I’d miss him. Hell, I miss him when he’s right next to me. Thinking about going back makes my heart hurt. It ached the whole time I was gone. I hoped Z would have missed me, but it doesn’t appear that way.
If it’s not already obvious, I am in love with him. I think I have loved him my whole life. I can’t pinpoint when it happened,but I swear the feelings I have seem as though they’ve been there forever. Always a part of me.
I really need to talk to him. To try to iron this out. I would rather not leave things this way. He might be being an ass because he feels it too. There is a lingering tension between us. I can’t be the only one feeling it.
I mean, watching my brother and Tova together, Warren was kind of a dick at times, not realizing that he was hopelessly in love with her. I have always been one to say what I’m thinking, except when it comes to Z. I should go to his room and speak to him. I'll never be able to sleep or come to the right decision about leaving if I don't. I can put it all out there.
"I'm doing it," I say, trying to pep myself up. I hurry into the bathroom, fluffing my hair and putting on lip gloss. It's late; if I do much more, it will appear like I'm trying too hard. I'm not going to beg. I only want him to be honest with me. I can’t keep living this way.
I debate changing out of my pajamas. It's a sweet little sleep dress that used to hit right at my knee when I got it a couple years ago. It had been one of my Christmas gifts from Z. Now it's on the shorter side, but I still wear it often. It reminds me of him.
I poke my head out of my room to see if anyone is around. This house is massive; even if a lot of people are here, it never feels that way. When I see the coast is clear, I hurry out of my bedroom and down the hallway toward Z's room.
He normally doesn't stay here, but everyone had come back home for my brother's wedding. Now most everyone has left, besides me, which is why I think Z stayed. I’m sure he’s here to keep an eye on me, making sure I'm not up to anything. What does he really think I'm going to do? Stab someone again?
When I make it to Z’s room, my fist hovers before knocking. I can do this. I give myself another pep talk before knocking. Ipress my ear to the door but don’t hear anything. He might be at his billion computers with headphones on.
I test the knob, and it’s not locked. Normally it is. He keeps his room on lockdown. Was he so mad at me he forgot to lock it? Slowly I open it to peek inside, expecting to see him at his desk with a million and one monitors, but he’s not. The only light comes from the wall of screens, casting a soft blue across the room. I slip inside, shutting the door behind me.
If he went to the city, it's going to piss me off. Okay, I will act pissed off, but it's hurt that I will actually feel. With everything that happened today and his worry over me, I was sure he'd come back to the farm. I want him toneedto be near me.
I should snoopis the first thought I have as I venture farther into his room. With the house as massive as it is, everyone's bedroom looks like a small apartment, just without a kitchen. I stop walking when I see Z lying on the bed, his arm over his eyes, his dark hair is messier than usual. I creep forward, not sure if he's awake or not. I wish I could have fallen asleep. Normally Z is always awake, it seems like.
Gently I sit down on the side of the bed closest to him, not wanting to wake him. I want to watch him, if only for a few seconds. As usual, I have no control. I reach out to touch his arm that is thrown over his face, but I never get the chance. Z moves, grabbing my arm and flipping me over and onto my back, pinning me beneath him.
“Z, it’s me,” I gasp. He stares down at me, his chocolate colored eyes darker than normal.
“It’s always you,” he responds before his mouth is taking possession of mine, not giving me a chance to ask what he means… but with his mouth on mine, I don’t care about anything else because for me it has always been him too.
Chapter Two
Z
Cosima’s sultry sweetness consumes me. It’s not surprising. She has always had a way of consuming every part of me. Of drawing me in, even when we were younger. There is a pull to her that sets her apart from everyone else. I think it might be slowly killing me. A bittersweet way to die. Even now she’s in my dreams. She has been for years. It’s the only time I can truly have her.
I deepen the kiss. Cosima's lips are softer than anything I have ever felt before. My tongue thrusts into her mouth, and she strokes hers against mine, matching my pace. That's my Cosima, giving as good as she gets. Her lips may be sweet, but her tongue is wicked.
With Cosima, you never know which side of her you might get. She’s unpredictable and hard to control. That shouldn't make her all the more alluring, but it does. Then again, I've never been good at staying away from things that should be off-limits.
“You smell so damn good.” I kiss down her jaw to her ear. “I need to taste you, sweetness.”
“Yes,” she moans as I continue my journey down the column of her neck. My hands push up the nightgown I bought her yearsago. What once was cute and adorable now fits her more snugly, showing off all her curves.
In my dreams, she’s always wearing it. The same as when she’s actually home to drive me insane. It shows off way too much of her legs, my mind now always wondering what kind of panties she might have on. It would only take a small lift to find out. I have to fight myself not to do it when she’s roaming around the house in it.
But right now I can find out. In my fantasies and dreams I can do anything to her that I want, and fuck me, I have. If her family knew the things I wanted from Cosima, they’d skin me alive. What makes it worse is that they are like family to me, and I know this is the only way I can ever have her. These are stolen moments when I can find rare sleep.
I lift up on one arm, wanting to see her. The computer screens are the only light in the room. Cosima shifts, pulling it the rest of the way off, leaving her in only a pair of panties. My eyes roam over her body. My hand strokes up the side to her breast before cupping it in my hand. My thumb feathers across her nipple, making it harden more. Perfection. Every damn inch of her is.
“Z.” Cosima’s hand lifts to cup the side of my face. “Don’t stop.”
“I’m not. Not until I’ve tasted you. Felt you come around my cock.”
Cosima sucks in a breath, nodding. I don’t need her approval. Not in my dreams. I can take and let that darkness consume us both.
I lean down, sucking her nipple into my mouth. She gasps, her back lifting to press her tit farther into my mouth. I latch on, my hand going for the other. Her tits spill between my fingers.
Cosima has always been on the curvy side, filling out over the last few years. That’s when I knew how badly I wanted her. Mythoughts of her went to a darker place. One I didn’t know existed inside of me until she brought it to light. A side of me that I’m finding isn’t all that sane or rational. Not when it comes to her, anyway.
