“I’m sure you do your best, and Mila knows that.”
“She’d love to get rid of me.”
“I wouldn’t believe that even if I heard her say it.”
“She just wants to be herself, while I… I’m afraid she’ll get hurt, or someone down the line will take advantage of her.”
“What do you mean?” I ask carefully.
“When she was a kid, she was… Out of control. We couldn’t work out what was wrong. Doctors would always mention hyperactivity, behavioural problems…”
“But that wasn’t the case.”
“They found out late – too late.” He looks back at me. “She has borderline personality disorder. It can be kept under control with medication and therapy.”
“Well, it’s good that there’s something she can do, right?”
“As long as she decides to follow the rules, yes. But every so often she skips a few days or forgets to take her meds, and we’re right back at square one. She’s just so kooky and creative, you know? But she loses that spark when she takes her meds, and she hates it.”
“I can’t imagine how that must feel.”
“When we didn’t know what it was… That was the worst time for her. She fell into this spiral of anxiety and depression, lost all appreciation for herself and for the world. She felt such strong emotions, and always pushed herself a little too far – she tried to test her own boundaries. She just wanted to feel something. But she only ended up hurting herself.”
I forget about lunch for a moment and stroke his hand. Sean looks at me and smiles.
“I’m just scared that this whole cheating thing is her falling back into old patterns.”
“What do you mean?”
“When she has her episodes, she… Loses her inhibitions. In all senses.”
“And you’re afraid that someone might take advantage of her in that situation?”
He nods.
I squeeze his hand and pull him close to me, stroking his hair with my free hand and losing myself in his eyes.
“I’m about to kiss you, Mr. Quinn.” I bend down to him and his breathing tickles my lips, trembling against his. “I normally don’t let people know beforehand, but…” I smile, the warmth of his mouth already making its way into my own. “But seeing as I know you don’t like surprises…” I brush against his lips and Sean sighs. “I want to kiss you, Mr. Quinn. Do I have your consent?”
He nods, my lips pressing again. I slide both hands onto his face, and his fingers grapple at my jumper. My tongue is in his mouth, his heat turning me on. Reality has just overridden fiction.
Sean lets himself go to me, and I tug at his hair the way I imagined I would. He moans into my mouth the way I’d dreamed he would. And the spark between us is so real and so wanted that I feel as if I need to pull away from him for a moment to look into his eyes and make sure he feels the same way.
“We’re complicating everything, aren’t we?” he asks, the same sweetness in his eyes and in his voice.
“Maybe. Or maybe we’re actually making them simpler.”
“I’m not so sure about that.”
To be honest, neither am I. So I simply nod and let him go just enough to establish a much-needed boundary between us.
“I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”
“It’s not like I stopped you.” Sean’s eyes roam the kitchen. “But I think it’s best for everyone if we stop here.”
I sigh, disappointed. “You’re right. It was a long night. You’re exhausted, still confused.”
He nods, but doesn’t meet my gaze.
