“I can’t go there.” Pain sliced through my chest.
She moved in closer, lifting a hand to my cheek. “When are you going to stop punishing yourself?”
“I’m not punishing—”
“You are. Just because you had a partner who made poor choices doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be happy.”
I jerked out of her hold. “I don’t want to talk about it, Mom. I’m fine. We’re good. Hallie makes our lives easier, but I’m not interested in her like that.”
Lies, lies, lies.So many lies I was starting to smell the bullshit on my breath. But it was the only thing that my mom would understand because she was wrong. I didn’t deserve happiness. Not when my choices before had almost ruined us all.
25
HALLIE
“I wanna trysome of these cookies,” Nash said with a serious expression.
I fought a laugh as I nodded. “Come by anytime. Or I’ll have Lawson bring some to the station.”
It had become clear that Nash was highly food motivated, and the moment Charlie had gone on and on about my chocolate chip cookies, Nash had been determined to get some.
“Lawson’ll eat them before they even make it halfway,” Nash complained.
Maddie pinched his side. “He will not. You’re the competitive eater in this bunch. Heck, you’ve been jealous of a six-year-old for half the night.”
Nash frowned down at her. “He said they’re ooey-gooeyandcrunchy. That combo shouldn’t be possible.”
Maddie rolled her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Hallie. You’ll never get rid of him now.”
Holt strode up, his arm around Wren. “I wouldn’t mind trying some either.”
Nash glared at his brother. “Stay away from my cookies.”
“Dear God,” Wren muttered. “It’s going to be a blood bath.”
I laughed then. Not one of my polite ones, a real one. Because the Hartley family was hilarious, warm, and welcoming. You could feel how much they loved one another, even when they were giving each other a hard time. After the first thirty minutes, I’d eased into simply being around them. The effortless friendship I’d seen between Grae, Wren, and Maddie at The Brew my first day in Cedar Ridge spread through the entire group. And a part of me wondered if I could find a place among it, even if it wasn’t at Lawson’s side.
Kerry moved in and gave me a quick squeeze. “Please come next week.”
“Mom,” Lawson warned.
But she just waved him off. “Don’t listen to the big bad wolf grumbling over there. Please, come. And bring those chocolate chip cookies.”
“Thank you for having me,” I told her noncommittally as I glanced at Lawson.
His face was a stony mask. He’d been tense through dinner, but I hadn’t been able to tell if it was the case or something else.
The boys said their goodbyes, and we piled into the SUV. The drive home was only a stream of Charlie talk, while Lawson didn’t say a word.
The second we got home, Lawson charged up the stairs, muttering something about getting in a workout.
I glanced at Luke as we made our way up the steps. His jaw clenched. “He gets like this sometimes.”
What did that mean?
It was already late, so I got Charlie moving toward bed and made sure Drew and Luke didn’t need anything. Once Charlie’s light was out, I headed back into the living area. It was empty, but I could hear the faint strains of music from the basement below.
Steeling myself, I opened the door to head down. The music got louder as I went, but it wasn’t until I opened the second door that it hit me full bore. I didn’t recognize the song, but it was a heavy rock beat with angry guitar riffs.
