He’s still wearing the navy T-shirt and old hoodie from this morning, though he’s wearing jeans instead of the pyjama bottoms.
‘I’m sorry for turning up here,’ he says.‘If you want me to go, just say.I’ll leave.’
‘No,’ I say.‘Come in.’
He follows me into the kitchen.
‘I want to apologise,’ he says.‘For making you feel like that.For making assumptions.For being a spoiled brat.For all of it.’
‘Okay,’ I say.
‘You were right, I’ve got too used to things going my way,’ he says.‘Which is shitty of me.I suppose that’s why I was surprised when you didn’t say yes straight away.And that’sreallyshitty of me.So I’m sorry, Lol.I’m really sorry.’
I believe him.But what he just said is the crux of the problem.The imbalance between us.I’m in love with him.I don’t think he’s in love with me.He is the gorgeous rock star with the studio.I’m the hired help.
‘I do want to work with you,’ I say.‘But I need more time to think about it.Because I don’t know if it’ll work.’
‘Okay,’ says Tadhg.‘Um, why not?’
‘Because you’re you!’I say.‘And I’m me!’
‘Well, yeah.’Tadhg runs a hand through his hair, pushing the waves into tufts.‘What does that mean?’
‘Tadhg,’ I say.‘You’ve won two Grammys and the Mercury Prize and you live in a Georgian townhouse.I’m living in my friend’s spare room and I write ads about pension plans.’
‘So?’says Tadhg.
‘Come on, Tadhg, don’t be obtuse,’ I say.‘You must see the difference!’
‘I’m not being obtuse!’he says.‘I just don’t see what this has to do with us actually writing songs together.’
‘I just … I don’t think working together can work if there’s this imbalance between us,’ I say.‘If we’re not proper equals.I can’t bear it if you expect me to be, I don’t know, grateful to you.’
‘Grateful tome?’says Tadhg.‘Laura, I’m incredibly grateful toyou!I always have been!’He takes a deep breath.‘You asked if I thought I was doing you a favour, and yeah, I did want to do you a favour.I wanted to give you the chance to work on music full-time, and I shouldn’t have assumed you’d want it, but as far as I’m concerned, I was just repaying all the favours you’ve done for me.Jesus, if there’s an imbalance between us it goes the other way!’
I look at him, so tall, so handsome, so successful.‘What on earth are you talking about?’
‘You’re ridiculously talented, that’s what I’m talking about,’ says Tadhg.‘You always have been.Much more talented than I am.’
‘Our careers beg to differ,’ I say.‘You’re an incredible songwriter, Tadhg.You must know you are.’
‘If I’m any good,’ says Tadhg, ‘it’s because I’ve kept working at it.And that’s because of you.I owe you so much, Lol.Somuch.You always made my songs better.You knew just what they needed.You taught me to be a better songwriter.You’restillteaching me.You’re the single biggest influence on my music, you know that?To this day I’ve never written a song without thinkingWhat would Lol add to this?I always knew I could never be as good as you, but I kept trying.Ikeeptrying.’He runs both hands through his hair, which is a total mess by now.‘And besides all that, I owe you my career!If it wasn’t for you I’d never have written ‘Winter Without You’.’
‘I had nothing to do with ‘Winter Without You’!’I say.‘You wrote it after we’d stopped speaking to each other.’
‘But it’saboutyou!’says Tadhg.
The world spins around me for a moment.Did I just hear him correctly?I can’t have.This makes no sense.
‘What?’
‘It was my apology to you,’ he says.‘For making a mess of things that night in Rosie’s flat.It was me saying how much I missed you.’I think I must appear worryingly shellshocked because he looks concerned as he says, ‘Hang on, did you never realise?’
It’s like finding out his real name is Tim all over again.But this is bigger – much, much bigger.
‘But it’s a love song,’ I say stupidly.‘Like, a romantic love song.Isn’t it?’
‘Yes!’says Tadhg.
