He meets my gaze with wide, teary blue eyes and a gaping smile. “Elle!You did it!”
“Oh my God,” I breathe as he reaches for a towel to wrap around her and then lays her on my heaving chest.
I clutch her against my heart, and she’s so warm and little, and simultaneously solid and squishy, and so full of life that there’s nothing for me to do but sob. I lift my head and tuck my chin so I can see her face. Her chubby cheek is flattened against the skin of my sternum, her lips a perfect red Cupid’s bow, brow furrowed, but below that, her eyes are wide and alert.
Crystalline blue eyes.
An exhausted calm like adrenaline leaving my body settles over me, and I stroke her cheek, and her tiny fingers grasp and clutch at my skin. The very first words I say to this child are important and monumental because I need her to know them in her very soul for the rest of her life. “Sweet baby girl, I love you so much. I love youso much. I’m so glad to see you. I’m so glad you’re here.”
My spent muscles are failing me, and I let my head relax backward on the towel folded up on the floor. I stroke her hair and rub her back, all the while holding her against my chest, as I continue to murmur, “Baby girl, baby girl, baby girl, I love you, I love you, I love you.”
My mind registers Colin’s voice talking to someone who isn’t here. He gives them my address and talks to them about me and our brand new daughter, and I gather that he’s called an ambulance. We’ll be at a hospital soon, and even though she’s about four weeks early, everything’s going to be okay.
Another moment or two later, he’s sitting at my side, smiling at me, smiling at her; one of his hands stroking my hair, the other stroking hers. And I think I’m in love with him.
“Colin, look.” I cast my gaze down toward her face. “She’s got your eyes.”
The warm smile on his face persists. “Yeah.”
There’s a faint, involuntary tremble in my jelly-like arm muscles, and panic surges through me at the thought of accidentally dropping her. “Can you hold her? My arms feel like they’re about to give out.”
Without a word, Colin carefully scoops her up, folding the towel securely around her, and holds her against his chest. He cups her tiny head with his large hand and dips his face to press a kiss to her forehead. “There you are, little sweetheart. Precious little one. Darling baby girl, how I love you. How long I’ve waited to meet you.” His voice is quiet and low as he speaks with his lips against her matted golden wisps of hair, like they’re the only two people in their own little world. His long, dark lashes are wet with tears, and I’ve never witnessed a love like this before. “I love you beyond words. There’s nothing I won’t do for you. I’ve loved you since way before now, and I’ll love you with my whole heart for the rest of my whole life.”
And maybe I’m high on post-birth hormones and adrenaline, but I see the six-year-old version of myself, alone on a bench in the middle of the night, left there by my father to spite my mother. I see myself standing in front of that young girl and making a promise.
“One day, I will make a right out of this abhorrent wrong.”
And it suddenly dawns on me that maybe righting that abhorrent wrong wasn’t just helping addicts avoid becoming like my parents. Maybe righting that wrong is giving another little girl a father who loves her more than his next breath, who supports her, and builds her up rather than tearing her down, who vows to carry her and encourage her through anything and everything that life might throw at her.
And maybe all of this was unintentional and unplanned, but right now it feels like fate coming together. And I no longerthinkI’m in love with him.
“Colin.”
He turns his face toward me while still resting his cheek on her forehead.
“I love you, too.”
The smile that’s been on his face this whole time pulls even wider, and he holds our baby girl close to his chest as he leans over my face. I tilt my chin upward, and our lips meet in a deep, lingering kiss while our daughter is safe and secure in the space between us. The safest, most secure, most loving place she can be.
“I love you, Elle,” Colin says, returning her to my chest and holding her in place for me. “I have never been happier than I am right now. Right now, I’m happier than I ever thought I could be.”
I blink a tear out of my eye, and he kisses it off my cheek. “Me too.”
He continues to hold her against my chest, absently stroking her hair and mine while we wait for the paramedics to arrive. “So what’s the verdict?”
I crinkle my brow. “On what?”
A half-smile tugs at his mouth, pulling in one of those deep dimples. “Her name.”
“Oh.” I laugh lightly. “She’s Audrey. Just like you suggested. I told you we should go with that.”
Colin returns my light laugh and tilts his face to look at her. “I do love that name.”
“Me too.” I blindly locate the top of his thigh next to me and pat it. “What’s the other verdict?”
He looks back at me with a crinkle in his brow. “I didn’t know there was another thing we had to decide.”
“There is.” I lift my weak, shaking arm to stroke Audrey’s back, and she stretches her tiny mouth wide in a yawn. “Where are the three of us going to live? Here or your place?”
