But the look in his eyes is still remote, like he’s guarded.
That’s when I realize how selfish I’ve been. This whole time, I’ve been worried about myself without a thought to how Billy would take this.
If I have to look at the silver lining, it’s getting to date this incredible man. I’m not sure we’d be together if he hadn’t jumped in to defend me to my dad back in January. He’s been amazing.
And me? Well, I haven’t been on my best behavior. That’s obvious. But maybe I can make it up to him. Now that I’m out of the hospital, now that I’ve had Marley, Billy and I will have more time together.
We’ll be able to work through this.
42
ROXY
I will not cry,damn it.
Leaning over, I kiss Marley. Ugh, I hate leaving her.
“Can we go over the plan again?” I’m so anxious about my first day of school, which started two weeks ago. I’ve been doing class virtually, and while I could’ve gotten more time off, it’ll be hard enough to catch up as it is. I’m worried that all of the good assignments in broadcast journalism will be doled out, and I’ll get stuck doing something dull.
My mom gives me a patient smile as she cradles my daughter. “I’ve got her until noon, and then Billy will pick her up and bring her to you for lunch.”
I’m supposed to be free after twelve, but I need to stop by the financial aid office and sign some paperwork. I can take Marley with me for that.
I nod, kiss the baby again. “Mom, do you think there’s enough breast milk? I wanted to pump some more last night but fell asleep.”
“It’s just one morning,mija. There’s plenty in the refrigerator.”
My mom gives me a fierce hug before I step out of the apartment. When I close the door, I wait to see if Marley cries, but she doesn’t.
“You can do this,” I tell myself. “You can step away from her for a few hours. It’s not the end of the world.”
Tell that to my heart. It feels like it’s cracking into a million pieces.
As I drive to campus, I blast the radio and try to focus on the music to get out of my head. It also helps me ignore the burning sensation in my vagina, which still feels like someone used it as a punching bag.
My doctor wanted me to take more than two weeks before returning to school, but the thought of losing that much time sent me into a tailspin. I want to make the most of my senior year, so I assured her I could do it. But right now, when I feel something suspicious leaking between my legs, I wonder if this was the right thing to do.
After I waddle to the bathroom, where I’m relieved to find I’m not bleeding out, I clean up and get to my first class. Pre-pregnancy Roxy did not appreciate how awesome her body was. Right now I’d kill to have boobs that don’t leak or private parts that don’t feel like shredded roast beef.
Broadcast is the one course I’ve been dying to take since I got here. The local affiliates broadcast LSSU-TV’s student coverage from time to time, particularly if it deals with sports.Bronco Nationcovers all the major Lone Star State teams, so I’m hoping I can cover cheer and football.
It’s a small class of about twenty other students, and we all sit around a large conference table.
Professor Fowler hands me a syllabus and a packet of papers before he heads to the front of the class. “Roxy, since you’re just now joining us, you’ll need to pick a beat to cover. We still have the annual Nut Festival and the work that goes intopreparing for it. The weekly city council meetings. And the new beautification plans for the downtown area, which includes those new artsy bronco installations.”
My heart sinks when he doesn’t mention anything sporty. “Sir, are there any teams that need coverage? Football, basketball, or volleyball?”
“They’ve already been assigned.”
“What about cheerleading?”
Everyone laughs, and my stomach tightens into a ball.
Professor Fowler chuckles with the class. “I’m not sure there’s much demand to cover cheerleading. It’s not really much of a sport.”
My hackles rise.Do not argue with the professor on the first day, Roxanne.
I chew on the inside of my cheek to keep my temper in check. “With all due respect, sir, Division 1 cheerleaders are elite athletes. Have you ever watched them during halftime? They’re not just doing dance routines. They’re doing advanced tumbling skills and stunts. In fact, the squad just won a national championship last spring.”
