“If they kill you, it will be my fault,” she sobs, a hitch in her throat pinching her words. “I can’t let that happen. I cannot let—”
“No, it’ll bemyfault because I killed all those fuckers months ago.” I lift my shoulders and let them drop. “As long as I’ve been alive, these shitbags have basically been plotting to take out my whole family if Papá didn’t come back to the cartel, and I just gave them a reason to expedite my execution. But there’s no fucking way I was going to let them do the shit they were about to do to Isla. There’s no fucking way I was going to just sit there and let them gun down my family. Like… fuckthat. They were already coming after me. That’s the only reason you’re here. If it wasn’t you, it’d be someone else.”
The muscle in her jaw pulses again, and she continues to draw the back of her fingers across my cheek. “Iknowthat,cariño. I’m sayingnowif they go through with killing you, it will be my fault. Because I have the ability to protect you and stop them. I have a plan.” She pushes away from me and stands up straight. “And you threw a wrench in it by coming here. Why couldn’t you fucking listen to me?”
I scoff and flip my palms at her. “Are you out of your goddamn mind? There’s no way I was going to just sit on my ass after you left like that.” I scuff my sneaker against the dingy, matted carpet. “Shit. Nowthat’sfuckin’dumb.”
Natalia huffs and hugs her slender arms around herself. “Even after you read everything in that note? Then youarefuckingcrazy.”
I press the heels of my palms into my eyes and groan, and it’s time for alongconversation. “Baby…” I start, pivoting to march toward the door and close it, then push the chest of drawers across the floor to wedge it against the door and secure the room. Bracing my hand on the small of her back, I nudge her toward the bed. “Have a seat. We need to talk.”
She eyes me with an unreadable look, but then sits down on the edge of the mattress. I drag the small table away from the bedside and position it in front of her, then sit facing her.
“Okay,first of all.” I draw in a breath, rubbing my forehead as I replay the past few weeks since I first discovered the secret phone andallher damn secrets. “I already knew who you are, and I already knew what you were planning to do. I knewway beforeI read that note. I found your secret phone a few weeks after we got back from Vegas. I read every message between you and Xavier. I…”
My gaze glides to the ceiling, and I draw my hand across my mouth. There’s so fucking much tied to just finding that phone. The gutting realization that the woman I’d fallen in love with was not just a fraud, but an actual threat on my life. The shady as fuck shit that I did to her after finding out. The sinister things Natalia had endured that the messages alluded to, which were later confirmed by the note she left me. The fact that I remained completely in love with her despite everything I learned.
I meet her eyes again, and her expression and body language are braced for impact. Like she still doesn’t trust me—but why would she? Everything I know about her tells me thattrustdoesn’t exist in her world. Other than the fact that she cantrustmy fuckwad cousin to pummel her ass whenever he chooses. And what I’m about to have to tell her won’t exactly help convince her thatI’mtrustworthy.
“After that… you know… because I knew you were planning to basically…” A sardonic laugh forces itself out of my throat. “You know. While I was sleeping. I started slipping you a sleeping pill every night so you wouldn’t be able to.” Leaning forward to brace my elbows on my knees, I level my gaze on hers. “It was a shitty thing to do, but—”
“I know you were,” Natalia says evenly. “I don’t blame you.” She inhales silently and crosses her legs, wedging her clasped hands between her thighs. “You could have simply killed me, so I appreciate that you opted for a harmless route.”
“I was never going to kill you, Natalia.” I raise my brows. “That never even entered my thinking. For a second, I thought about handing you over to Papá so he could deal with you. He would’ve dealt with you, but even he wouldn’t hurt you. He’d likely just turn you in over to the police. Maybe even dropped you off in the middle of nowhere, but neither he nor I would hurt you. That’s not what we do, and that’s why we have this big fuckin’ beef with his side of the family. But regardless.” I shake my head. “I wasn’t going to hurt you. I did that to buy myself time and figure shit out. I don’t know if it was right or wrong because I didn’t know what the fuck else to do, but I do feel like I owe you an apology for that. So I’m sorry I did it.”
Her lips part, and her jaw hangs for a long stretch of seconds. Her eyes are partially squinting, and then a tiny, incredulous laugh bursts from them. She suddenly lifts her index fingers to dab beneath both eyes, and I realize she’s crying again.
“Are you fuckingserious, Joaquin?”
My brow pulls low. “Uh, yeah. All of this is completely serious.”
She sniffles and flips her hand at me. “You’re apologizing for slipping me a sleeping pill to prevent me frommurdering youin your sleep. Who does that? What is wrong with you?”
I hunch my shoulders way up to my earlobes. “Nothing. It just seemed wrong.”
She stares at me blankly. “If you think that iswrong, your perception of morality seems a bit skewed.”
“Oh yeah?” I arch one eyebrow as I recall a certain facet of the secret phone saga, and I’m suddenly feeling weirdly defensive about her reaction to this confession. “Well, the night I found the phone, I was so fucking pissed that I woke you up at three a.m. just so I could rage fuck you.” I jerk my chin at her. “How’s that forwrong?”
Her eyes do a slow blink. “Xavier broke into your house and raped me in your bedroom.” She placidly tilts her head to one side. “How’sthatfor wrong?”
Fire lights up my veins, and I bite the inside of my cheek so hard I nearly draw blood.
“You said you read the entire message thread,” she goes on before I can put words together. “Did you wonder what he meant bythe room?”
Actually,yes. I do recall that part and wondered what the fuck it meant, but I’m still mute from rage, so I merely nod.
“Theroom,” she says, her voice like an icy blue norther, “was my home from the time they captured me at age five until I was broken enough to go to work. It was a cage. My clothing was a collar and chain attached to a wall. My purpose was to be a…” She closes her lips and slides her pupils sideways before dragging them back to me. “A stress-reliever of sorts.”
I clench and release my jaw. I’ve got an idea whatthatprobably means, but I still have to ask. “What kind ofstressdid yourelieve?”
“Every kind,” she says simply. “I would tell you to use your imagination, but it’s clear that you are too sheltered to even be able to comprehend the horrors that truly evil men are capable of.”
“Andyet,” I grit out through my teeth, “youwere planning to go deal with them all by yourself.”
Natalia slowly leans forward so her face is close to mine and lowers her voice to barely above a whisper. “I’m just as evil as they are. After all, they used the room to turn me into what I am. The thingsI’mcapable of? The things I’vedone?” She sits up straight again. “You wouldn’t be able to comprehend those either,cariño.”
I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose, because she’s kinda right. I can’t comprehend this shit. I don’t want to. I just want to end it all and run away with her.
