I pulled my knees to my chest as if I could hug myself and bring some of the comfort I so desperately needed. “It was the last thing I wanted to do. Not when he was already in so much pain.”
I caught a flicker in Arden’s gaze this time, an echo of Cope’s pain in her because she loved her brother so deeply. “Something tells me you didn’t do that for shits and giggles.”
“He wanted me to go to the funeral with him.”
The words were barely audible, but Arden’s focus still jerked to the door as she realized where her brother had gone. “Hell,” she muttered, then turned back to me. “And you’re not ready for all that attention.”
No, I wasn’t. That sort of focus had never been my thing. But I would’ve paid the price again and again if it meant being there for Cope. Unfortunately, it was way more complicated than that. “It’s not about being ready. Ican’t.”
I bled every ounce of feeling into that last word, hoping Arden would somehow understand without me telling her the story.
She tensed, her hands squeezing nothing as I watched the mental pieces come together. “There’s someone you don’t want to find you.”
I nodded in answer.
“Are they a risk to your safety?” Arden asked instantly, and I understood why. Thea had just been through an ordeal with her ex,which made the Colsons incredibly aware of what people from our pasts were capable of.
But when I thought about whether Roman was an actual danger to me, I wasn’t sure. He might try what he could to bleed me dry. Could give my location to Petrov. But would either of them get on a plane and cross the country? For what? To make an example out of me? It wasn’t like I had money to spare.
“I don’t know.” It was the first time I’d said the words out loud. The first time I’d admitted, even to myself, that I might be running from shadows.
Arden moved slowly, her hand covering mine. “I know what that’s like,” she whispered. “Is there a reason to fear, or have we simply stopped living?”
Something in those words told me she understood better than most, and I couldn’t help but wonder why. I didn’t know the circumstances around Arden coming to live with the Colsons, just that she had come into foster care at the age of twelve and was the youngest of them.
But she didn’t seem young as I looked into those swirling eyes. She had an old soul, one I knew had been through more than its fair share.
“I feel like I can’t trust my perception of things anymore,” I admitted. I remembered a psychiatrist who had come to see me in the hospital. A kind man with graying hair and smile lines around his eyes. He’d told me I may have PTSD from the incident and said I’d need to be kind to my brain as it tried to protect me.
Arden’s mouth pulled into a half-smile. “Sometimes, those monsters seem worse simply because we haven’t turned on the lights.”
God, was that ever true. “I’m tired of living in the dark.” Tired of feeling like I was running when I’d done nothing wrong.
That half smile on Arden’s face grew into a full one. “Then maybe it’s time to step into the light.”
20
COPE
This suit was goingto strangle me. No matter how many times I adjusted the damn tie, I still felt like I couldn’t breathe. And it didn’t matter how expensive the material was; it felt like itchy burlap.
“Cope.” The voice was soft and full of empathy. And, God, it made me a bastard, but it wasn’t the one I wanted to hear right now.
I turned to face the owner. “Hey, Ang.”
She instantly moved into my space, wrapping her arms around my waist and pressing her face to my chest. It was a move she’d made countless times, but it felt empty now. I didn’t feel the comfort I did with Sutton’s mere presence. I didn’t feel the understanding I got without Sutton saying a word. I felt…nothing.
Still, I returned the hug and patted her back gently. She held on for a beat too long before finally releasing me. When she tipped her head back, red hair cascading down her back, her green eyes sparkled with unshed tears. “Are you okay?”
That was the last fucking question I wanted to answer, but I didmy best to force a smile I knew likely looked more like a grimace. “Hanging in there. You?”
Her arms fell from mine, and she took my hands in hers. “I just can’t believe this is happening.”
I was a prick. A callous asshole because Angie needed comfort, and all I could think about was how to get her to let go of my goddamned hands.
“Angie.” Linc’s voice cut through the air like a knife. There was power behind it, something likely trained from birth. That’s what happened when you were raised in one of the wealthiest families in the world. I just happened to know that he hated his family with the passion of a thousand blazing suns—his dad, at least.
Angie released my hands and took a huge step back. “Lincoln.”
