Then I remember what Martha said about making it a career. It feels right.
I’m worried how my mom and Clay will take it, though. That’s why I decided to broach the subject with my mom first.
Sitting on my bed, I take a deep breath. I know she’s got about an hour before she has to start getting ready for work. She’s probably sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee, watching one of her talk shows.
The thought brings a smile to my face as I dial her number.
“Hey, baby. Shouldn’t you be in class?” she asks.
“I’m on my lunch break. What are you up to?”
“Watching theKelly Clarkson Show. She really is a funny girl. Shame that asshole ex of hers broke her heart.”
I’ve heard so much about Kelly Clarkson’s divorce that I know better than to encourage her.
“For sure. Are you going to work soon?”
“Yep. How’s school?”
“Good. I’m dating someone,” I admit to her.
“Clay mentioned that you started dating. Didn’t tell me much. Does he approve?” she asks.
“I wouldn’t say that,” I hesitantly tell her.
“Good. He’s your older brother. He needs to put the poor sap through his paces. Tell me about him. Do you think it’s serious?”
I think about the fact that every morning I wake up thinking about him and how he is the last thing on my mind when I close my eyes at night. I miss him when he isn’t around. I text him throughout the day just to feel close to him.
“I want it to be. It’s only been a little over a month since we started dating.” I leave out that we had a little hiccup there for a moment. “He’s a good guy. I really like him.”
“Oh, baby. I am so happy to hear that. You deserve some light in your life. Don’t go tying yourself down too soon, though. You need to experience life a little before you settle down.”
I frown at her words. I don’t need to experience life. I feel like I’ve lived through so much of it that I should easily be in my forties instead of my teens.
I don’t tell her that, though. I don’t want to add to her guilt.
“I know, Mom. I actually called to talk to you about school. What do you think about me taking a few years off? Until I figure out what I really want to do,” I tell her.
“Oh, Cora, honey. You are so sweet, but you don’t need to do that. That’s what college is for. You’re supposed to be finding yourself while you are there.” Her voice drips in concern.
“I know, but I think I might want to do something else.”
“Honey, I know what you are trying to do. I appreciate it. You and your brother have been so good to me. Always trying to limit the money you spend because you don’t want to take too much from me. It’s so kind of you both, but I don’t need it. Clay has his scholarship, and if you keep up the good grades, you will keep yours too. I have plenty to live on.”
“That’s not what I meant.” I sigh.
“You don’t have to keep worrying about your old mama. I’m doing good down here. I miss the two of you something fierce, but I’m happy that you are doing so well. I swear it was just yesterday when you would run around the house chasing one another using my underwear as hats.” She starts to laugh, but I hear the sob sneak out.
My heart drops. I can’t do this to her. Not now.
“I know, Mom. We were a bunch of rowdy kids.” I smile sadly to the empty room.
“I wouldn’t have traded it for the world, though. I worked so hard to keep a roof over our heads that sometimes I feel like I blinked and you were both gone. I missed so much. Promise me you’ll savor your life. Live in the moment and enjoy it.”
I play with the corner of my blanket. “You know I will. It’s my life motto.”
It’s the truth. Which is why I want to quit school and take the job. I feel like it is what is calling me right now. I’d have to stay in school until May to keep my dorm, but after that I could move into an apartment. Grace has already been talking about moving out of the hockey house once Clay is drafted in June. We could room together.
