For a brief moment there I thought I was back on the ship, in my cabin with Brody, him waking me up to ask if he could share the bed with me, or to tell me it’s 6a.m. and we’re going to the gym.
But it’s not him, it’s Kelsey, and seeing her reminds me of where I am, why I’m here, the whole messy situation I have found myself in.
Can I just go back to sleep, please? I can’t face another crisis.
‘Shit, what’s wrong?’ I whisper urgently, my heart pounding in that way it does when someone wakes you up in the middle of the night. I feel all woozy.
‘It’s nothing bad,’ she reassures me quickly, her voice purposefully soothing. ‘Someone is here to see you and I didn’t think you would want to wait until morning.’
I sit up, groggy, my eyes still sore from crying, giving them a moment or two to adjust to the darkness. I see a shadowy figurestanding at the end of my bed, its familiar outline, and yet somehow I would probably be more equipped for dealing with him if he were Nosferatu, not Brody.
‘Brody?’ I blurt, my voice catching in my throat.
‘Hi,’ he replies simply.
Kelsey glances between the two of us, a smile gracing her lips that somehow manages to be smug, satisfied and knackered all at once.
‘I’ll leave you two to it,’ she tells us.
‘No, Kelsey, where are you going?’ I ask. ‘You’re getting married tomorrow, you need to sleep, this is your room. Don’t go anywhere. We can leave, let you sleep…’
‘I’m going to sleep in Neil’s room,’ she says with a smile and a bat of her hand. ‘Screw silly tradition. We’ve got good men – both of us – we shouldn’t spend a minute apart, especially now.’
Kelsey leans over and kisses my cheek.
‘You’ve got this,’ she whispers into my ear before disappearing out the door, leaving Brody alone in the dark.
‘Mind if I sit?’ Brody asks.
‘Go for it,’ I reply, sitting more upright, making sure there’s a space next to me on the bed.
He sits down, the mattress dipping under his weight, and for a moment there’s nothing but silence. One of us needs to say something, but neither of us knows who should go first. Then, breaking the tension, we both speak at once.
‘I’m sorry,’ we say simultaneously. Then we both laugh and suddenly everything feels easier.
‘No,’ I say, turning to face him. ‘You don’t have anything to apologise for. I do. But you have to believe me, I had no idea it was Nikki I was talking to that day. We were in cubicles, in the toilets, and I heard her crying, and I honestly didn’t know she was dating you. I didn’t even know you existed.’
I look down, twisting the corner of the blanket between my fingers, because I always fidget when I’m nervous. But it’s now or never, I need to let him know how I really feel. The whole truth, no staging.
‘I don’t know, maybe I’m supposed to say that I wouldn’t have told her to dump you if I had known she was dating you, but that’s not true. I would’ve said it with even more certainty, because she’s not right for you, Brody. I am.’
I’m not sure I intended to say that last part, it just slipped out with the rest. It’s true though.
‘I mean… if you want me, that is.’
I started out so strong but now I’m panicking again. Perhaps I shouldn’t have said that.
Brody smiles, and the second I see his dimples I know it’s all going to be okay.
‘Whether you knew or not, I really don’t care,’ he tells me. ‘You did me a favour. Nikki and I weren’t right for each other. Not even close. I’m sorry for storming off earlier. People were watching, and I didn’t want to cause a scene – just in case there were any Italian cricket fans around. I went for a run to clear my head, came back to the room thinking maybe you’d be there… but you weren’t.’
His tone shifts slightly. I think he was worried that I was avoiding him, all while I was worrying that he was avoiding me.
‘I wasn’t,’ I reassure him. ‘I was looking for you. I was worried you might have believed Nikki, that I told the press about your break-up…’
‘I know you didn’t say anything to the press,’ he says, taking my hand in his. ‘It was Nikki. She was always trying to raise my profile – but really, it was hers she wanted to boost.’
He places his free hand on my face and looks deep into my eyes.
