At the sound of the familiar voice, I spin around, watching Ash and Tucker run over to where we’re standing. Ash’s gaze flickers behind me before landing on my face. “Are you guys okay?”
“Oh, thank god,” I breathe out as my legs carry me over to them. I scoop Tucker into my arms, hugging him tightly before hauling Ash into my chest. I bury my nose in the strands on top of his head, breathing him in, my shoulders relaxing now that I know they’re okay. “I couldn’t get ahold of you guys.”
Realizing what I just did, I step away from Ash, breaking the hug as he peers up at me with a wild look in his eyes, clearly as taken aback by my show of affection as me.
“I’m so sorry,” Ash murmurs, a remorseful expression taking over his face. “I accidentally left my phone at home when we left.”
“It’s okay, I’m just happy you guys are safe.”
Tucker’s arms wrap around my neck as he squeezes me with all his might. “We’re okay, Daddy. Are you okay?”
“We’re all fine,” I assure them both. The strongest urge to wrap my arms around Ash hits me again, but I don’t act on it.
“What happened?” Ash asks, running a hand through his hair. “We saw the smoke on our way back. Are the horses okay?”
“They’re all fine too.” I nod. “We were able to get them out before it spread past the office. We don’t know what happened yet.”
“Oh my gosh. Is the barn ruined?”
“Part of it. We’ll have to rebuild at least the office.”
Ash’s gaze settles on me, concern pouring out of his beautiful mismatched eyes. “What can I do?”
My chest tightens.Fuck,now is not the time for my feelings to make an appearance.
“Taking Tucker home would be the most helpful thing you could do,” I tell him with a heavy sigh. “We’re going to have to figure out somewhere to take all these horses.”
He nods. “I can do that. I’ll take him home, keep us out of your hair while you figure everything out.”
My gaze softens as I take him in. “Thank you.”
“Of course. Once I get home, I’ll have my phone again, so call if you need help with anything else.” Ash presses a hand to my bicep, the warm touch doing wonders at calming my heart rate.
The two of them climb into his car, and I allow myself a few long moments to watch them drive away, wishing things weredifferent and I could embrace him the way I want to. My nerves are still shot from not knowing where they were, and I have a feeling they’re going to stay that way for a while. Turning my attention to the barn in front of us, I know that today could’ve turned out so much worse. Yes, the barn is going to be unusable for the time being, but nobody got hurt, and that’s the most important thing.
It’s not long before the sheriff and the fire department leave. August and the other ranch hand come back right after, and we all get to work coming up with a plan for the time being. Hollis reaches out to the farm down the road, and they agree to hold our horses in their stables while we figure out how to repair the barn. When my brother and I load the horses up, Dad heads into his house to get on the phone with our insurance agent while August and the other ranch hand agree to take care of evening chores.
We’ve got a lot ahead of us, but thankfully, only a portion of the barn was affected in the fire. And again, nobody was hurt. Tucker and Ash are safe. I keep reminding myself about that, but my nerves are no less frazzled.
What a turn this day took.
It’s no surprise that sleep is evading me. There’s a lot on my mind, and despite the adrenaline crash from earlier, I’m too wired to even try to close my eyes and get some rest. I’ve been lying in my bed, wide awake, for hours.
By the time Hollis and I got all the horses set up down the road and I was able to go home, it was already after dinner. Ashhad saved me a plate of food, and he and Tucker were playing with Bubba out back when I walked in the door. I reheated the food and ate on the back deck, watching the two of them with a tightness in my chest. Logically, I know that they were never in harm’s way, but the blind panic I felt when I first saw the fire was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, and I’m sure for that reason alone, I haven’t been able to shake the anxiety swimming inside of me.
After I got Tucker bathed and tucked into bed, I went to the living room, hoping to find Ash out there so we could talk, but he was already in his room. It would seem even after today’s scare, things still stand where they’ve been for the last two weeks. The distance between us has been nothing short of torture. No longer does he hang out with me in the evenings. No relaxing over a drink together, no making fun of me for my music, no flirting or longing looks.
Nothing.
It’s like it never happened.
I was hoping with time I’d learn to accept it. That my feelings would diminish. Two weeks later, and there’s no end in sight. I don’t know what to do with the situation. I know I need to respect his wishes…but at the same time, there’s nothing I want more than to say fuck his wishes. Yes, I’m sure Violet was upset when I broke things off, but there’s no way she’s still hung up on it. We dated for a handful of months and only saw each other once a week, if that. And sure, I can understand where Ash is coming from, not wanting to hurt his sister more, but it’s not like Violet and I were married, or even in love. If there’s something real between Ash and me, she would surely learn to accept it, wouldn’t she? I would think she would want her brother to be happy.
Turning my head, I stare at the wall that connects our bedrooms, wondering if he’s asleep. If he’s awake, what’s on hismind? Is it me? Does he think about me as much as I think about him? Does he wish things could be different like I do, or is this easy for him? From my point of view, he seems to be handling everything fine. I never catch him looking at me, and he’s made it a point to never be alone with me. Maybe what we did means nothing to him. Maybe it’s just another hookup.
I swallow thickly against the bitter taste that thought leaves behind.
My gaze snaps to the door as I hear it creak open. I expect to find Tucker sleepily walking into my room. It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes, he’ll have a nightmare and want to sleep with me. Only, my breath catches as a shadow much taller than my son enters the room. The hallway is dark, so I can’t make out anything more than Ash’s silhouette.
