Sympathy washed over her features. “An honor. But so incredibly hard.”
It was an honor I didn’t deserve. One I wasn’t sure I’d get through. Not alone. “Will you go with me?”
It wasn’t sympathy that flashed then, it was sheer panic—an emotion that didn’t make any sense. “I—um, I have Luca.”
“Mom can stay with him. She loves that kid.”
Sutton’s throat worked as she struggled to swallow. “I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”
“Warrior,” I whispered, shock settling in.
“I-I can’t. I’m so sorry, Cope.”
“You can’t go to my best friend’s funeral?” There was accusation in my words, a flicker of anger. I held on to that because it was so much better than the pain.
“I’m so sorry, I?—”
“It doesn’t matter.” I shoved to my feet, sending Sutton jerking back on her haunches. None of it mattered. It wasn’t like I hadn’t been alone in my grief and guilt before.
19
SUTTON
The silence echoedoff the living room walls and sent vibrations through my ears. Something about the absence of sound was absolutely deafening. I couldn’t move. Even as my brain told me to get up and go after Cope, my body wouldn’t obey.
And maybe that was for the best. Because what would I do once I got there? Spin some lie? Tell him I couldn’t be there for him when he needed me the most? After everything he’d done for me?
Pain radiated through my chest in vicious waves as I lost all feeling in my knees. That pins-and-needles sensation traveled through my legs as the agony spread along my sternum. It would be so easy to say yes, go with Cope, and be the shoulder he needed. But I knew what would be waiting at a funeral of that magnitude.
The press.
The same vultures that were waiting outside the hospital when I was released. It wasn’t as if I’d been major headline material, but it was enough to garner national attention. The ex-wife of a disgraced football player beaten by his seedy connections. Photos of my swollenand bandaged face as a friend wheeled me to their car. The coverage of the trial that followed.
I couldn’t risk that sort of attention now—the kind that would tell Roman where I was. And the risk it would bring if he decided to drop the information on Petrov.
It wasn’t a lie that Luca needed me. He’d bawled his eyes out when he found out his new best friend wasn’t here anymore. He was bouncing back the way kids did, off to play with Keely for the afternoon, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t have his moments. Ones where he needed me. The problem was, Cope needed me, too.
A beep sounded from the front door lock. I knew I should move. Stand. I shouldn’t be here when whoever was at the door walked in. It looked ridiculous, me on my knees, just staring at the place where Cope had been.
Footsteps pounded down the stairs as the door swung open.
“Cope—” Arden’s sentence was cut short as he stormed past her, a duffel slung over his shoulder. “Where are you going?” she yelled out the open door.
But he didn’t answer. I heard a door slam in the distance and knew he’d gotten behind the wheel of that fancy SUV. I just prayed he’d be careful. Safe. The miniscule local airstrip designed mainly for hobbyists was only a few minutes away. I’d heard enough of Linc’s offer to know that a plane would be meeting Cope there. That was good. He’d be okay.
The moment I thought that last sentence, I knew it was a lie. Cope might be physically safe, but he was as far fromokayas you could get.
“Sutton.” Arden’s voice was soft, not delicate in any way but gentle, nonetheless.
The sound jerked me from the haze of guilt currently holding me hostage. She was close. Standing right beside me. I’d somehow missed her crossing the threshold and coming through the living room. I knew I needed to say something but couldn’t get my body to do that either.
I expected Arden to pull me up and get me sitting on the couch,but instead, she sank to the floor with me. She didn’t make a move to touch me, simply sat beside me, those cool, gray-violet eyes searching. And she didn’t ask even a single question.
That was the thing about Arden. She wasn’t afraid of stillness. She moved and spoke only with purpose, though not because the world around her told her she needed to.
Finally, my knees gave way, and I fell fully to the carpet. My ass hit the floor in a way that jarred my spine and rattled my teeth. “I hurt him,” I whispered.
Arden’s gaze shifted, but there was neither condemnation nor empathy in it, simply understanding. “It’s a messy business being human. We hurt, and we get hurt.”
