I drop the menu onto the table, gesturing toward it with my hand. “Look at all these pastries! There’re muffins, croissants, Danishes. Not to mention, look at how fucking good that French toast looks, but you’re going to have scrambled eggs, sausage, ham, and bacon mixed up together with vegetables?Boring.”
That only makes Boone laugh harder. His smile is wide and bright, and the lines around his eyes crinkle. He looks stunning. “I’m competing tonight,” he explains. “On rodeo days, I try notto eat anything too heavy. Although, if you get that French toast, I’ll probably steal a bite.”
Rolling my eyes dramatically, my lips tip up into a small grin as I mutter, “Whatever. Still boring.”
Our server stops by and takes our order, and once she leaves, I drag in a deep breath, blowing it out through my mouth, knowing we need to get this chat over with. I don’t want to leave here without having some sort of understanding of one another. Still, my stomach is in knots as I glance over at Boone, who’s already watching me, and say, “Can we talk? About last night, and well…everything.”
Boone arches a brow as he clasps his hands together on top of the table. “Only if you promise to not immediately shut me down because it’s the easier option.”
Heart thumping, I reply, “You think that was theeasieroption?”
“Well, wasn’t it?” he asks, not unkindly.
“Not at all.” I shake my head. “I don’t think any option was an easy one. Was cutting off what we had going on what I thought was what needed to happen? Yes. But it wasn’t easy, Boone.”
He’s quiet for a moment, as if taking in everything I said. “Do you still feel like that’s what needs to happen?”
“I…” Running my fingers through my hair, I try to slow down my racing pulse. “I don’t know,” I admit honestly. “But it’s not what I want. The last month has been miserable.”
“For me too,” he says, his expression soft as he meets my gaze.
“So, then what?” I ask Boone, desperately wanting him to magically have all the answers because I sure as hell don’t.
Surprising me, he reaches over and covers my hand with his. It’s warm and steadies my breath. “I can’t make this call for you, G. I know what I want, but it’s up to you to decide what you want.”
I chew on the inside of my cheek, my stomach in knots. That’s the thing… I know exactly what I want, but isn’t it selfish of me to go after it?
“You know,” I start. “I’ve replayed everything that’s happened between us since it very first started. Every interaction, every touch, every look, every feeling. In the moment, I think it was easy for us to forget about the ramifications, about who we’d be hurting with our actions—or that we’d be hurting anyone at all. It was easy for us to give into the desire and the need we both had because we’d put ourselves in this little bubble. Jade was gone at first, and then we were on the road where she wasn’t, so it was easy for us to take on this mentality ofout of sight, out of mind.”
Blowing out a shaky breath, I glance up, meeting Boone’s gaze.
“I think in my head, deep, deep down, I always knew she’d find out.” I continue, my eyes never leaving his. “We wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret forever. But I was so wrapped up in this protective, fun bubble we were in that I basically gaslit myself into believing the opposite. Believing that we were invincible. That I’d never have to answer for what I’d done—for what we’d done. So when Jade found out, and the consequences for our actions hit us in the face, I panicked. The thought of losing Jade terrified me, of losing what little family I had left. But I think…” My voice cracks, emotion thick in my throat. “I think what I’ve come to realize is that the thought of losing you terrifies me more, Boone.”
“So, what are you saying?” he asks, his voice rough and filled with hope that makes me teary.
“I’m saying that I care deeply for you, and I don’t think I can walk away. I don’t want to.”
A grin splits Boone’s face as he lets out what I can only describe as a sigh of relief. “Me either. What about Jade?”
Guilt threatens to take over again. “I don’t know. I hope she’ll eventually come around, but I also understand why she’s hurt.”
“She loves you, G,” he says softly. “She could never hate you.”
“What about you guys? And Suzy?”
“We’ll be fine. I’d like to think we’re both mature enough to realize that Suzy comes before anything, including any issues we may have with each other. Jade and I may not be in love anymore, but there will always be one thing we will forever agree on, and that’s Suzy and what’s best for her. I don’t doubt that for a second.”
I wish I could be as assured as Boone is. On the inside, I’m a fucking wreck. I want him, but I’m also still so scared about where that will leave me.
Our food comes, and all heavy conversation falls to the wayside. After we finish, Boone pays the bill, and we go our separate ways. He has to get ready for tonight, and I want to head back to the hotel room to decompress and have a hot shower. The whole time I’m standing under the scalding hot stream, the same thought runs through my mind over and over again. Once I’m out, I get dressed in a t-shirt and a pair of sweats, grab my phone, and plop down on the bed.
“Just do it, Grady,” I mumble to myself, nerves eating away at my stomach.
With shaky hands, I find my sister’s contact in my phone and hit the FaceTime button. It rings a few times, and I start to think she might not answer. Until she does.
Jade appears on the screen, fresh-faced with her hair tossed up into a bun on the top of her head. She’s in the laundry room, and she props the phone on what I can only assume is the shelf behind the washer and dryer.
“Hey,” she greets. “Suzy’s not home.”
