Zelli peered up at him. “I was changed?”
“Something was different.” Tahlen did not unbend, but neither had he stormed away at the mention of their conversation the night before. “I thought it was your anger with me. But there was nothing obviously wrong.”
“Wrong.” Zelli looked away again, then resigned himself to the confession. It was practice, he told himself, for what he’d have to tell his intended. A thought which only increased his misery.
“You might say I am wrong,” he went on. “Sometimes I experience things that most do not experience. And yes, before you say it, I knew I might experience them when out here with you, but they usually are not like this and also haven’t happened in months, so the risk seemed minimal.” He couldfeelTahlen’s objections building and held up a hand. “Also, as I said, I have their attention, possibly more than most other Tialttyrins. I knew better than to wish recklessly, so if that is the cause, I will be furious with myself. You don’t deserve this.”
Instead of fury, he got concerned curiosity. “So… whatever is going on is something new to you?”
“Yes.” Zelli exhaled in relief before facing Tahlen again. “Thank you for understanding. And I don’t think there’s too much reason to worry. If this turns out tonotbe something that I caused, then it’s something natural for me and I will just have to figure out what it is. Most of those are bearable. Um.” Zelli wet his lips. “I would need some privacy, but they are bearable.”
“Most?”Of all of the words for Tahlen to note, it was that one. “Do we need to head back?”
“No,” Zelli answered honestly, but slow and hesitating. “I don’t think so,” he amended. “I truly think I caused this.” Tahlen’s silence was somehow stubborn, as if he would stand there and wait until Zelli told him everything. He probably would. Zelli briefly scowled. “I was frustrated last night. You’re frustrating. I want to understand you. I try, but I can’t. I don’t know what you mean, or why you do what you do, or why you would share smiles with that….” Zelli scratched pointlessly over his ribs. “I may have wished something.”
The silence now could have been shock or outrage. Zelli tensed.
Tahlen’s tone was flat. “May have wished something.”
“It shouldn’t affect you,” Zelli assured him.
“Are you sick?” Tahlen demanded. “Because then it does affect me.”
“This is what I mean.” Zelli rubbed harder when annoyance and frustration seemed to combine into an especially terriblewrongpatch. “You’re so confusing! I didn’t plan this, please believe me. I wouldn’t do that to you.” All the rubbing and scratching was useless. He knew that. But he had to do something with Tahlen quiet and alarmed. “The situation is… that… I don’t feelwell, but I seem to feelbetterwhen you… are close.” He continued on in a mortified rush. “Better still when you touch me.”
He raised his head, miserable and half-convinced Tahlen was going to leave him here to suffer alone until he remembered this was Tahlen. Even hating Zelli, he wouldn’t do that. “Just riding next to you should be fine!” Zelli promised him without knowing if that was remotely true. “If it’s natural for me, it will likely fade after a day or so, as those situations tend to. Three days at the most, and that has only happened once, when you—never mind that. If it’s an answer to a wish… I can deal with it when we’re home.”
“You wished for this?” Tahlen asked, very soft. “To have me touch you?”
“Ah,” Zelli said first, uselessly. “If you pay attention to the stories, the fae do not exactly grant wishes how people expect. They provide a path. And that only if they feel like it. This is the path they’ve given me. I’m so sorry.”
Tahlen dropped his arms to his sides. “To help you to understand me?” he prompted, brows joined in stiff displeasure. “I don’t think I’m hard to understand.”
“Pft.” Zelli couldn’t help himself. He met Tahlen’s bewildered gaze. “I just found out about your family yesterday, Tahlen! You make decisions and think things based on all you have learned, and your life has very much not been mine! It hasn’t been like the life of anyone else I know, except your sister, who would not speak with me if I were to ask about you.Of courseI don’t understand you!”
He was breathing hard.
Tahlen gave him no reply for several aching moments, then said uncertainly, “You could ask me.”
“And you will speak?” Zelli paused his scratching to wave at the empty air between them. “You talk to Grandmother as you do not talk to me. Not unless I act as I do right now, childish and too emotional.”
Tahlen shook his head. “Not childish. Angry.Hurt. I—why do you believe I don’t like you?”
Zelli forgot the wrongness and the itch. “What?”
“You said….” Tahlen did not explain whatever Zelli had apparently once said. He squared his shoulders and then went on. “You speak and act as though you’re a problem for me, as though I don’t like you.”
Zelli briefly looked to the horses, but the horses offered him no clues as to how the conversation had come to this.
“Well,” he began at last, “you don’t.” He tried not to make it a question. “When you first came to us, you did not like me at all and I did nothing to help that. You’re tired of me apologizing, but Iamsorry for how I was then, how I followed you and called you Tahly as though you were mine to name. I’d just never….” His voice grew as small as he was. “I’m very alone there. And you’re impressive. You know you are. Youshouldknow it, if you don’t.”
He wasn’t surprised to get more silence this time. But since Tahlen stared at him, he stared back. Zelli wasn’t defiant or even angry anymore. Tahlen didn’t understand Zelli either, it seemed. Although he’d be wise to stop assuming he did and interrupting Zelli before Zelli could finish talking.
Tahlen abruptly lowered his head. “When I first came to the Tialttyrin’s stronghold, I was too willing to see you as a spoiled beat-of-four who knew nothing and had never wanted for anything.”
“And I was annoying,” Zelli added,almostlight. “You can say it.”
“You were curious,” Tahlen corrected him. “But you never demanded anything, not even my attention. That was always an accident, and felt… impersonal when we first met.”
