Chapter One
COSIMA
“We are not getting upset about this or apologizing.” I pace back and forth in my bedroom. It might be the adrenaline, but I can’t get myself to calm down.
I’m a mix of emotions, which isn’t a shocker for me. I have never been great at control, especially when it comes to my feelings. I know that and try to balance myself, but in the heat of the moment, I respond in kind. What energy you give me, I’ll give right back.
Hence why I stabbed the guy; he totally had it coming. The jerkoff backhanded me, but I’d wanted him to. I was doing what I thought was best, protecting my friends and my sister-in-law. That is who the creep was after to begin with.
My sister-in-law has only grazed the world my family lives in. She has lived on the edge of it, and Tova is so sweet. There was no way in hell I was allowing some jerk to take her from us. She and I have become really close since I’ve been home from school abroad.
When that man pulled the gun out, I did what my family taught me. I bided my time and tried to keep his attention off Tova. I knew the second he came through the door who he wasafter. My sister-in-law married my oldest brother Warren, who we all call War.
War has been taking over for our family, our father slipping into semi-retirement. My father has held a stronghold of the city my whole life; it's really all I know. Now War is in his place, and my brother is different from my father.
He is far more deadly in my opinion, but he's also very rational and was intent on making changes and going more legit, and it has been working. Other people haven’t been happy about that. War didn't give a shit.
That was until Tova. People considered his affection toward her a weak spot and figured he was slipping. That he wasn’t being rational anymore. They made the mistake of trying to go after her.
It didn't play out well for them, and maybe I stabbed someone because they were dumb enough to even hatch a plan to take Tova. These things happen. I should be getting a thank you card, maybe some nice chocolates.
All I got was an ass chewing from Zenzo, who we all call Z, but that's par for the course these days. The man is bossier with me than my own brothers, who he grew up with. Z may tower over me but I can hold my own. I give as good as I get.
I don't get why Z is so pissed about it. I was protecting my family the same way he does. I suppose he doesn’t think I’m competent enough. Not everyone can be a genius like him.
Sure, he does it from behind a screen usually, but it’s the same thing. Such a double standard. But then again, Z and I haven’t been getting along for a few years now. He snaps at me about everything. Not that I’m much better.
I’m not sure when things shifted, but they did. He’s more overbearing than my brothers, which is saying a lot. But at one time we’d been close. I would have called him the closest person to me in the whole world, and damn do I miss that, miss him.
My whole life, Z has been around. My father brought him home when he was only a young boy. I wasn’t born yet. My mom was actually pregnant with me at the time. He grew up with my brothers and was always with them.
Z always was more protective of me, but he also took a more active role in my life when we were younger. Then things changed. I can't even put my finger on exactly when or why, but they had. He and I can only seem to fight anymore.
When I went off to school in Europe, I thought things might get better, but when I would come back, he either ignored me or was on my butt about this or that. He's had a stick up his ass for a while now. Which makes me always snap back at him.
Today, though, it was different. I have never seen Z lose his shit the way he did. This time I didn't have a smart-ass response. I could see not only the anger in his eyes but worry as well.
It was a fight not to burst into tears after he shouted in my face and then kind of lost it. Which is saying a lot because I had had a gun in my face, been backhanded, and then stabbed someone a few minutes prior, and I wasn't anywhere close to tears through all of that.
Even now, thinking about Z’s harsh words, my eyes start to burn. I should go talk to him. Maybe I do owe him a teeny-tiny apology for the whole Marks thing. We hadn’t told anyone she would be showing up too. I may have gone too far this time, but in my defense, we had already planned to go shopping.
Our small side quest didn’t change what would have happened. Plus, if Marks wasn’t there and hadn’t used my phone to dial them so they could hear what was going on, who knows what would’ve happened. On second thought, I don’t owe him anything. I fold my arms over my chest, focusing on my anger and not the hurt that I’m actually feeling.
Also! He was the reason I had to go on a side quest. Z is good with computers. Who am I kidding? The man is a genius withthem. I'm convinced he was somehow in my phone. He always knows what I'm up to and is three steps ahead.
So when we went on our shopping adventure, we invited Tova's friend Marks, who I think might be as badass with computers as Z. Marks was going to have a peek into my phone to see if I was right and to also see if she could get him out of it.
I mean, it’s not like there is anything juicy on my phone, but maybe a girl doesn’t want him checking out their Kindle. Those things are private, but with Z, he doesn’t believe in much privacy when it comes to me.
He thinks I can’t take care of myself. I hope today finally showed that I could handle myself. I didn’t panic, and I did what needed to be done. What did that get me? Screamed at.
I was pretty much told I was a spoiled brat. I can concede that one. I mean, I’m the only girl in this family, or I had been before Tova. It was him saying that I think everything is a game and joke that struck a chord for me.
He might be right in part. I do things to get his attention. I can’t deny that. I’ve turned into the boy on the playground pulling my crush’s hair to get some kind of reaction.
You either laugh or cry. I know I use humor as armor. Then when he said,And you wonder why we keep you in Europe, that cut deep.
It made me feel as though no one wanted me here. I had been asking to come back to the States and was pushed off time and time again. It might be for the best if I went back.
