“That’s not leisure, that’s discipline. You said that.”
I lie next to him, my arm under my head, my eyes fixed on his.
“What do you think I should do for leisure?”
“Go out, for example. With someone.”
“I go out with Paul sometimes.”
“I mean someone… Someone you care about.”
“Hmm…”
“A woman or a man…”
“I’m not seeing anyone,” I point out, in case there was any doubt.
“Oh…”
“And… er… you?”
“What do I do for leisure?”
“I mean… Are you… er… seeing someone?”
“Who has the time? Between my job, my second job, and my third job… And the kids, and my fake partner… When am I going to find a man to go out with?”
“So you’re just too busy?”
“I’m busy, it’s true, but I’m also… Tired. Tired of trying. I don’t know if you know what I mean.”
“I think I do.”
“It’s never enough. I’m never good enough.” He is silent for a while.
I wonder what could be wrong with this man. He seems perfect to me, in all his gorgeous imperfections.
Shit. I didn’t mean it that way.
“And now I’m pitying myself, aren’t I?”
“Not at all.”
He turns onto his back and sighs, looking at the ceiling. “I know there’s someone out there for me somewhere. It’s just that I’m tired of looking. I guess if something has to happen, sooner or later it will.” He just turns his head to the side, looking for me. “And you?”
“Me, what?”
“Don’t you want to find someone, have a family…”
“I always thought that certain things were not for me.”
“And do you still think that?”
I sigh heavily and roll over as well. I can’t tell him as I look into his eyes.
“Now I feel that way more than ever before.”
“Too many disappointments for you, too?”
