‘You told me you’d known for a while!’I say.‘The Ball was, like, a month earlier at most.’
‘That’s a long time when you’re twenty-one!’says Tadhg.‘And then you basically disappeared off the face of the earth.You wouldn’t even return my calls!’
‘I was avoiding you because seeing you with other girls hurt too much,’ I say.‘And then that night in Rosie’s I thought you realised crossing the sex line was a huge mistake because you didn’t actually fancy me.’
‘Didn’tfancyyou?’says Tadhg, his voice incredulous.He’s looking straight at me now, his eyes blazing.‘That night when you were on that table I remember thinking,Jesus, I’m going to make Laura come, and it’s still one of the hottest moments ofmy entire fucking life.I’m just sorry I stopped before I actually did it.’
I meet his burning gaze.
‘Well,’ I say.‘You can always try again.’
He reaches out and pulls me to him.
I didn’t realise I remembered the taste of his mouth until now, because he tastes the same, and he tastes so right.I bring my hands to the sandpaper roughness of his jaw just as his arms go round my waist, drawing me to him, pressing me against him.Iwanthim, I want him so fucking much, it seems impossible he could want me as much as I want him, but it’s not impossible, it’s definitely not impossible, because his want is gloriously evident in the intensity of his kisses, in the urgency of his hands.Eventually we pull away from each other and meet each other’s eyes, our breathing heavy.But I can’t stop smiling and neither can he.
‘Do you want to go upstairs?’he says.‘We haven’t had the best luck in kitchens.’
‘Oh my God, yes,’ I say.‘Yes.’
He takes my hand and we’re almost running as he leads me out of the kitchen and up the stairs and into my room where, laughing with happiness, we tumble onto the bed.
‘Now,’ he says, ‘I’m finally going to finish what I started.’
And he does.
I should have known he’d be good with his tongue as well.
Later, we lie in my bed, his arm around me, my head on his chest.
‘That,’ says Tadhg, ‘was worth waiting for.’
‘It really, really was,’ I say.I’m so blissfully exhausted I feel dizzy.I might not be able to walk for a while.
‘You’re worth waiting for,’ says Tadhg.
I look up at him, his beautiful profile, and he turns his head to look down at me with such tenderness that I draw in a quick breath.It could feel weird, being in bed with him like this.I could feel very self-conscious.No one but Dave has seen me naked for a decade.It could feel weird seeing Tadhg like this, resting on his bare chest (pretty hairy, unsurprisingly).But somehow it doesn’t feel awkward at all.There’s a radiant clarity to all of it, a lack of mess, a lack of complication.The way he looked at me when he took my clothes off was such a pure combination of desire and love and awe, my own feelings reflected back to me in his eyes.I want him to look at me like that every day for the rest of my life.
‘You’re worth waiting for too,’ I say.
‘This is serious,’ he says.‘Isn’t it?You and me?’
‘It’s serious,’ I say.‘But it’s fun, too.’
He laughs and pulls me closer to him.‘Very, very fun.’
‘I love you, you know,’ I say.A part of me, the part of me that used to tell myself to leave early, the part of me thatcouldn’t bear to be vulnerable in front of Tadhg, can’t believe I’m saying this.But I’m not going to listen to that part of me anymore.‘I tried not to fall in love with you again, but I couldn’t help it.’
‘And for that,’ says Tadhg, rolling to his side and kissing me, ‘I am very, very grateful.I love you so much, Lol.I think I’ve loved you since the moment I met you.I’m just glad I can finally tell you.’
‘I’m glad,’ I say, ‘that I can finally show you.’
And I do.
It seems miraculous to both of us that we’re actually doing this, that wecanactually do this, that finally, after all these years, after all that yearning, all that longing, it’s finally this easy.It’s almost too good to be true.As I wrap my legs around his waist I say, ‘This is real, isn’t it?’
He laughs and kisses me, a slow, deep kiss, and says, ‘God, I hope so.’
‘Good,’ I say.‘Because I— oh!Oh.’
