Prologue
Ryan
Two years earlier
“You can’t actually do it.”
“I already am,” I reply to Ian, haphazardly packing up my duffel.
“Ryan, please, be reasonable. Let’s talk about it, I’m sure we can find a solution.”
“A solution?” I laugh in his face. “We had a solution, but you never let me go through with it.”
“Did you really want to, though? How was it going to help you?”
“Help me?” I ask him, staring hard. “It would’ve helped me. But you had to butt in, as usual.”
“So killing your brother would have solved all your problems?”
“It would’ve made me feel better.”
Ian shakes his head and sinks onto the bed. “You don’t really think it was his fault, you know that.”
“No, of course not. It’s never his fault. He never does anything wrong, right?” I zip up my duffel and throw it on the floor, sitting myself down next to him, letting my head fall into my hands.
“Okay, he made things worse, but everything was going to shit even without him getting involved.”
I close my eyes and screw my hands into fists, trying to calm the fit of rage shaking through my body. I can’t think of him, of what he’s done.
Of what I was about to do.
“She…”
“Shut up!” I shout at him.
No one should ever mention either of their names in front of me.
“Have you seen this?” Ian touches my chin gently, but I jerk away. “You need stitches here.”
“Why the fuck would you even care?”
Ian sighs, frustrated. “You’re never going to change your mind, are you?”
“I’ve made my decision now. I’ve signed the contract.”
“It’s not too late – we can talk to the lawyer, retract the…”
I stand up. “They’re waiting for me.”
“Don’t just throw everything away. It took years of effort…I can’t let you do it. It’s your career. Your fucking life!” He gets up too and grabs me by the shoulders. “Don’t be a baby, Ryan. You’re a man!”
I shake off his hands. “My life, Ian!” I scream at him. “You have no idea what…”
“You have your family, you have rugby, you have…”
“That’s not enough,” I tell him, on the verge of breaking down.
It’s not enough anymore.
