“You should relax.” He motioned for her to turn her back to him. “It’s all over now.”
She turned, and he began kneading her shoulders. His strong, warm hands sent little electric zings through her, which she tried to ignore. The pressure he applied to her muscles felt so good, she didn’t want him to stop. “Mmm. Nice.”
He kept going, working his way across her shoulders, up her neck and down her back. “You looked amazing today.” His breath tickled her ear, and she realized how close he was to her.
She froze. “Um, thanks.”
“Now, come on. I didn’t mean it like that.” He sounded annoyed at her for getting the wrong impression. “You’re all tense again.”
“Sorry. I thought maybe you were trying to—”
“I know what you thought.” He chuckled and continued to massage her shoulders. “Not that I wouldn’t like to seduce you. But I know your rules, and I intend to keep them.”
She should have been happy about that statement, but for some reason she felt a little disappointed. Mentally shaking her head, she sighed. No, she did not need to be wishing for a physical relationship with Adam. That was trouble wrapped in pain. What she needed to do was hold on and wait for this to all end. “Good. Because you guys are all alike. All the physical fun with no emotional attachment.”
He stopped mid-knead. “Is that what you think of me?” He turned her around, and when she wouldn’t meet his gaze he hooked her chin with his finger, forcing her to look in his cool, blue eyes. “You have it all wrong.”
She blinked. What did he mean? As if he read her mind, he continued. “You think I don’t have an emotional attachment to you? You’ve got to be kidding. I’ve shared things with you I’ve never told anyone. These past few months have been…” His voice trailed off, and she found herself holding her breath, waiting for the rest of it.
His jaw clenched, and he swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Those things I said…I meant them.” His voice was so quiet she almost didn’t hear that last part.
What things? What was he talking about? She tried to ask, but the words stuck in her throat.
“When I told Doctor Lemon I loved you, I wasn’t pretending.”
Holy cow. Did he just say that? Her mouth went dry, and she stared at him. Was he for real? This had to be a joke, right? A lame attempt at spending his wedding night doing something other than sleeping on the couch. She whacked him on the arm for the second time that night. “Shut up. You dork. You almost had me.” She laughed, but he didn’t return her smile.
“I’m not kidding.”
Really? He confessed his love to her for real, and she told him she thought he was joking? Called him a dork? What kind of an idiot was she? “Uh…” Oh, now she was really showing her brilliance. Why couldn’t she think of anything intelligent to say? What does a person say after showing how amazingly craptastic they are?
He lowered his head and stared at the carpet. “I’m sorry. I should have told you. I guess I hoped you’d figure it out as we went along.”
Silence stretched out between them. What was she supposed to say? That she had feelings for him too? That she hated the thought of splitting up and never seeing him again? If she told him how she was feeling, he would think she wanted to stay married.
But that’s not what she wanted at all. Her career was finally taking off. She had things she wanted to do. Being married wasn’t in her plan.
Adam lifted his gaze. “Do you not feel anything when we kiss?”
That’s one she could answer honestly. “Of course. But that’s just hormones.”
“What about all the time we’ve spent together? Have you not felt anything for me?”
He might as well have shot her in the chest. A gaping hole opened up where her heart used to be. How was she supposed to answer him? She cleared her throat, hoping for a few more seconds to collect her thoughts. “Adam…” She put her hand on his knee. Big mistake. Tingles spread up her arm, and she removed it like he had stung her. “I like you. I just don’t…”
She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t finish. It wasn’t only the fact that she would hurt him by saying it. It wasn’t true. She did love him.
“Stop.” He stood and crossed the room, facing the window. “You don’t have to say it. I get it.”
“No, Adam, I—”
“Don’t. Okay?” He ran his hand through his hair. “Just leave.”
She blinked back the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. How had this evening gotten so messed up? She fled to the bedroom and shut the door, her hands shaking.
A part of her wanted to go back out there. To pull Adam into her arms and tell him the truth. Another part of her couldn’t handle it, because she hadn’t allowed herself to fully accept the truth herself. She didn’t know what to do, so she crawled into bed and cried herself to sleep.
Adam stared out the window. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Why had he done that? Things were going so well. Megan was beginning to relax. She was starting to come around, he could tell. Why had he blurted out how he felt about her?
