We were silent as we listened to the storm outside.
“What are you doing out here by yourself in a thunderstorm?” he asked, being nosey.
“Keeping the horses company.”
Hiding from the memories in my parents’ trailer. Enjoying company of the few living beings that understood me. They allowed me to be by myself while keeping me company at the same time.
“Do they not like the storms?”
You could say that again.
“Some of them don’t mind them, but some of them are bothered, like me.”
“What about these two?” he asked, referring to our horses.
“You don’t know if Tigger is scared of storms?” I asked.
“No, like you pointed out before. I don’t know as much as I should.”
Self-burn Riley.
I nodded, remembering my words.
“Tigger is fine during storms. Athena is petrified. When Tigger is here, he helps her get through them,” I said, watching the two horses interact.
“Are they friends?” he asked.
“Yeah, something like that,” I said.
Admitting they were bonded out loud for the first time felt like it was too much for this moment, too raw. I already felt raw enough from my own emotions. I felt too exposed with Riley sitting next to me.
“Does this get boring?” he asked me, referring to just sitting here.
“No,” I answered simply.
It just felt numbing.
He was wrapped up in the blanket now, drying off. He leaned back against the wall behind us. I could smell his cologne mixed with the rainwater and the horses around us. It was a pleasant smell that I tried not to memorize. I didn’t want to lie in bed and crave this smell or his presence.
The truth was that Riley was a self-serving asshole. The moment he knew that he was back in his father’s will, whatever this understanding was between us would dissolve. I couldn’t let this feel like anything other than what it was, curiosity.
He was like water in a sidewalk crack. I had no doubt he could work his way into my heart and expand the space when he turned into ice, cracking everything further. Then when he was gone completely, I would be left crumbling with more emptiness. I couldn’t let that happen.
“Do you do this during every storm?” he asked.
“Most of them,” I answered.
He nodded, accepting that my answer felt right.
“Can I ask you something?” he asked.
I nodded.
He was very chatty today. Especially after I shut him down earlier.
“The ring, the sweater, what is that about?” he asked.
His gaze glanced over the two and then my face. He focused on my eyes, which were holding back tears.
