“I don’t see why that should matter, Haley. He’s just an employer. He will find a new writer to fill your spot within thirty days of your leaving. You can’t judge your future based on how people in your past will feel.” His words would have been comforting if not for my relationship with Parker.
“It’s complicated, though.”
“How is it complicated…?” His words lingered as if he were thinking about things for a moment. I felt him tense. “Oh, Haley.” The disappointment was palpable. He was putting the pieces together, and I felt shame clawing at my skin. Dad remained silent for a moment, and I sat up and faced him.
“You don’t have to worry about it, okay? It’s over.” The tears that had been gnawing at me finally let loose, and I couldn’t stop them. “He is so angry, he’ll just never treat me the sameway. I have to take that job if they offer it. I can’t stay here. My coworkers hate me, and Parker hasn’t spoken to me civilly in more than a week.”
Dad grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “Honey, I’m here. I’m not going to say a word, okay? I just want you to know whatever you decide to do, I support you and I love you.”
I sat and cried for a few more minutes. I didn’t want to talk anymore. I felt my phone in my pocket vibrating but I ignored it. It was either Rachel, who finally sobered up and felt bad for nearly passing out on the way back to her place, or it was Parker. I didn’t want to talk to either of them. My night had been bad enough.
“If it’s okay, I just want to go to bed.”
“Yeah, honey. It’s okay. I’ll have breakfast at eight, if you want to join me.” Dad stood and kissed my forehead, then he shuffled off to his room, calling, “Goodnight,” over his shoulder.
I sat for a few minutes and almost reached for my phone to call Parker again but chose not to. He would only push me away again. He hadn’t even answered when I called earlier, and when I pulled my phone out and saw the missed call was from him, I was hurt that it had taken him more than an hour at this time of night on a Friday. It made me wonder if he was with someone else.
Instead of sitting there letting my thoughts consume me, I went to my old room and turned the bed down, but before climbing into bed, I called Dr. James. It was late and I thought I’d be leaving a message, so when she answered, I almost broke down again.
“Haley? Lord, girl, what time is it? What’s wrong?” Her voice didn’t sound at all drowsy, though based on her response, I felt like I had woken her up.
“I’m sorry. I thought you’d have your phone on silent. I was going to leave you a message to call me.” I gingerly sat on the edge of the bed and braced myself for her response.
“Nonsense. It’s Friday. I am up grading papers. Now tell me what has you upset. I can hear it in your voice.”
“Well, I think Danvers learned about the job opportunity. He’s been pretty upset with me, but he hasn’t outright said anything. I know Global calledThe Vine. They talked with my direct supervisor. He gave them a positive reference for me, and I had an interview too. I just haven’t heard whether they will offer me the job.” I chewed on a fingernail, not sure what else to say. I couldn’t talk to her about how I slept with my boss or the drama in the office. She didn’t need to know all of that to help coach me in my career.
“It sounds like all you have to do is wait. Why are you so upset?” I heard papers rustling in the background on her end of the line and knew I was likely just interrupting her time. I didn’t know why I’d even called her. I realized that I was more upset about Parker than I was about the car or the job.
“I don’t know. I guess I’m just wrestling with whether it’s a right fit for me. I mean, I’d have to uproot my whole life and start over in a huge city where I know no one. How do I do that? And is a career worth all of that?” This was killing me—the fake consolation for concerns I’d already put to bed. I was so desperate to hear how I wasn’t a failure, I’d reached out to the only person who could tell me the truth. That I needed this job and I needed to let go of my present to make way for my future.
“Well, I think you should just take a few days away from work to make sure it’s what you want. This is a long weekend. Just take a few paid days off this week and put some space between you and the job. It will give you time to think things through.”
“Yeah, sure. Thanks, Dr. James.” I yawned, a wave of fatigue creeping up on me.
“Now get some sleep. You sound tired.” Her mothering was welcomed. I wished now more than ever that my mother were still here. She would know exactly what to say to comfort me.
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Haley.”
The line went dead, and I stared at my phone as the screen flashed from the call to the phone app. I saw the list of recently missed calls, Parker’s name at the very top. Why did things have to fall apart like they had? I had only hidden the job from him because I didn’t even know if I’d take the position. There was no point in worrying him when I wasn’t even certain I wanted it.
Now, I felt like he’d made the decision for me. My gut told me he knew and that because of the fear of losing me to Global, he acted out. I could forgive him for all of it if he just talked to me. I didn’t want to lose him. Not right when I’d decided that he was the thing I wanted more than anything else. He was what I dreamed of, not some job all the way across the country. Yes, I still wanted that Pulitzer, but it didn’t matter which paper I wrote for. I could still get the prize for my hard work and talent.
I pulled up his contact info and looked at the image automatically populated by my phone when I created the contact in my phone. Parker stood with a golf club rested over his shoulders, smiling. It was a recent photo too, one that he’d updated in his profile and his phone automatically shared with me. I felt like crying again, only this time, I locked my phone and laid it on the nightstand. I didn’t even bother shedding my clothes. I was grieving the loss of a relationship that had only just started, and it was tearing my heart out.
28
PARKER
When Gordon pulled up outside Adam’s house, I couldn’t help but wonder why Haley hadn’t responded to a single message I left on her phone. Especially given the fact that someone had vandalized her car and she had been upset and reached out to me. I tried calling at least seven times this weekend, and every single time, it went straight to voicemail. I sat in the car staring at the two-story troubadour, knowing Adam was expecting to meet her.
Adam and his wife Becky had planned this cookout for Memorial Day and the official start of summer. It was an annual tradition, and I never missed it. This time, however, I was feeling down and I would rather have stayed home.
“Sir?” Gordon asked as he stood in the open door. I looked up at him, only half aware that he was there. My thoughts were on Haley and why she wasn’t returning my calls.
“Sorry.” I turned and climbed out of the back seat. It always felt awkward stepping out of my limo wearing shorts and a polo, as if only men wearing suits needed limos.
