“It’s weird knocking on my own door,” he mumbles as he raises his hand to knock.
The house was built sometime in the mid-eighties. It is a nice house by Harriston standards, but that just means the roof and foundation don’t leak. It does not mean that the house has superior soundproofing.
“They’re here,” hushed voices say on the other side of the door.
I roll my eyes and bite my tongue to keep from saying something snarky, like, “yeah, that was what the knocking meant.”
I try to remind myself that Claudia isn’t Audrey. She’s done nothing to me, and her being with Liam isn’t some kind of commentary on her. It’s hard because now that the blinders have been removed, all I see are his faults. I don’t understand how a sane woman meets a man at a party to celebrate his six months of sobriety and thinks he’s a catch.
It isn’t like I have anything against someone struggling, and I’m very happy that he’s following a program and getting help. I guess it’s that I’ve been down this road so many times with him. Every time he promised me he would stop drinking or stop taking the pills, he would turn around and break that promise.
To me, Liam Hale walks around with a flashing neon warning sign over his head. I can’t understand how someone with full knowledge of his addictions would walk headfirst into the whirlwind of chaos that is life with him. By now, she knows that he has a daughter with a woman who wasn’t his ex-wife. Wrap all of that together, and she’s been fully warned he’s a cheater, liar, and an addict.
I won’t lie and say that there’s no appeal to him. The Hale men are good-looking sons of bitches. When we first got together, I thought Liam was the best-looking man in the world. He was still playing football and had a body molded by all the hours spent practicing. He isn’t quite as jacked now, but he hasn’t gotten soft and pudgy either. Like his father, he’s got a strong jaw, long eyelashes that frame dark, soulful brown eyes, and wide, full lips.
He’s got an easy charm and wins most people over effortlessly. How else does a man manage to cheat on his wife in a small town and convince everyone to keep his secret? It’s like he casts a magic spell over the people he meets, and you want to do anything to be in his orbit.
Griffin is very different in a lot of ways. In towns like Harriston, life is something that happens to you. A lot of life happened to Griffin in the years since he became a father for the first time. His carefree youth ended abruptly before he even graduated from high school. That first summer after graduation was spent changing dirty diapers, not jumping off the rope swing at the pond. If he was ever as charming as Liam, that trait evaporated over the years of single fatherhood.
He’s got a bit of gray peppered through his thick brown hair, and there are some small lines around his eyes, but those things don’t take away from his attractiveness. If anything, they enhance it. Compared to Liam, Griffin’s features are sharper, he’s a bit taller than his son, and definitely more muscular. The thing that keeps people at arm’s length is his grouchy demeanor and facial expressions that screamfuck offwithout him having to open his mouth. On the rare occasions he does open his mouth to speak, when the silent loathing doesn’t work, he usually just growls fuck off, which makes most people avoid him.
I suppose I can see how someone like Claudia might fall for Liam. She has an innocent vibe about her that no one inHarriston has, not even people like me who grew up in good homes. Perhaps I’m being unfair, but I wonder if she lives under the belief that love heals and all that shit. I’m in love for the first time in my life, really in love, not just the illusion of it, and while it does soften the jagged edges, the wounds are still there. Addiction is a battle that you can’t fight for someone else, and love alone won’t make them fight it for you. At least, Liam never loved me enough to try.
The door creaks open, and standing on the other side, doing an impression of a modern Rockwell painting, are Liam, Claudia, and Natalie.
Griffin and I exchange a look. We silently communicate that the three of them look awfully familial, considering they haven’t been dating more than a few months.
I won’t be the one to verbalize these thoughts, though. It’s not my place to talk about the choices that Liam makes, even if they seem rash and foolish. Jumping in like this, so soon after getting sober, is risking everything he’s fought so hard for.
Liam gives me a tight smile, and I nod in understanding. Neither of us wants this, but like it or not, we’ll suffer through it for the same reason. We both love Griffin.
Ready or not, it’s show time, and it better be a convincing one if this can ever stand a chance of working.
Claudia flitsaround in the kitchen where Griffin once tried to teach me to cook. Tried being the key word. I’ve learned a few things, but he still does most of the cooking. That’s probably because he prefers food that tastes good.
“Please, make yourself comfortable,” she says as she puts the finishing touches on a fancy charcuterie tray.
Her hands shake as she lifts the tray and carries it to the table. Seeing how nervous she is manages to cut down my irritation from playing guest in what was, up until recently, my home.
Even hyper-focused on Parker, Griffin notices the awkwardness of this situation. Cradling her in one arm like a football, he uses his free hand to take mine. He winks at me, then leans to whisper in my ear.
“The last time we were comfortable in this kitchen was when I had you bent over that counter. Might have been when we cooked up this little bean.” He gently bounces Parker to emphasize his statement, as if I weren’t aware of what activities led to her surprise existence.
As usual, the words he whispers are enough to make my face flame bright. You’d think after a year of him saying all manner of filthy things to me, I’d have a better poker face, but that is a skill I’ve yet to develop.
Liam chooses this moment to rejoin our quartet. He grabs a stack of plates off the counter, then stops to look at my burning face. His gaze bounces back and forth between Griffin and me before he turns away, trying to hide the look of disgust on his face.
Griffin doesn’t miss it either, which is evident when I feel him squeeze my hand a bit tighter. That’s when I realize this isn’t easy for him either; he’s just much better at hiding his feelings. A fact I should have known, considering how long he hid his feelings for me when I was married to his son.
Natalie is sitting in her high chair when we come into the dining room. She’s happily drumming on the tray with her little plastic spoon. She seems like a happy baby. Totally different from the way she was when Griff had to take her to the hospital. It’s not as hard for me to see her now.
I look at Parker cradled in my husband’s arms, and a bit of peace settles over me. I wouldn’t change the present, but it doesn’t make the past hurt any less. I’m just choosing to let it go, as much as I have the power to, at least. You can’t always wrangle your emotions with logic.
That doesn’t stop me from trying while I watch Liam and Claudia move about setting the table in synchrony. This isn’t a show they’re putting on for us; this is how they are. Maybe she’s not the one not seeing him for who he is. Possibly, he was just incapable of being this man with me.
That thought cuts more than it should. I’m happy. Genuinely, disgustingly, happy. And yet there’s this tiny voice in my head screaming that it might not last, because what if, once again, I’m not enough?
I fake a smile, which might fool Liam, but Griffin picks up on it immediately. He cocks his head to the side and gives me a questioning look. Try as I might to hide certain things, that man has torn down every wall I have until I’m as clear as glass. I’m not sure I like that he can always read me. Especially right now. I don’t want him trying to decipher what I’m feeling before I get a chance to sort it out.
