‘I do,’ I said, though I wasn’t sure this was the truth.‘But Jo’s still in Galway and Brian’s in Meath with his whole family.So we can’t get into the garage.Unless Jess gave you some housebreaking tools for Christmas …’
Look at me, saying her name as if it didn’t cause me physical pain.
‘I meant just me and you,’ said Tadhg.‘You could call over to my place.But you know, if you want to wait for the others, that’s grand …’
I fell back on my bed and stared at the ceiling.I felt like Tadhg was trying to make a statement here, showing me that he and I were still friends and bandmates, even though he had a gorgeous new girlfriend who was probably going to take up all his free time from now on.And I felt I should make a statement too, and that statement was that I was totally cool with this.
So I said, ‘No, let’s do it.’
The next afternoon I found myself walking up the drive of a nice 1930s semi-detached house in Clontarf, guitar case clutched in my hand.My mother had given me a lift, largely because she was worried about me, seeing as I had spent pretty much the entire Christmas holidays on the phone to the stalwart Katie or holed up in my room, crying quietly and writing heartbroken, angry songs on my guitar.She even refrained from reminding me I should be spending more of my final college year studying than messing around with a band.
Most of the songs were terrible, but that morning I had found myself strumming a chord sequence that had something special, nice and poppy but with a bittersweet edge.The more I played it the better it sounded, and I created a melody for it that worked perfectly.Then I wrote some intentionally bland lyrics for the chorus, trite and romantic words about wanting someone to be your summer girl, so silly and meaningless that it wouldn’t hurt me hearing Tadhg sing them while knowing he was thinking about Jess.
As soon as I rang Tadhg’s doorbell I wished I hadn’t said yes to this.How could I be normal with him when my heart hurt so much?But it was too late to back out now because the door was opening and there he was.
‘Hey!’he said.‘Thanks a million for coming over.’
‘Hey yourself,’ I said, and let him hug me.
I followed him into the kitchen, where a good-lookingmiddle-aged woman with dark wavy hair was emptying the dishwasher.
She looked up and smiled when we came in.‘Hello!You must be Jess.’
I think I physically flinched.Tadhg said, ‘No, Mam, this is Laura from the band.Jess is calling over tomorrow.’
‘Of course!’said Tadhg’s mother.‘Sorry, Laura, I got the days mixed up.You know what it’s like at Christmas.Lovely to meet you at last.I’m Marian.’
‘Lovely to meet you too,’ I said.
‘Tim’s told me what a brilliant musician you are,’ she said, as Tadhg put the kettle on.
‘I don’t know about that,’ I said.
‘Don’t listen to her,’ said Tadhg.‘Sheisbrilliant.’
It felt very strange seeing Tadhg’s room for the first time.It was pretty much what I’d expected his former teenage bedroom to look like – indie film posters on the walls, some photos of friends, postcards and cuttings, packed bookshelves, piles of music magazines, a stereo and shelves of tapes, CDs and records.And a Casio keyboard and two amps.
‘What’s it like living back here again after being an independent gentleman in Cork for three years?’I said, sitting in a battered wicker chair.
‘Not exactly ideal,’ said Tadhg, sitting down on the single bed.‘But you know, my folks are grand.It could be worse.And if I can get some teaching work next year I’ll try to move out.’
And of course, I thought, Jess has her flat in Fitzwilliam Square.But I couldn’t think about that now.And I really didn’t want to hear him talk about her.So before Tadhg could potentially start telling me how wonderful she was and what a great time he’d had in her house, I said, ‘I wrote a bit of a song this morning.’
And for the first time, I played Tadhg what we’d end up calling ‘our song’.
I played the chords, and then I played the melody on the keyboard, and as usual he told me to just sing it and I refused.I handed him the lyrics, which I’d scrawled on a piece of paper.
He reached over to his desk and grabbed his minidisc player.‘Let’s record it.’
We ran through the song, me playing guitar and him singing, and I realised I was definitely right – this song had something special, something potentially better than any other song we’d done.Tadhg’s voice made the chorus – ‘You’re gonna be my summer girl, it’s all that I dreamed of’ – sound like an anthem.We played the two verses and choruses and then we stopped.
‘Fuck, Lol,’ he said.‘This is good.’
‘It is, isn’t it?’I said.‘I mean, I wasn’t deluding myself.’
Not about the song, anyway.
‘Definitely not,’ he said.‘Let’s play it again.’
