“I upset you.” Zelli hadn’t intended to bring it up and fretted over that too. “I’m sorry.”
If anything he said should have been ignored, it was that, but he turned toward Tahlen in grateful relief when Tahlen called his name.
Tahlen’s gaze was steadier than Zelli could ever have managed. “I have no desire to rise in rank, please believe me.” Zelli nodded eagerly to indicate he did believe that and Tahlen blinked, perhaps startled, but continued. “Regarding anything else… you did nothing wrong. Never think that.”
The dreadful sensation in Zelli’s chest did not ease even when Tahlen looked away.
“You don’t need to be kind to me.” Zelli did not allow his voice to tremble. “But you didn’t want to speak to me—of it,” he added hurriedly, so Tahlen would not think him demanding. “So we don’t have to. I’ll behave better. And soon, I won’t even be around to bother you!” He hoped it came out brightly, although he had not allowed himself to consider that, either, in the past few months.
When he left, he would not see Tahlen again. Not for a long time.
A wretched, horrible thought. Zelli should not have voiced it. And now he had no tasks to distract him from it.
He had spent several months distracting himself, he realized in that very moment, and wondered that Tahlen and Grandmother would bother with him at all.
“You’re staring,” Tahlen remarked after a while, unexpectedly rough. “You have nothing to worry about,” he said again.
This time, Zelli understood. Tahlen meant he wasn’t angry, but he wasn’t going to ask again or bring it up. That was more than Zelli had hoped for.
He gave Tahlen a wide smile he doubted Tahlen noticed, and like Tahlen, turned away from the previous subject of conversation. “When we get to the village, they’re going to think you are The Tialttyrin.” It was a joke, but he was probably right. “You have a noble bearing I never will.”
Tahlen was a legend in a song, the very image of a hero on a faded tapestry full of flowers and fae watching from the corners and lots of armored bodies missing their heads around the feet of his beautiful steed.
“You have the hair… and height… of your family,” Tahlen offered, Zelli hoped not with pity. “And they will recognize who you are as soon as you speak. It is inescapable. They will listen whether they want to or not. They’ll have to.”
Tahlen did not sigh in a melancholic fashion after that, it merely seemed as though he did.
Zelli perked up slightly, even if Tahlen was being polite. “Thank you.” He resisted the urge to squirm at Tahlen’s approval. “As I said, I’m glad to have you with me. Though I still almost wish I were more the sort of beat-of-four who did not rely on guards so much, the sort to be trusted to ride out on their own. But then, I also would like it if things were less dangerous right now, and that, if we are to have a ruler, it will be a good one, who lasts. I don’t much care about the descent from Earls, or therightEarls. Though I suppose I should.” He made a face. “I’ve too many things to wish for, really, when wishes should be made with care or not at all, and I don’t have to work in the fields for my wine, or stand in the heat of the kitchens for my bread. Or… wear armor and swear to die for someone else.”
He thought, too late, that if he were speaking of wishes, he might have wished for someone in his future marriage who might love him. Or for Tahlen to. Or for Tahlen to find love elsewhere. But all of that stayed locked in his throat.
Anyway, Tahlen turned to him and the fire in his gaze was so startling that Zelli forgot to breathe.
“Zelli, I could have worked for you without taking any oaths. I chose it. And I tell you again now, I will put my body between yours and danger, freely,gladly.Don’t waste a wish thinking otherwise.”
A hoarse, wheezing sound pushed its way from Zelli’s chest.
It was foolish to be glad that Tahlen was not angry with him, and at the same time, to want to shout that he would not accept Tahlen dying for him. Zelli would call the attention of every fae in the other world and this one before he would allow that to happen, and bit his lip with his sharp, sharp teeth to keep that inside with everything else.
“I would never forgive you if you died for me.” He managed it after too long of a silence, when the fog had all but cleared and Tahlen had turned to face forward once more. “Although I would not outlive you long, since your sister would kill me,” Zelli added, only marginally calmer.
He did not imagine the quick twist of Tahlen’s lips, the brief half-smile. He did not.
“She might,” Tahlen agreed. His tone suggested the smile had never happened.
But ithad.
Zelli turned his head so he wouldn’t be caught staring again and they continued on, side by side, in silence that was confusing, but not as heavy as before.
Four
The moment a large building for the making of wine came into sight in the distance in one of the fields beyond the road, Tahlen slowed to ride slightly behind Zelli. By the time the shapes of houses in the village could be seen on the horizon, Tahlen had thrown his cloak over one shoulder to free his sword arm and pulled back even more so that Zelli was unquestionably in the lead.
Zelli tried to pat his hair into place and straighten his clothing before anyone could see him, but someone must have noticed their approach because a few children were waiting along the roadside as they started to pass houses that stood alone, and then more children and several adults as well as the houses began to stand closer together on either side of the road that bisected the village.
The skies held only one or two clouds and the sun was high. Tahlen had believed Grandmother wouldn’t send anyone after them if it was clear they would reach the nearest village before anyone could catch up with them; she wouldn’t want to risk looking foolish by publicly dragging back an unruly family member.
Zelli thoughthewould have done it if he were disobeyed, but then he supposed it wasn’t a serious enough matter when considered that way. He wasn’t riding to gather forces against her. He was stubbornly and perhaps incompetently trying to help her.
