I’m about to go after him, because I need to explain, to tell him that I didn’t know the random girl crying over her boyfriend in the toilet cubicle next to me was his girlfriend, when I notice Nikki smirking, delighted to have scared him away from me.
‘Why are you so determined to take every man I like?’ I ask her.
‘Erm, you took him from me,’ she snaps back.
‘I didn’t even know it was you, for fuck’s sake,’ I reply. ‘Not until I heard your stupid yodel cry again the other day.’
‘I don’t have a stupid yodel cry, do I?’ she asks the table.
The silence speaks volumes.
‘I need to go after him,’ I say, standing up, my voice catching in my throat because I know that I should have done so right away, I just had to stay and get the last word, didn’t I?
‘Do you want me to come with you?’ Kelsey asks, gently.
‘No, no, I’m fine,’ I insist. ‘You guys enjoy your dinner. We’ll catch up later.’
I walk away before my tears can betray me, before I say something that makes this bad situation even worse. I head back toward the room, hoping maybe Brody’s there, but the door is locked and he has the only key card. I try knocking but there’s no reply, so either he’s not in there, or he knows it’s me.
My chest aches. I can’t believe Nikki has done this, bringing it up in a last-ditch attempt to throw a grenade into my and Brody’s budding relationship. I’m worried it’s dead in the water now. Maybe I have gone about this all wrong, maybe I should have come clean when I realised it was Nikki I spoke to in the toilets back then, or when I realised she was bringing it up today, or maybe I should have kept a dignified silence. I don’t know what I should have done, I just know that it’s not this. I shouldn’t have let Brody out of my sight because without him being here I can’t explain, and the version of events in his head will be pieced together from bits of information from all of us. It needs to come from me, but for that I need to find him first.
I’ll go for a walk around the grounds, have a look for him, he’s got to be around here somewhere.
Plus, he’s the best man at the wedding tomorrow, and I know he won’t miss that.
I just need to speak to him before it’s too late.
It’s not too late… is it?
36
There’s something so beautiful about the beach at night – something that really changes the vibe, like a daytime beach and a night-time beach are two completely different places.
The sun has gone but the moon is shining bright, lighting up the water below it. I suppose it comes with not being trapped on a boat in the middle of the ocean, but the dark water doesn’t seem quite so scary or bottomless from the safety of the shore. Everything here is just so calm and peaceful. Everything except me anyway.
I’m strolling along the shoreline, letting the sea breeze tangle my hair and the water lap over my bare feet. I’m still looking, scanning the darkness for that broad frame and messy brown hair, thinking I’ll bump into him any minute and he’ll flash me those dimples and let me know everything is going to be okay.
I can’t find him anywhere though, and all I want is to talk to him. To explain. To tell him everything, but properly this time, leaving nothing out. I’m sure, if he just hears my side of things, it will all make sense. I just need to bloody find him first though, that’s turning out to be the hardest part.
I’m so lost in thought that I almost miss the sound of someone calling my name.
‘Jessa! Jessa! Oi!’
I turn and see Kelsey jogging toward me, her long dress fluttering around her and her hair blowing in the wind like she’s in an eighties music video. If she could have done that in slo-mo, it would have looked epic.
She looks relieved to have found me – and a little out of breath. It takes her a few seconds to get her words out.
‘There you are,’ she says, pulling me into a hug that feels both grounding and suffocating. ‘I’ve been looking everywhere for you!’
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to freak you out, I was just looking for Brody,’ I tell her. ‘But… no luck.’
‘I thought I was going to have to get the Italian coastguard to go look for you,’ she jokes. ‘Have you seen the lifeguards they have here? Every single one of them looks like a Dolce and Gabbana model.’
‘You’re not making me not want to throw myself in the sea,’ I reply.
‘Come on,’ she insists, hooking her arm with mine, gently pulling me along. ‘You’re coming back to mine. Neil and I are doing the separate rooms thing, so I’m home alone anyway. You look like you need a bed and some snacks. Trust me, you’ll feel much better when you’ve eaten a bunch of Italian crisps and drunk a lemon soda.’
I smile. She always knows just what I need.
