverted. The boy who sat beside us was anything but.
I’d always seen a sliver of sadness in Jesse’s soul, and I had a feeling that sliver had been cracked wide open today. “He askedme to leave him alone,” I told Emma, and my heart broke. “He’s never asked me to leave.”
Emma laid her head on my shoulder. “This is the reality of being terminally ill, isn’t it?” Emma said. “Having days when darkness shrouds your sun. When the future and dreams you had taken for granted, come crashing down.”
I nodded. I didn’t have words. Jesse had kept me going this entire time, waiting at my door each morning with his cheeky smile and sunshine personality. He had held my hand through treatments and showed me his talent with his drawings. He’d been my rock.
“Give him time,” Emma said. “We all break, don’t we? I know I have.”
I had too. Many times. And I realized, if I loved someone, I had to love every part. Including the parts that were darkest.
I held Emma’s hand and squeezed. “I’m going to my room to wait for him. I just need to know he’s okay.” I hugged her. “Thank you for always being here for me. I really don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Forever, babes. We’re besties for life.”
I laughed, and it broke through the heaviness in my heart. “Good night,” I said.
As I passed Jesse’s room, I pressed my ear to his door. It was silent inside, and I wondered if he’d fallen asleep. I wanted nothing more than to walk inside and hold him. I wasn’t afraid of his broken parts, but I understood needing time alone. The ranch was amazing, but there was no doubt we were in a pressure cooker. Sometimes we needed to simmer and just rest.
I entered my bedroom and turned on the lamp beside my bed. I turned to go into my bathroom to get ready for bed when I jumped out of my skin. My hand covered my mouth in shock, as on the other side of my porch doors, was Jesse, wrapped in a comforter.
My heart raced as I went to the door and unlocked it. Jesse looked up as I opened the door. “I’m sorry, Junebug,” he whispered, and for the first time since I’d met him, Jesse lowered his head and sobbed.
The pain that engulfed me was absolute. I threw myself into Jesse, wrapping my arms around his neck, and I cried with him. I held the love of my life in my weak arms, yet just being here for him, like this, made me feel like the strongest person in the world.
“I’ve got you,” I whispered. “I’m here.”
Jesse reached up and grabbed my arm like he needed me to ground him. I kissed his head, over and over, running my hand over his cheek.
“I love you,” I said as I rocked him. “I love you so much.”
That only made Jesse sob harder. I squeezed my eyes shut. I could barely stand to see him like this—my magnetic charmer, reduced to tears. Yet I felt like the luckiest girl in the world to be the one he could fall apart with.
We were one another’s other halves. In good times and bad.
We sat there until Jesse’s chest hitched and jumped in the aftermath of his tears. Then he lifted his head, his eyes swollen and face mottled with redness. He didn’t speak, but I saw gratefulness shone on his face.
Standing, I held out my hand. “Let’s go inside,” I said, and Jesse got to his feet, bringing the comforter with him. I led us to my bed, and we laid down facing each other. I held both of Jesse’s hands between us, bringing them to my lips and kissing them.
Jesse closed his eyes, his lips still trembling with his sorrow. Finally, he inhaled a stuttered breath and said, “UT has recruited another QB in my place, for next season.”
My heart cracked. “Baby,” I rasped.
“Of course they have,” he said. His desolate eyes met my own. “I feel like…” He trailed off only to add, “I feel like I’m losing everything.”
