So, I’ve got my laptop open to OnlyFans, only this time I'm looking for gay content. Particularly videos where I can tell they have a connection, because that’s what I need to get off. Scrolling through videos of two men together is making me equally nervous and excited, honestly, because I know that if this is something I respond to, I’ll have answers, or at least a better understanding of myself. And I also know that no matter what I discover, I’ll have the best support system in the world and people who I know love and care for me to talk through it with, which is something a lot of people don’t have, and I can imagine this being so much scarier without that.
I pray to God I don’t come across Pierre’s content because I think that would scar me for life, and Tommy would murder me. I find a video that looks promising, two men standing in the kitchen fully clothed, close together, one with his arms around the other. I take a breath and let it out, then click play. It starts out with them talking, and the one being held is telling the other about something thathappened at work that’s stressing him out while his partner rubs his back and plants a kiss on his forehead, soothing him. It’s incredibly sweet, and I can tell by the way they look at each other and how comfortable they are with each other that they’re in love. And my dick is not offended by this in the least.
In fact, I’m already half hard and these guys are fully clothed.
“How can I help?” the one guy asks as he takes his partner's face in his hands and kisses him softly, just a quick kiss, before pulling away.
“Hmmm,” the other one hums, his hands on his partner’s chest and their foreheads pressed together now. He’s a bit smaller and a couple inches shorter than the other guy. “Make me feel good. Please.” He lifts his head and looks into his partner’s eyes, and the heat is unmistakable. “I want you inside me.”
Fuck. My dick is fully on board now. I quickly strip out of my shirt and pants and down to my briefs as I watch them start to make out. It’s slow and sensual at first before it picks up, and they start to use tongue. My dick jerks when the smaller of the two lets out a whimper and the other one groans, taking his partner’s face in his hands and tilting his head, deepening the kiss. Shit, the breathless needy noises of the smaller one are revving my engine really good.
I take my cock in my hand and stroke slowly, watching as the smaller one jumps up and the larger one catches him, setting him on the counter before they’re at each other again, their clothes quickly coming off and being discarded on the floor. Wow, I am paying way more attention to their bodies than I ever was when I watched straight porn, and I can’t lie–I like what I see. The bigger one is hairier while the smaller one is smooth, and he runs his fingers through the other’s chest hair like he can’t get enough. They’re both hard and leakingand I find I can’t look away from their straining erections, both of them oozing precum that has my dick jerking and my mouth salivating.
“Fuck, cowboy,” I whine as I grip myself and stroke. God, I’ve never craved another man’s touch like I do Bentley’s, and watching these two, it’s just cementing that fact in my mind even more. I’m not trying to keep him from popping into my mind during these…sessions anymore. I gave up fighting it days ago. My hole flutters and I move the laptop to the side and spread my legs, lying on my back. God I feel like a fucking whore and I fucking love it.
I watch as the smaller one wraps his legs around the bigger one and ruts against his belly. Holy fuck, why is that so hot? The bigger one is growling and has his massive arms around his smaller partner, holding him to him as if to encourage his needy thrusting.
Damn, my cock is leaking like a faucet as I reach between my cheeks and locate my hole. I let out a cry when my finger comes in contact with the sensitive bud, and it flutters wildly against my fingertip. Holy shit. My cock spasms and I groan as the noises on the screen pick up. The smaller guy shouts and his dick sprays all over the stomach and chest of the bigger one, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything hotter than one man’s cum embedded in the chest hair of another man.
I grip my dick and stroke harder and faster even as I continue to circle my hole and press my finger tip to it periodically. Each touch makes my dick ooze precum and a shiver race down my spine. My thighs are trembling as the bigger guy picks the smaller one up, moves about a foot to the left, and slams him against the wall before impaling him on his monster cock.
The smaller guy shouts but his cries are muffled by his partner’s rough kisses. I reach for the lube and coat my finger, knowing thisis going to be over soon and if I want to try this now is the time. I slick up my finger and return to my hole, and just as the bigger guy moves his mouth to the smaller one’s nipples and starts to suck, I push the tip of my finger into my tight channel. It burns at first, but after only a short moment it starts to loosen up a bit, and I moan at how good it feels to be filled.
I turn my head and watch as the smaller guy is impaled over and over again on the other’s dick, and he’s so blissed out he’s hard all over again. God, I wish I had three hands so I could play with my nipples too.
I stroke my cock at the same time that I shove my finger a bit deeper inside me, and shout, “Holy shit!” when I find a sweet bundle of nerves that has my eyes rolling back in my head and my balls drawing up. Fuck, I’m close. I move my finger as the grunts and pants of the men in the video continue, but all I’m thinking about is what it would feel like to be impaled on Bentley’s cock, and I want it so fucking bad I might cry.
I hit that sweet spot again and my orgasm washes over me as I shout Bentley’s name, my back arching and my cum shooting out all over my abdomen as I picture those arms on either side of me, that smile above me, that dick buried so deep.
Fuck.
I am so not straight. And I’m falling so hard and fast for my friend. Shit, I don’t know if I’ve ever had a best friend before, but Bentley and I have gotten close in the last month and a half and I definitely consider him my best friend. Maybe my only friend, really, outside my family. There’s my coworkers at the bar, but I’m not close with any of them.
But that’s the scariest part of all of this. It’s not being bisexual that’s making me freak out. It’s being bi and having feelings for my friend. Being attracted to a man who’s astranger is so much less terrifying, because I have nothing to lose if it doesn’t work out.
With Bentley, I could lose everything.
Bentley
Fuck, I’m in trouble. Trying to convince myself that I don’t have feelings for Alex, that I’m not attracted to him, has been increasingly harder over the past few weeks. Every time we’re together he does or says something, or multiple things, that make the butterflies in my stomach go crazy. It’s very fucking inconvenient, because I can’t have feelings for him, and I know this, but it’s not stopping my heart from pitter-pattering when he’s close, or my dick from twitching, or my body erupting in goosebumps every time he rubs my feet, or tells me the meaning of a word I don’t understand when he’s reading to me, or makes one of his terrible jokes. He does nothing to quell that ache in my chest when he laughs at something onSupernatural,or when he asks me about what it was like growing up with Gram, and then actually listens like he really wants to know about her, because she’s important to me.
I’ve gotten so little sleep lately because I can’t stop thinking about him and my right hand is getting a workout. I try not to think of Alex when I’m jerking off but it’s no use, and I’ve even begun exploring gay porn to see if other guys do it for me like he does. I don’t know why I’m coming across this realization so late in life, but I’m nutting so hard to watching two men fuck and it’s making me wonder what I’ve been missing out on all this time.
But even though I have watched lots of gay porn now, I still can’t bring myself to go out with anyone, male or female. I keep telling myself it’s because I’m nervous still about my abilities in bed, but I know I’m fucking lying. Thetruth is, I don’t want to be with anyone who isn’t Alex, exploring these things with him. And I hate myself for it because I have no business thinking of him that way when he’s straight and hasn’t shown me any signs to the contrary. For a bit there I thought maybe the texts we were sending back and forth were his way of flirting, but I realized that that was just wishful thinking on my part. And the foot rubs every time he reads to me? Yeah, I don’t think he’s trying to flirt there either, I think he’s just a tactile person and he’s being nice.
Ugh! This is driving me crazy! At least one good thing has come of all this though, and that is the fact that I have become very well acquainted with my prostate. Wow! Holy grits and cornbread, that thing is amazing. What would be even more amazing is if I could experience what it would be like to have Alex inside me, making me feel good, making me come. God, I’d give anything to be underneath him.
I’m sitting on my sofa, making myself miserable with how unattainable my friend and next door neighbor is when my phone pings with an incoming text message.
Peyton: We’re going ice skating before it gets too warm. Invite Alex. I’ll be there in twenty minutes to get you
Me: But I’ve never been ice skating before
Peyton: That’s the point, babe. We gotta get you acclimated with Massachusetts winters. And don’t worry. I’ll teach you.
I groan but do as I’m told and text Alex before I start getting ready.
Me: Hey, Peyton says we’re going ice skating and I’m supposed to invite you
