Ryan: Well, I’m actually in North Carolina until Sunday. I have a meeting on Saturday. Are you free like… tonight?
Me: Yeah, I’m just leaving the office now. I can meet you. Where at?
Ryan: The café down the block from your office?
Me: Okay, I can be there in about 10 minutes. Does that work?
Ryan: Yup. I’m close by.
Shoving my phone into my pocket, I finish packing up. A wave of nerves washes over me at what he could want. The last time we met at this café, it didn’t go so well. I can’t help but wonder if he’s meeting me to ask for more money.
Leaving my office, I take the elevator to the first floor, deciding to walk there. It’s warm out—probably too warm for this suit jacket I’m wearing—but it’s only about a block and a half away. Driving would be pointless.
Ryan’s climbing out of a newer looking Honda SUV as I’m walking up. He spots me as he’s locking the door, raising his hand in a quick wave. “Hey, Dad.”
“Hey. Whose car is that?”
“It’s a rental,” he explains as we walk inside.
It’s late in the evening, so Beatrice isn’t here this time. The hostess on duty seats us at a booth near the window. The sun is just starting to set, the sky a smattering of pastels. She takes our drink order before leaving us be.
This is the first time I’ve seen Ryan since before Bodhi’s overdose. We’ve talked on the phone a few times, but it’s been awkward at best.
“So… what’s got you in town?”
“A meeting in Charlotte in the morning,” is all he gives me as our drinks are dropped off.
A bout of silence descends on us, and the urge to saysomethingto fill it is strong, but I give him the space to come to me. He asked me here, so there’s obviously something he needs to talk about.
Eventually, he blows out a sigh as he meets my gaze. “I got a letter from Bodhi.”
At the mention of Bodhi’s name, my chest tightens. “You did?”
“Did he tell you he was sending me one?”
I shake my head. It doesn’t surprise me that he did, though.
“Among other things, he urged me to sit down with you and talk about, well, everything.”
The server chooses that very moment to come take our order. The entire time, my mind is spinning. This is what I’ve wanted for years, and now that it’s here, my stomach is clear in my throat, heart pounding so hard in my chest, I’m surprised it doesn’t bust through my ribcage.
As soon as she walks away, I bring my attention back to Ryan. “I would love nothing more than to talk about everything with you, Ryan. I don’t think it’s a surprise to anyone that I want to be able to fix our relationship. I miss you.”
“I don’t even know where to start, honestly,” he admits.
“How about from the beginning,” I suggest. “Our relationship began straining when you were in high school. We can start there?”
He looks at me, apprehension written all over his face. “Fine, but I want to start by saying I know you worked hard to give me and Mom a comfortable, good life.”
“Okay…”
“I felt like I had to constantly fight for your time and attention when I was in high school. When you took the promotion as a Supreme Court judge, your workload intensified tenfold, and the time spent at home lessened drastically.”
“Ryan, I—”
He holds up a hand. “I’m not done. We used to do everything together, Dad. Go to football games together, watch the NFL on the weekends. You’d come to every single one of my games and most of my practices. And as I got older, that just deteriorated. Sure, you still came to some games, but it was few and far between. Work became your number one priority while Mom and I just fell to the wayside.”
My heart twists painfully in my chest as I listen to him. He’s absolutely right. It was never my intention, but truthfully, that doesn’t matter. What matters is how I made him feel.
