“Oh yeah, those dares got us in trouble.”
“Yes, they did. Hey, Lightning just walked in. I have to go.”
“Okay. I’ll talk to you later.” Cody ends the call and plates his food.
“Did he say Lightning walked in? And he’s Thunder?”
Cody chuckles. “He did. Those two were always together and because of it they now have to live with those call names. Lightning loves it and tells everyone. Thunder isn’t as amused.”
I really want to meet Thunder. He knew a different Cody and something about that has me curious. But so does something else. “So why were you up on the bar?” I ask.
He chuckles. “Because Thunder dared me.”
He tells me all about the night and how they took turns daring each other to do stupid stuff. It ended with Cody dancing on a bar in Virginia. But now all I can think about is who he went home with that night. Or any other night.
I try not to let my mind go there, but I can’t help it. He was supposed to be mine. Only mine. We lost our virginity to each other. His hand on my cheek pulls me from my thoughts.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” he asks.
It’s stupid and I should drop it, but I can’t. “It sounds like you spent a lot of time in bars,” I say.
He chuckles. “It was a way to let off some steam, you know.”
I nod, then look him in the eyes. “Was being with women a common way to ‘let off steam’?”
He squirms in his seat, then takes my hand. “Luce, I’m not going to lie and say I haven’t been with anyone. I have. But I was never serious with anyone. I couldn’t be. You are the only woman who has ever had my heart.”
Tears well in my eyes. I know I should be comforted by his words, but I’m not. “You were it for me. When I met Joseph, we got along, and it felt easy enough at first.”
I stand to get some distance, but he follows me. I cross my arms, keeping my back to him. “After Joseph, I gave up on love. I’ve had a few dates, but I kept it light.”
“Luce, I’m so sorry.”
I turn to face him. “Is that why you really left? To be with other women?”
There, I said it. I’ve always wondered. At the time, I didn’t have any other experience, so I didn’t know if what we had was typical. It was amazing to me.
His eyes become glassy as he takes my face in his hands. “Is that what you thought? No, Luce. I never wanted anyone else.” He leans his forehead against mine. “I only wanted you. Always wanted you. And when I thought that wasn’t possible anymore, I ran.”
“Why didn’t you ever come back? The only reason we’re here now is because of some accidental meeting.”
He releases me and takes a step back. “If I thought for one moment I ever deserved you, I would have been back, but Luce, for several years, I didn’t think I was worthy of you or love. Then I figured you’d probably met someone in college. Someone better suited for you. I didn’t come back because I couldn’t have handled seeing you happy with some other man.”
I close the gap between us. “And now? Now do you feel worthy?”
His brow furrows as he continues to stare at the ground. “I don’t know if I’m worthy, but I want to be.” He looks up, and his eyes meet mine. I’m struck by the pain he’s emanating. “I so fucking want to be. Leaving you was a mistake, but I think I had to go off to the Navy in order to find myself. Now I’m just hoping I’m not too late, and you will really give us a chance.”
I swallow, trying to quell the wave of emotion threatening to burst out in sobs. “I want to,” I whisper. “But I have a really hard time trusting.”
His callused thumb goes to my cheek to wipe away a tear. “I get that. I do. Just promise me you won’t give up on me. All right?”
I nod, my throat too thick to speak.
His corded arms wrap around me as he pulls me close. It feels so right. I wish I could block out all the pain and go back to what we had. But we aren’t the same people. Thirteen years is a long time. So much has changed for me and, based on the stories I’ve heard so far, a lot has happened to him.
But I can’t worry about that. I need to focus on the here and now. That is all we have. We aren’t promised any more.
The phrase ‘carpe diem’ enters my mind. Not only do I want to seize the day, but I also want to seize this man. Never have I wanted a man more than I want Cody now.
