“For the last time, I didn’t invite Sam. And it wasn’tjustVicky tonight. There were other people.”
“Did she sit next to you?”
That question makes me bristle. “So now I can’t sit next to another woman I used to date?”
“You just told me you didn’t date, you only had sex.”
“Jesus, Roxy. Yes, she sat next to me, but Jinxy was on my other side. Are you worried about him too? Think we pulled a gangbang behind the dumpsters afterward?”
“Gangbangs are your specialty.”
What the fuck? I’m done.
I stalk over to the front door, grab my backpack and gym bag, and pull my keys out of my pocket. “This is bullshit, and you know it. I’ll talk to you when you’re done accusing me of crap that’s never even crossed my mind.”
I slam the door behind me, questioning my sanity.
Turns out I still have no clue what a healthy relationship looks like.
52
ROXY
The slamming doormakes me flinch.
A second later, a furious cry comes from the bedroom. Damn him. Billy woke her up.
I run to the crib and pick up Marley. “I’m sorry.” I cradle her in my arms and cry with her.
After a few minutes, I sit in the rocker and try to breastfeed her, but she doesn’t want the nipple.
Angrily, I wipe my face with the sleeve of my sweater. “Maybe I shouldn’t have said some of those things like that, but I was so upset,” I tell my daughter, whose plaintive wails break my heart.
I was going crazy tonight waiting for Billy to come home. All evening I stewed on the bombshells his father had dropped on me. And I finally had an idea. Billy had left me his mother’s cell phone number in case I had an emergency while he was gone. So I called her and introduced myself. I asked her if Billy had accidentally left his jacket there Saturday night. I told her I was worried because he would need it for his next game, which is totally true.
I’ll admit I feel guilty for misleading her with the way I phrased everything, but I didn’t know what else to do. He hadn’tcalled me back or responded to any of my texts. I felt like I was out of options.
Then I said, “Oh, wait. Did he come back Saturday night? I’m so sleep-deprived, I can’t remember.”
She said, “He didn’t stay with us Saturday night, dear. He left after playing putt-putt.”
Hearing those words was worse than what Billy’s father told me. Because his mom wasn’t trying to hurt me.
So where did Billy sleep that night?
I’m not sure, but it wasn’t with me.
I didn’t mean to ask him about why he never reaches for me anymore. I guess I thought this was my last chance to get everything on the table. Because that had been bothering me long before his father waltzed through my door.
But as I think back about the sad way I cried to Billy, like I was begging him to touch me, I feel pathetic.
I’m starting to think having him in the delivery room and watching me push out a kid changed how he views me.
I rock Marley and rock her some more. She won’t stop crying, and I feel like I might throw up.
I guess none of it matters. It’s obvious this is over, probably when he threw our contract in the trash.
Billy doesn’t love me anymore. Maybe he never did.
