“Are you okay?” I tread lightly.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”
“You’ve just seemed a little distant since that last movie.”
“Oh. It was just a little heavy.”
“You can talk to me, you know. My aunt says I’m a pretty good listener.”
“I trust Tina’s opinion. It’s just… I don’t want to tell you, and have it change how you see me. Sometimes the grief hits me out of nowhere, and when it does, I see the way people look at me.”
“With concern?”
“With pity.”
“Zee—”
“Come on.” She grabs my wrist. “This conversation requires the couch.”
“I have a better idea.” I lace my fingers through hers and pull her toward her bedroom, turning off light switches as we pass.
Leaving the light off, I carefully walk us to her bed and toss back her duvet. Stripping down to my boxers, I crawl under her covers, holding the blanket for her to follow.
She does and lies with her back to my chest. I curl my arms around her, pulling her close.
“It happened over the summer.” She lets out a shuddering breath. “My parents, brother, and I went out to dinner on a Saturday night. It was a little later than we normally go to eat, but I had to work, so they waited until I got off. My brother picked up my parents on the way, and I met them there. We went to a small Italian restaurant, my parents' favorite place. Everything went perfect, our food came out quick, everything tasted delicious. There was laughter and happiness as we caught up with each other after having not seen each other for almost two weeks. That was unusual for my family—we typically saw each other at least once a week. It’s always just been the four of us, and we were also close…”
Her voice cracks, and I pull her tighter to my body, kissing the back of her head.
“I told my parents I wanted to treat them since we were celebrating their anniversary, but my dad pulled that trick where he said he was going to the bathroom, and secretly paid the bill instead. When we were done, we said our goodbyes. My momtold me she would call me in the morning, and we left. I got on the road first… I’ll never forget that I got on the road first. I should’ve waited until they left.Theyshould’ve gone first. There were three of them, and one of me…”
She starts to shake in my arms, sobs racking through her body. Lacing our fingers together, I try to console her as best as I can. “Shh, Snow Angel, it’s okay. You don’t have to keep going. I’m here. I’ve got you.”
“As they were turning onto the freeway entrance, a car coming the opposite direction didn’t stop at the light. He didn’t even slow down. He just kept going, and T-boned them. Their car spun out of control, Miller. It crashed into the guardrail, and they died on impact. My entire family—my world—gone.”
Bile rises in my throat as Zee cries in my arms, the mental image of the accident playing over and over in my head. Anger starts to course through me, too.Was the driver drunk? How had he not seen the red light? The car?
“It should have been me,” she cries, clutching onto my hand tightly as she buries her head into the pillow. “They should have left first.”
“You can’t think like that, Elizabeth,” I bite, trying not to let my anger penetrate into my voice. But I’m so mad—this type of accident is preventable.Just fucking pay attention to the road. “I know it hurts, baby, but there isn’t anythingyoucould have done to stop it.”
She nods her head and twists in my arms, flipping over to face me. Pressing her face against my chest, her tears soak my skin and I let her cry. I don’t tell her it’s okay, or try to change how she’s feeling. Instead, I hold her tight and hope that it brings her some comfort.
Eventually, when she’s calmed down, I press a soft kiss against her forehead. “Thank you for trusting me enough to share that.”
“Please keep it between us. I don't like to talk about it.” Her voice is quiet—drained. I wish this wasn’t how we were ending our Christmas. My heart feels heavy…I can’t imagine how hers feels.
“Of course, Snow Angel.”
Snuggling tighter against me, she kisses my chest, and having her close starts to melt some of my negative thoughts away. “Merry Christmas, Miller. Thank you for making today less lonely.”
A lump forms in my throat, and I nod, feeling the foreign sting of tears prickle my eyes. I think about the day, and her. How I met her just last night, as she came crashing into my life, taking some firs with her on the way.
What a whirlwind today has been. Unbelievable, in all the best ways.
Soft breaths of air puff against my skin, and I know Elizabeth is on the verge of falling asleep. Sleep threatens to take me too, but there’s still so much heaviness in my heart as I hold her close, wishing I could take the pain she’s feeling away from her and harbor it inside my body.
She shouldn’t have to carry it all herself.
