“You’ve truly never kissed anyone?” Tahlen wondered, amazed, Zelli suspected, though he couldn’t see why. “No one has ever kissed you? Not even that?”
“Is that pathetic?” Zelli worried over that more than he should. A good match would not think so, or at least wouldn’t say so. “Do you think my intended will find this sad?” he asked, anxious. This time, Tahlendidfrown. “The lack of experience in kissing is more of a problem for me than it might be for others because of my teeth.” Zelli opened his mouth to touch his tongue to the tips of his cutter teeth. Most of those without fae blood had sets of two canine teeth, one on the top and bottom of each side of their mouths. Zelli had grown in two sets of two, each with sharp points.
He flinched in surprise when Tahlen raised a hand. Tahlen stopped. “May I?”
His intention was unbelievable. Nonetheless, suddenly desperately curious, Zelli held still and angled his face toward Tahlen. He tried not to gasp when Tahlen touched his bottom lip to tug it down. Then Tahlen put his fingertips to the points of Zelli’s teeth, his eyes wide, the pupils large.
“I think,” Tahlen finally said, his face flushing darker and his voice interestingly husky, “you’ll just have to be careful. You and… whoever you choose.” He took his hand away at last and looked up to Zelli’s eyes.
“You’re not repelled by the sight of them this close?” Zelli licked his lip for traces of Tahlen but found only salt.
“No, not repelled,” Tahlen answered, then glanced away. “You don’t understand me. Maybe I don’t either. Never mind. No, I’m not repelled.”
“Thank you,” Zelli told him sincerely, even though Tahlen was correct and Zelli did not understand him at all. “You give me hope the rest won’t be a problem.”
Tahlen turned sharply back to him. “The rest?”
Zelli rolled his eyes. “As those outguards noticed almost immediately, Tahlen, I am not all that human.”
“Yes, but…” Tahlen raked his gaze down Zelli’s body, then seemed to bring himself up short. “Has that been part of your worries over your grandmother’s plans for you? Then why did you agree to them?”
Zelli sighed heavily. He’d hoped Tahlen had grasped his reasons so they wouldn’t need to be discussed.
“It will help everyone here. More security, and, incidentally, better trade for their wines and other products. And… it’s lonely being what I am where I am. I will possibly end up lonely somewhere else. But I don’t have to stay there forever. And I will do something useful in the meantime.”
“You didn’t have to be lonely.”
The quiet statement drew Zelli’s attention up to Tahlen’s face. “You were lonely too,” Zelli said, his voice only shaking a little. “But I’ve seen who you would choose now if you had more options available to you.”
Tahlen dared to look confused. “What are you talking about?”
“Kat Ryssa,” Zelli pronounced the name clearly, then glanced away. The offering beneath the apple tree was still there. He huffed.
“What.” Tahlen did not ask it. “You see too much.” In response, Zelli huffed again. Tahlen continued, his tone like a sparking fire. “But you don’t understand a great deal of what you see. How those outguards looked at me and yet not that look in anyone else’s eyes for you.”
Zelli had a glare for that which Tahlen deserved, since Zelli had told him he had no experience. “How am I supposed to?” he demanded, then stopped nervously. “Do you think this ignorance will upset my intended?”
Tahlen was irked by the glare, or at least did not pretend not to see it. “I have no desire to talk about your intended.”
Zelli’s glare probably shifted into a muddled look of bewilderment. “But what did you think would happen if an alliancewasarranged and you and I were…? Oh. You don’t want to speak of that.”
Tahlen nonetheless spoke of it, straightening to seem even taller. “I would have dealt with it,” he admitted without looking away. “I would never have let you go, in any case.” He froze, then shook his head. “Not alone,” he corrected himself stiffly and only got more stone-like as he went on. “I would never have let you go alone to meet this person. I would have to assure your grandmother of your safety and happiness.”
“Happiness?” It hurt to know Tahlen thought Zelli would be happy far away from them all.
“Yes, happiness.” Tahlen pulled in a breath and some warmth returned to his voice. “I’d want you to be happy, Zelli.”
“That could take some time,” Zelli reasoned aloud, light filling some of the hollow inside him. “Months or even years. What ifyouwere unhappy there?” He watched Tahlen closely. “You will say, ‘I am offering, Zelli,’ and, ‘Gladly,’ and then I will say, ‘I couldn’t force you, Tahlen,’ as though we both don’t know that, and I will be confused again.” He took a breath, then let it out. “What if I am never happy there? May I tell you something in confidence? Though I want to visit other places, I don’t think I’m meant for them. I’m meant to be here, or it feels so at night when I can’t sleep. Which is why I don’t think about it.”
“You mention it enough.” Tahlen watched Zelli just as closely.
Zelli flapped a hand dismissively. “I worry over the things I need to learn, the role I am to play. Not the rest of it.” His voice broke. “When you and the others will finally leave me there and I will be alone again. More alone than I am even now. I’ll be in a place where I do not belong, and there will be very few people, or no people, like me. And my grandmother will be ill without me, and you will be far from me and I might not ever see you again. I…” Zelli shut his eyes. “I don’t think about it. I’ve worked hard to not think about it.”
Tahlen took his hand, a gentle hold Zelli could have broken without effort. Zelli blinked up at him.
“Zelli,” Tahlen put weight on each word, “I won’t leave you.”
“Tahlen,” Zelli tried to keep the wobble from his voice, “I can’t ask that of you.”
