I don’t want to tell him that I don’t believe in a family because mine fell apart. I don’t want to tell him that I don’t believe in forever because I know that everything ends soon, especially love. And I can’t tell him that since I’ve known him, I’ve begun to think that if there’s one exception in the world, I’d like it to be his.
“Something like that.”
“I’m sure there is something out there for you, too. You just have to trust your fate.”
Out there, he says. How do I explain it to him, now that I am beginning to fear that the something Seth is talking about is much closer than I think?
“Too much talk for tonight, don’t you think? We’d better get some rest. Or tomorrow you’ll be sleeping on that ab bench.”
I laugh. “Good night, Seth.”
He leans towards me. “Good night, Mr Kennedy.” His lips brush against my cheek. It is only a light touch, yet the warmth he radiates is so intense and reassuring that it lingers with me for the rest of the night.
Rowan
I return to Seth’s house after a hell of a day at the office, spent almost entirely alone. Paul had been in court all day. He rang me at lunchtime to tell me not to make any plans for tonight because I’d be at his mercy, but then he never turned up, which, to be honest, I don’t mind.
I hate celebrating my birthday. It’s something I try to avoid every year. But my friend Paul won’t leave me alone. It seems to mean more to him than it does to me. So I let him. Usually it’s a night out, in a nightclub, or at most a short getaway just the two of us, but this year he was more cryptic than usual, which worried me a lot.
I close the door behind me, walk past the entrance and into the unusually dark and quiet living room. As I am about to turn on the light, someone else does it for me.
“Surprise!” They shout in unison, almost giving me a heart attack.
“What the hell…”
“Happy birthday!” Seth says loudly, coming towards me with a flower necklace in his hands. He puts it around my neck, then plants a kiss on my cheek. “I guess hats and blowers aren’t your style, so I chose a flower necklace, which, oh my! Even this looks good on you! How is that possible?”
I laugh, I can’t help it.
“What’s going on?”
“Oh, well, your friend Paul,” Seth points behind him, along with the others, under a banner that reads ‘Happy Birthday’ in large, colourful letters, there’s my friend. “He told me it’s your birthday today, so…” He shrugs. “We thought we’d throw a little party for you.”
“A party?”
“Within reason, of course.” He laughs, nervously. “It’ll just be a low-key family dinner. A kind of larger family. I hope this isn’t a problem,” he said, chewing on his lip.
I look at the people behind him. The children, Paul and Vanessa, Mr Yang and Ross, then I turn back to him. At another time, in another place, with another person, I would have felt uncomfortable, surprised, even ambushed, but with him, in this house, with these people around… I don’t know, everything takes on a new meaning. A meaning I had never thought of, but which is becoming more and more clear in my eyes every day.
“Not at all.”
“Oh, good,” Seth smiles, now calm. “Just get comfortable and relax. Dinner will be ready soon.”
“Did you cook?”
“Don’t say it in that tone,” Seth pouts.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply anything… I’m sorry. I’m sure whatever you made is perfect.”
“I made stew,” he says, his voice dropping as embarrassment takes hold of him. “I consulted a thousand different recipes and asked the butcher who sold me the meat for help, I even spoke to the chef at the pub where you usually get it. It was Paul who gave me the name. I hope, with all my heart, that it’s at least acceptable.”
I can’t speak. The emotion catches me off guard, closing my throat.
I should feel violated in my memories and confessions, but strangely, I don’t.
“I’d better go, or I’ll burn it like everything else, and I really don’t want that to happen tonight.” He plants another kiss on my cheek, his fingers barely squeezing my arm as he leans towards me. “Enjoy your party, Mr Kennedy.”
Seth walks away, leaving me in the deafening confusion of my mind. His words collide with the ones I have been holding back, the sweetness of his eyes breaking through the memories of my past.
