He shut his mouth so his sharper teeth could not be glimpsed but could do nothing for his burning face. His suggestion distracted a few of them at least, Fy included, who appeared to be trying to imagine what Zelli meant.
Zelli had always thought his odder impulses were something from the hidden half of his family. But maybe that was all Zelli and he was too strange even for the fae.
Let made a strangled coughing sound, then said, polite and smooth, “Perhaps some were too embarrassed to speak of such things to others.”
She was kind to say it. Zelli lowered his head and heaved a sigh. The root beneath Zelli shifted as Tahlen dropped down to sit beside him. Their hands came apart, but then Tahlen took hold of Zelli’s hand again and placed it gently on his forearm over the vambrace.
He did not look at Zelli; his attention was on all the others. His expression, if he had one, was meant for them. Fy responded with a muttered, “Message fucking received,” before regaining his cheerful attitude. “Supper’s ready, anyway!” he called to the others, who, except for the two injured, rose to get some food. Let brought her injured guards some stew before returning to serve herself.
Tahlen leaned closer. “Have you thought about biting people, Zelli?” he asked in a private whisper, his breath brushing Zelli’s ear.
Zelli curled his fingers and toes. He turned toward Tahlen but couldn’t look at him. “Sometimes. Sometimes, you—peopleare so beautiful that it’s overwhelming and I can’t…” He made a garbled sound of frustration. “Or there is allthis”—he waved over his torso—“inside, and I…. And sometimes… sometimes I think about it without any of those reasons. I thought it was them, but what if it’s just me? Tahlen, am I…?” He did not get a chance to saywrong.
Tahlen leaned closer. “Because you want to hurt people? Or because you think it might feel good to them? Or for some other reason?”
Zelli did not think the two remaining guards could hear, but glanced to them anyway. “I don’t know. Should I think about it?”
Tahlen pressed down, urging Zelli’s fingers over tiny bumps and imperfections in the leather, then let go, leaving Zelli’s hand curled around the arm brace, which was marked, Zelli realized when he finally looked down, with faint traces of Zelli’s teeth.
“You have enough to worry over now,” Tahlen told him. “This can wait.” He then returned to keeping an eye on the others, as though Zelli wasn’t trailing his fingertips over the dents left by what some might have unfavorably referred to as his fangs.
Zelli wondered if Tahlen could feel the touches through the leather, but didn’t ask. He didn’t know what to say, and, in any case, was already biting his own lip in pained confusion.
His stomach growled, an almost pleasant distraction from his moment of shame. But since he and Tahlen had not brought bowls to eat from, and the others needed the food far more, and Zelli was still blushing hotly, he was content to sit in silence.
Fy eventually brought Zelli a bowl full of stew. Zelli thanked him for it even if he could not quite meet his eye. Not until he immediately handed the bowl to Tahlen and Fy laughed a little.
“You would avenge him exactly as you promised to,” Fy explained his laughter, then smiled and added, “and perhaps your other guards also. They’re lucky to have found you.”
Most of the Tialttyrin guards had served the family for generations, but that was the situation with most sworn guards except this group, and Zelli didn’t want to hurt them more by mentioning it.
“Vallithi,” Vint said from over by the fire, loud enough to ensure everyone could not pretend they weren’t also listening, “I can see the Tialttyrin treat you well. Would you say they are all like this one?”
Tahlen, trying to push Zelli to eat first, shared a frown with all of them. “No. His grandmother, The Tialttyrin, comes close. If you’re asking if it’s home for me—yes, it is. My sister and I freely chose to stay there over all other places we’d seen, and I take comfort in wearing the emblem of his family.”
Zelli wanted to sink his teeth into Tahlen for that statement more than he wanted any stew or dinner. That meant something. He just wasn’t sure what.
He quickly looked away. The other guards around Tahlen did not.
“A Vallithi,” Tern began, changing her tone into something more than a grunt, “a guard in the house of a beat-of-four.” Zelli could not tell if she disapproved.
It was not a question, though Tahlen responded as though it had been. “We were welcomed and treated with respect.”
“Bit more than that,” Fy muttered around a cough, sitting down not far from Zelli and Tahlen.
A tingle went down Zelli’s spine. Fy and the others had seen Zelli’sfeelingson display; Zelli had known that from how Fy joked before. But they had also decided he and Tahlen were lovers, or perhaps that Zelli used Tahlen as some of Zelli’s relatives in the capital had sometimes used guards. Those around the palace liked their bed sport, Arden had said.
If the courtship had gone ahead, he and Tahlen would have been lovers by now, almost certainly. There was no schedule for such a thing, but Zelli would have jumped at the chance, even with all his uncertainties. There was no courtship because of Zelli. Yet Tahlen, who had likely realized all this already, had taken no steps to discourage the idea among these guards.
Maybe he didn’t find the thought painful and it was only Zelli’s silliness to think he would. Or possibly he liked people to believe they were courting. Perhaps he wanted to try to court Zelli again or at least wanted to take him to bed, even with risk of being bitten.
“I don’t understand. Another noble family should have taken you in, surely.” Wain appeared confused. “A guard and a cook?”
“We’re happy enough.” Tahlen stopped to look down in surprise at Zelli’s hand on his knee. Zelli withdrew it immediately. Tahlen took Zelli by the wrist to place Zelli’s hand back on his knee, then, easy as breathing, as if that were nothing bold, continued to talk to the others. “Some noble families have not fared well of late, but who would trouble a cook?”
“Not me,” Zelli murmured, meaning it.
“But a guard for another family.” Let ruefully shook her head. “To choose that.”
