Tahlen’s voice was flat. “Yes.”
There were nuances to flirting, Zelli decided absently, because he’d missed all of them. “But they spent all their time looking at you.” The objection was reasonable. “They only called me…”Tiny.Pretty. “Oh.” Tahlen’s steady, burning stare wasn’t the only thing making Zelli feel too hot. “But they’re sobig, I’d—both of them? Really? But Mil was so handsome.”
Zelli realized he was staring dazedly at nothing while dreaming of being between Arden and Mil beneath the stars. Zelli had taken his own fingers before, as much as he could get when twisting his wrist and stretching, but he wasn’t at all sure that he could have taken Mil’s cock. That was, if Mil’s cock was proportional to the rest of him. Arden’s… possibly. Arden was near Tahlen’s height, and again, assuming proportions.
“Oh,” Zelli said again, thinking of Tahlen now, which he often had, but never like that. Tahlen might have watched them. Tahlen might have joined in, and then at least Zelli would have been able to see Tahlen be someone else’s lover.
The thought made his blood pound. It also stabbed Zelli right near his heart. “I don’t think I would like that,” he said in a whisper, meaning both allowing the two outguards to tup him and watching them with Tahlen. If he was thinking about that instead of the pleasure he might have had with two compelling strangers, then the pleasure they’d offered still would have not eased the feelings that the fae and his grandmother seemed to want him to face.
He chewed his bottom lip. “Would you have also gone off with them? If I hadn’t been there,” he anticipated Tahlen’s argument, “and it was the three of you, with no Zelli to protect, you could have. They looked at you in a certain way.”
He pulled at his necklace, but unless he unfastened it, it wouldn’t reach his teeth for him to bite on it.
Arden did not seem easily trusting. Neither did Mil. And yet when Zelli thought of it, he saw Mil on his back or Mil with his hungry mouth around Tahlen’s cock. Tahlen might make noises or relax or smile as he had for Kat Ryssa, and Arden would look so proud of them both before he reached out to….
Zelli shook his head firmly. “Arden can keep his shiny rock,” he spat, “I wouldn’t trust him with you.”
“A certain way,” Tahlen echoed, ignoring all mention of rocks. “How did they look at me, Zelli?”
Since Tahlen was unlikely to have missed the heat in their gazes, Zelli crossed his arms and muttered under his breath.
“You know how they looked at you. It’s how many look at you. They—Mil—would like you to fuck him. Arden… I think Arden thought you were beautiful.” Zelli got even quieter. “Which you are.” His cuts were beginning to sting in earnest but it was a nice distraction from his other discomforts. “They were married,” he added, more thoughtful now. “And in love. And open to other lovers, as some are. But I don’t know if they were open to more love, as some are not. And some are not open to either. Couples, that is. Some are content with just themselves. Grandmother is…” he looked down, “Grandmother has sent letters to some who are already hand-fasted or all but hand-fasted with another. I’m not sure if I am supposed to… I guess I will meet them and discover how we all feel. It seemed nice, what Arden and Mil had. I would like to have that, but I imagine I won’t. Still, perhaps my intended and I will be friends. I’d like a friend. You… you are more experienced than I am, obviously.” Everyone was more experienced than Zelli. “You’re… more like them, I expect. But you should have that, if you want it. The love, as well as the lovers.”
Tahlen had gone silent again. Zelli couldn’t find any anger in himself about it.
“We could gain a strong ally, of course, with whoever Grandmother chooses for me. For that, I would do my best to like them. It might grow into more, although she cautioned me about finding another in my time there. She says….” Zelli raised his head but didn’t meet Tahlen’s eyes. “She says my feelings are strong, and I would make them too public and forget about the feelings of my other partner. So maybe I am not meant for such a relationship. But others… I mean…youmight not mind such an arrangement? Or would possibly prefer it?”
“Your intended will be charmed by you in time,” Tahlen said evenly, gaze steady on Zelli when Zelli finally raised his. “That you care deeply shouldn’t be held against you, and if your intended is smart and deserving of you, they will appreciate that.”
A good and sensible answer. The correct answer, even. Zelli frowned to hear it, pulling at his necklace. “But what doyouthink of such things?”
Tahlen’s face told him absolutely nothing. “If such an arrangement were required of me, I would do my best.”
“Required of you?” Zelli said back to him curiously. “So you don’t want that? Tahlen, do you… want someone all to yourself? Would you like a one-and-only?”
“I didn’t say that,” Tahlen argued, stiffening.
“And you don’t have a cat,” Zelli returned pointedly. “Why would you…” ask to court Zelli knowing Zelli was nearly promised to another? But he knew the answer; the Tialttyrin holding could be a lonely place. Tahlen might have been willing to tolerate sharing a lover if it meant less loneliness.
“Many people have or want just one other,” Zelli tried to reassure him, ready to dislike anyone who would get all that steadfast Tahlen attention for themselves. “Some people have a one-and-only, then years later surprise themselves by falling in love again. Or some seem to choose a one-and-only for a while and then they move on to another.” Tahlen was likely not either sort, and he should have what he truly wanted. Zelli held in a sigh and pretended he could put Tahlen from his mind once and for all. “I suppose I will learn about all that in time as well, or if I would desire tupping enough to want it from many, or just one.”
“I’m sorry,” he added, although Tahlen would despair of him apologizing yet again. “I shouldn’t be saying all these things to you when you can’t want to hear them. It’s because you’re kind enough to listen and there’s no one else. As ever with me. No one near my age or station who will even come near me, much less let me worry aloud to them or flirt with them or try kissing them or… or any of that. There is only you, and you don’t—you say you like me and I believe you. But I’ve no desire to test your patience further.”
Tahlen’s expression could not have been called a frown. It was slow to form, and though his eyebrows descended, his eyes themselves were full of wonder.
Tahlen spoke slowly as well. “You haven’t even had a friend to learn or play with when you were younger? Or someone in the village when you were a little older? No one?”
“They are wary of me.” Zelli gestured at himself. “I’m not fully human, Tahlen.” He smiled sadly, showing a hint of too many sharp teeth. “I’m a flower only to one outguard I will never see again.”
Tahlen dropped his attention to his hand, which was clenched. He seemed to force it to open, and then said, more to the ground than to Zelli, “The nasturtiums, the ones with vines that fall from the lower fortress walls to the ground below.” His voice was rough. “Your hair is nearly every color they have.”
Zelli went warm all over without even being certain it was a compliment. “People pluck the blossoms sometimes to eat them,” he informed Tahlen breathlessly.
“I have often done so.” Tahlen looked up and seemed startled when their eyes met. “I’m very fond of them.”
Tahlen had looked at those flowers and thought of Zelli. Tahlen had thought of Zelli with the bright, peppery citrus of them on his tongue.
Zelli tripped forward until he had to stop or tumble over Tahlen’s boots. He tipped his head back so he wouldn’t miss the light in Tahlen’s eyes.
