“What?” he asked.
“What do you meanwhat?I think you’ve got something to say to me.”
“Oh yeah, I’m sorry too.”
He didn’t actually mean that. Not really. But it was enough for us to put the topic to bed—no pun intended—and move on.
“There is something I think we ought to talk about, though,” I said.
“What’s that?”
“Let’s say you do get drafted. We’re gonna be apart. There’s really no way out of that. How are we going to keep our relationship together?”
“This again?”
“What do you meanthis again?”
“I know it’s come up before, but it’s still on my mind. And it bugs me. I probably won’t be able to let it go until we’ve talked about it.”
“You know how I feel about jumping to conclusions,” Kayden said.
“Yeah, you’ve mentioned that.”
He paused, like I would take that as my cue to shut up. You’d think he would know me better by now.
“And I think we should worry about certain problems only when we get to them,” he said. “Worrying about them right now is useless and will only be a distraction.”
“Look, I’m not saying that we need an ironclad plan right this minute.”
“Then what do you want?”
“How about a rough outline?”
My boyfriend paused, seeming to consider it, but wouldn’t look in my direction. He remained turned slightly away from me, staring at the wall, like that would allow him to weasel out of any commitment I tried to back him into.
“Okay, maybe a rough outline,” he said. “Maybe. And I reserve the right to make changes if I need to.”
“That’s why they call it a rough outline, Kayden.”
I rolled out of bed and slid my underwear on despite knowing they would come off again soon enough when I took a shower. I sat on the edge of the bed, realizing that my boyfriend was practically pacing.
“If I get drafted, we stay together,” he said. “Simple enough, don’t you think? I’m happy with where we’re at. I’m not looking for anything else.”
“You’re saying nothing’s gonna happen to us?”
“Yeah, that’s what I’m saying.”
“What about temptation? You’ve got to admit, there’s gonna be a shit ton of that in pro hockey, even in the minors. Think you can handle it?”
“Of course I can. I don’t want any other guys. I just want you. Maybe you don’t believe that, but I’m totally serious.”
“But I’m not talking about guys. Notjustguys, anyway. What about the women?”
“What about them?”
I said nothing more. He could fill in the blanks, couldn’t he? I hadn’t experienced attraction to either sex since I’d been with Kayden. You know, nothing more than finding someone attractive, but no urges to jump their bones or be with them in any way, shape, or form. That says a lot since I’m a college student. The place was swarming with hot men and women. Technically, it was possible to resist an insane amount of temptation. But did that necessarily apply to Kayden?
Fuck no.
