Thousands of years of lying on this bathroom floor, enervated andsuffering.
Every muscle in my body isspent, and yet the guttural force drives them to contract and clench again. I have no stamina or strength left, but it all continues as if on autopilot.
“You can, honey.” That soothing voice manages to break through the fog of psychosis. The tender hands drawing up and down my legs. The serenity on his face amidst chaos. And I think I’m in love with him. “You are. You’re doing it, Elle.”
A sob of frustration and madness catapults out of my throat. “I’m too tired. I’m too tired. I’ll never make it, and this will neverend.”
“I know you’re tired, sweetheart, but you’reso close.”
Colin clasps my wrist and directs my hand to reach between my thighs. My fingertips make contact with something firm and textured as if covered in tangled strands of silk. The feel of it registers only on my fingers but not on what I’m touching, as though it’s separate from my body despite being inside of it.
“You feel that, Elle?” His voice is way too tranquil for the storm of chaos I’m thrashing through. His crystalline blue eyes give off the slightest emotional sheen. And I think I’m in love with him. “That’s the top of her head. You’re almost there.”
Another sob lurches out of me because he’sright. “Holycrap.”
A quick, breathy chuckle exits his smiling lips. “Yeah, holy crap.” He rubs the sides of my legs again. “Now take a deep breath because when you feel the next contraction, you’re gonna push. Okay?”
I pant twice before drawing in a deep breath. “How the hell do you know what you’re doing?”
Colin jostles his head. “I don’t. I’m just learning on the job here.” He reaches to clasp my hands. “We’re both learning as we go right now, and this is our crash course intro to parenting. We’re never going to know what we’re doing, but we’re going to do the best that we can.”
He’s sological.
It’s socomforting.
And I think I’m in love with him.
I suck in another deep breath as every muscle in my body flexes, and then bear down as we squeeze each other’s hands.
“There you go, Elle. Just like that.”
There’s a searingfireof pain so intense that I can only groan through gritted teeth and press my eyes shut.
“Keep going, Elle. You’re doing it, baby. You’ve got this.”
Pressure and fire and chaos and a mother fuckingbattle cryfrom my throat and a joy-filled laugh from his.
“Oh my God, Elle.”Another gleeful chuckle.“Holy shit, baby!”
Is he talking to me or the actual baby?
I don’t know, but I think I’m in love with him.
Colin’s hands are suddenly gone from mine, and I grip the side of the tub next to me.
“One more deep breath and one more big push, Elle. You’re there, baby. This is it.”
This is it.
I do as he says, and then bear down until I think my teeth will shatter against each other.
And then, another elated laugh.
And then, a total release of pressure that has built up formonths.
Andthen… the tiniest little squawking cry.
My eyelids fly open, and my breath hitches, and I look across my body to see Colin, his dress shirt and loosened tie smeared with blood and all manner of birthmess,while he cradles a squirming, pale-pinkish and completelyperfecttiny human in his forearms.
