That phrase, one overheard by the sparring ring, would have made his grandmother lift an eyebrow.
Zelli thought of it, and how much Tahlen had already troubled himself for him, and kept himself from prodding Tahlen to speak.
They rode on.
They reached a crossroads with a marker and a small waystation just after dawn, when some but not all of the fog had lifted. The waystations were built along the roads through the valley about half a day’s ride or a day’s walk apart, if there was no village or settlement to offer shelter instead. The stations extended into the mountains on the far side of the valley, although once beyond the first peak, the stations were farther apart and maintained by the Rossick. Zelli didn’t know if other families had such stations, and didn’t know the original purpose of them other than to offer some comfort to travelers. Possibly they were meant for the messengers who had frequently gone up and down the valley in busier times.
The waystations were not much more than three walls and a roof, with a thatched extension on one side for animals. Each held a firepit, although, according to reports Zelli had on his desk, the supply of wood in them was often not properly maintained. They were all supposed to have a privy somewhere nearby, redug each year. Only one had a well, but most people traveled with their own water.
Zelli belatedly realized he had not brought any, then sighed. There was a small cask with the bags Starfall carried because of course Tahlenhadthought of it. He’d probably learned to during his journeying before he’d found the Tialttyrin holding.
Found a home, Zelli hoped, and planned to stay. Though if the others all left, why should Tahlen not go with them?
“Are you hungry?” Tahlen asked, slowing and not showing much concern when Starfall took the chance to nibble on a bush along the roadside.
Zelli was so startled by Tahlen speaking to him that Lemon Blossom came to a stop, both of them staring expectantly at Tahlen before Zelli recalled himself.
Evidently, that was answer enough for Tahlen, who reached into one of the bags on Starfall and took out a wrapped bundle.
He paused when Zelli politely refused one of the pies but accepted an apple and a wedge of cheese.
Zelli thanked Tahlen as he crunched his apple. He thought of Esrin. “You should have something. The pies look good.”
For a moment, he thought Tahlen was going to ask why Zelli hadn’t wanted one, but Tahlen only studied him before turning away.
Zelli kept his head down but watched Tahlen eat three pies—they truly were his favorite—and did his best to look away whenever Tahlen glanced at him.
With nothing else to occupy him, Zelli mulled over Tahlen’s silence while trying to ride slightly behind Tahlen so that Tahlen would not see the way Zelli studied him. Tahlen was not one for a lot of words, it was true, but Zelli could not tell if he was being cruelly ignored or if Tahlen simply had no interest in talking with him.
There had been a time where they had exchanged words at least once a day. Although, when Zelli had been younger, those had been stumbled, blushing greetings from Zelli and brief acknowledgements from their handsome new guard before Tahlen had carried on with whatever duty Grandmother had given him.
That had changed over time to Tahlen being the one to accompany Zelli down to the village more often than not. Zelli had taken over more and more of the work of the Head of House as he’d gotten older, and he suspected his grandmother had thought he’d appreciate a companion closer to his age… or she’d hoped some of Tahlen’s sense and composure would rub off on him.
Then Grandmother had suggested the possible alliance now that Zelli was of age, and since Zelli would never get suitors where he was, he had agreed; he would get to travel and meet others, if nothing else. And shortly afterward, Tahlen had… Tahlen had expressed a desire to court him.
Three months ago. Nearly four now.
Zelli hadn’t understood it then and still did not. That Grandmother’s favorite guard, who at times seemed to know everything, who was trusted and listened to, who did not smile at Zelli or joke with him or even talk with him as he probably talked to that cat, would ask for courtship without the least flicker of interest on his face.
Zelli had finally broken the silence that followed with a confused, if hopeful, “Are you asking to bed me?”
Because that was an idea from his fantasies, but he would have understood such a request. Perhaps Tahlen had lovers within the fortress or down in the village but had grown bored. He would likely expect Zelli to say yes, because Tahlen must know he was handsome and that Zelli especially found him so.
But Tahlen had drawn his eyebrows together in something too quick to be a frown and repeated himself, “To court you, Zelli.”
Zelli had stared up at him, grateful they were alone in his room at the time, because he was sure any witnesses would have laughed. He would have suspected Tahlen of playing a trick on him if it hadn’t been Tahlen, who wouldn’t anyway and definitely wouldn’t with Zelli.
“But you don’t even like me.” Zelli hadn’t meant to say it, and hearing it had made him stumble on. “Which I understand, Tahlen, truly. I’m not really anything. I don’t know things like you do. Grandmother is trying to secure an alliance, but I think my family was hoping I’d turn out better to make it more advantageous to everyone.” He’d touched his hair, loose and wild again because he’d been correcting accounting errors by himself in his room when Tahlen had knocked on his door. “Being from an old family is my only draw, and the fae blood seems to cancel that out for most. Did you… oh.” Zelli remembered turning his face away. “Is it to make you like a beat-of-four?”
That made much more sense.
He had turned back in time to see the tic in Tahlen’s jaw. Zelli had only realized later that it was anger. Tahlenhad beenangry. “You believe I’d court someone to rise in rank?”
“It’s what many beat-of-fours do,” Zelli had answered honestly. “They don’t put it in exactly those terms when they write to Grandmother about it, but it’s understood. Itisall I have to offer. They’ve made it more than clear.” Zelli was grown. His lower lip had not wobbled. “If Iwereto have someone for myself outside of that, I would want it to be someone who actually wanted me. Which is foolish, I know. Even if I were allowed to…”
“Allowed?” Tahlen had shocked Zelli by cutting him off. “When does anything stop you from doing what you want?”
“What Iwant?” Zelli had echoed, suddenly hot all over. He’d been angry too, and painfully embarrassed over what he’d assumed Tahlen had thought of him. But he hadn’t yelled or shouted or even clenched his jaw like Tahlen. He’d been quiet. “Did you expect I’d be grateful for the attention because I stare at you and I’m alone here?”
