I told Josh I needed to clean up and escaped to the bathroom. Before starting the water, I stared at the woman in the mirror.
Who was she?
I never had sex without a condom. Not since Josh.
Nora had sworn they used protection when she got pregnant. I couldn’t swear my parents had, because that was not a discussion we had, but in case I inherited some super eggs which could get pregnant at will, I was careful. Very careful.
Josh was the only one I’d gone bare with before, and tonight I hadn’t considered STIs or pregnancy or anything rational. It had been like high school, when we’d gambled with stakes we couldn’t afford. We’d been lucky then.
Or maybe not lucky. Maybe the super-egg genes had passed me by, and we were fine. I was on the pill. I trusted him enough to not worry about STIs if he told me he was negative.
I turned on the tap and wet a washcloth.
Things were moving fast. Not just the sex, but the feelings. All the pain from high school, all those vows I’d made to never let him hurt me again had been wiped away and the good feelings rushed back. I wasn’t going to say I loved him, not this soon, but I could see it happening.
Josh was right there with me. Neither of us were putting on the brakes.
I went back to the bedroom with the cloth, still not sure if I was doing the right thing with him. Josh was lying on the bed, hands crossed behind his head, incredible body displayed on my duvet. He smiled at me as I came to the bed and leaned down to clean him up.
“Thanks.” His voice was soft, and his eyes watched me closely.
I threw the cloth into my laundry basket.
“You okay?” he asked.
I stretched out beside him and he wrapped his arm around me. “I think so.”
“I thought you might be freaking out. I really am sorry about the condom.”
I shook my head against his chest. “That was on me. And yeah, freaking out a bit, but not about the condom. It’s just…we’re going fast.”
I felt him nod. “I know we are, and honestly, I’m good with that. It feels to me more like we’re just starting from where we left off, you know? But if you need some time to figure out if this is what you want, I’ll try to pull back. Just don’t ghost me, okay?” He swallowed, and I knew I could hurt him. Badly.
I pressed a kiss to his chest. “I probably should think it over a bit. I forgot how you dive into things, no waiting.”
“Do you want me to go now?”
I shook my head. Right now, I wanted to enjoy the hormones rushing through my body. Tomorrow was enough time to worry. “We should get under the duvet though. It’s cold.”
Josh threw his arm back and found the edge of the covers. He pulled them down and rolled us over. With some twisting and laughing we found ourselves snuggled up under the duvet. His body was warm, wrapped around mine. He pressed a kiss to my forehead.
“Even if you decide we have to go back to friends, this has been everything, Katie.”
He might not be book smart, but he knew exactly how to get to me. It wasn’t manipulative, just honest.
I was in so much trouble.
I floated into sleep, deep and uninterrupted.
Josh woke up before me. He kissed my head, said something about practice and used his phone light to find his clothes. I tried to remember where I’d thrown them, but sleep pulled me back under and when I woke up, I was alone. I checked the time on my phone and found a text from Josh.
Hope you have a great day! XXOO
I grinned. I sent a You too back to him and pulled on a robe to go out and find coffee. I needed to get to school.
Josh
I didn’t want to leave Katie, not when we were finally on the same page about a relationship. I’d offered to back off, but she hadn’t asked me to. I wanted to spend every minute with her that I could.
