“I know. I love you too.”
“Bye.”
The phone goes dead.
I don’t feel better.
Three little whitesticks all in a neat line. I don’t know why they have that same curvy design. Like whoever made them was going for pretty and feminine. When really, it’s just piss-covered plastic.
Three little sticks. They’re really nothing. I could stomp on them and crush them into little bits.
Three little sticks. They all stare back at me, screaming the same thing.
“You haven’t said anything for like two straight minutes,” Elisa says, pacing back and forth behind me. “I’m trying to give you space to process, but you know me. I can’t shut up when stuff like this happens.”
“I know,” I mutter.
“It’s like my inner thinking voice is totally gone and I’m just like, blah blah blah, you know? Spilling it all out. God, Fio, I didn’t even know you two were, you know, like, having sex. But that’s fine! He’s your husband and it’s your business. He’s also really,reallyhot. I don’t blame you one bit. I’d probably bang him too?—”
“Elisa.” I look back at her. “Please.”
“Right.” She clamps both hands over her mouth.
I turn back to the counter.
Three little sticks. Each like a chain slithering around my wrists and my ankles. Each like a man ready to throw me into a hole. Each like the closing door of a panic room. Each like thirst clawing at my dry throat, like days spent jammed into a closet with my sister reeking like urine and sweat, each like my car getting crushed to scrap metal.
“Oh my god, I can’t believe you’re pregnant,” Elisa blurts out finally.
Only thirty seconds this time.
I sweep the positive tests into a plastic bag and shove them into a drawer. I slam the bathroom door shut, lock it, and grab my sister by the shoulders. She stares into my face, looking afraid.
“You can’t tellanyone,” I say seriously.
She nods, blinking. “Right. Okay.”
“I mean it, Elisa. If Luca finds out, he won’t let me go. He’ll hunt me down forever. This is his baby, and he’s not the kind of man that’ll let his child disappear. You can’t tellanyone.”
Her eyes go wide. “Fio, seriously?”
“Please, just?—”
She wriggles out of my grip and backs away. “You can’t still be thinking about running away.”
I spread my hands. Panic makes them tremble. “We’ll raise the baby together. It’ll be hard at first, but?—”
“Fio, come on, think. You want to deprive your own child of their family? They’ll never meet Raf or any of the cousins.”
“The cousins are all murderous fucking assholes. Raf’s only slightly better.”
“What about Luca? What about that baby’s father?”
An ugly sob rips from my chest. I collapse down onto the edge of the tub and wrap my arms around myself, trying to hold my guts inside. I don’t remember the last time I cried so much, but ever since Luca came into my life, it’s like I’m making up for lost time.
“You don’t understand,” I say, barely able to speak. She sinks down next to me and rubs my back. “I can’t stay trapped here forever. You know what it was like. You werethere. I just can’t.”
“You’re not trapped,” she says softly, hugging me tight against her. “We’re not in that room anymore, Fio. We haven’t been for a really long time.”
