Closing my eyes, I swallow thickly as my brain spirals, replaying everything she just told me as clips from the day flicker through my mind. I want to protect this woman from anything life throws at her, including her own grief. I want to only see her smile, and hear her laugh, because that’s what she deserves in life—happiness.
Not this.
No one deserves this.
Only time will help heal her, though, and logically, I know there’s nothing I can do to interfere with that process.
One thing’s for certain, though, now that she has me, she’ll never have to spend another holiday alone.
Chapter Seventeen
Iwake up with a heaviness in my chest—a feeling like I can’t breathe. Something startled me from my deep sleep, and as my eyes fly open, I quickly figure out the source of the panic.
Potato’s vibrant blue eyes stare down at me with contempt, as he sits on top of me with a paw in the air, caught mid-assault.
Now I see what woke me.
“Must you always swat at me?” I grumble and pick him up off my chest using both hands, tossing him as gently as I can onto the bed next to me. With his size, he plops and gives me a disgruntled meow. Settling himself into a lying position, he stares at me expectantly.
Beside me, Miller stirs. His arms wrap around my body, and he ends up smacking Potato with the back of his hand. Angry, Potato jumps from the bed and runs to hide.
“I’m really striking out over here with him, aren’t I?” Miller grumbles, pulling me closer.
“It could be worse, but yeah, it seems like every step you take forward you then knock yourself three steps back.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll figure out how to get in his good graces.”
“New goal?”
Nuzzling my neck, Miller starts to kiss his way up and pulls my earlobe into his mouth teasingly. “New life ambition. If you two are a package deal, I need to learn how to make him love me.”
“Wow, already going for the L word, huh?” I feel my body start to ignite, but I can’t let things progress despite really wanting to. According to my clock, I’ve overslept, which is very out of the norm for me and now I only have one hour before I’m due to leave. “Ugh. The last thing I wanna do is go to work today. Can’t we just stay in bed?”
“As much as I want to say yes, I also need to be getting back to Julian. There’s a lot to do at the tree farm today, and I didn’t ask anyone to tend to my animals.”
“They’ve been out all night?” A chill runs through me.Those poor babies. It’s so cold up there, and no one was there to care for them, since I selfishly kept their owner all to myself.
“No, they weren’t. It snowed so much overnight on Christmas Eve that I kept them in their houses yesterday. But that just means I’m going to have extra clean up to do today.” He wrinkles his nose. “And the chickens are probably mad at me.”
“Do they like to roam in the snow?”That seems really cold for their feet.
Miller brushes some of the hair away from my face, tucking it behind my ear. “No, they like attention. If I don’t go out and talk to the girls at least twice a day, there’s hell to pay.”
My heart melts a little.He’s a good chicken dad. “That’s so cute. I can’t wait to meet them.”
“Well, what are you doing for New Year’s Eve? Can you come up?” His eyes light up as he asks the question.
“I could probably arrange that. You don’t have any fun plans already?”
“The only thing I have planned is dinner with my aunt and uncle. After that, I was planning to go home to find a video from last year’s ball drop to watch, then turn in early.”
I hesitate, looking across my bedroom at nothing in particular. The thought of seeing Miller’s family again, after wholeheartedly leaning into the role of Holly North, Lincoln’s girlfriend, is unnerving.
“How am I supposed to face Tina and Tim after lying to them? Do they still think I’m with Lincoln? Do they know you left on Christmas and came after me? What am I supposed to say to them—how do I explain myself?” The avalanche of words spill from my lips as my brain rapid-fires questions at me. My heart hammers in my chest, and I feel like I need to pace the room. I try to pull out of Miller’s arms, but he keeps me firmly in his hold.
I feel like this is a conversation I need to have with Lincoln, but Lincoln isn’t in this room. Miller is.
So I start with him.
