He leans down, sealing his lips to mine, my body immediately melting into his touch. Jules has this uncanny ability to calm the demons in my mind, even if only for a brief moment. When he’s kissing me, I forget everything. The world vanishes. I’m no longer the Bodhi who is disgusted when he looks in the mirror, who never thinks he’s good enough. When Jules kisses me, I’meverything.
There’s nothing like it.
The kiss isn’t long by any means, but when he pulls back, my head still feels dizzy. “Get some rest,” he tells me. “I’m sure you didn’t get much sleep in there with me taking up most of the space.”
What I want to say is,“It was perfect. I would fall asleep crawled up by your side every single night if I could.”But instead of voicing that, I just nod, getting into my car and starting the ignition. He pats the top of my car before I wave, driving away.
******
“So, his wife is dying?” The look on Camden’s face would be comical if I wasn’t so exhausted.
“Well, she’s technically been braindead for like over a year now.”
“Damn.”
Elias is the only one I’ve really talked to about Jules and his situation—and Jules andoursituation—but not because I don’t trust Camden. Because I do, it’s just, before Vaughn, he’s never been in a relationship. He’s never had to deal with being with the person you shouldn’t be with or deal with feelings you shouldn’t have, and Elias has. He may not have come right out and told me that, but I have a sneaking suspicion that he knows full well what I’m working through. So, talking with him was always easier because he got it.
And that’s no fault of Camden’s, of course. I think it’s great that he’s never had to deal with a broken heart or annoying emotions that, to the outside world, seem wrong.
But Elias is gone for the weekend, and I could really use someone to vent to, so here we are.
“And your best friend is coming to town today?” he asks when I don’t say anything.
“He’s probably already here, but yes. And he isn’t my best friend anymore.”
He nods, studying me for a moment. “Is it weird for you? Being there for him while he grieves the loss—or impending loss—of his wife?”
I know he doesn’t mean it maliciously. If someone had asked me this same question even a few weeks ago, I would’ve said yes. But ever since Jules came over that night during the thunderstorm, things have felt different. They’ve felt real.
“Not really,” I offer. “His sadness over losing her has nothing to do with me. Jules loving her doesn’t negate how he feels about me. The two situations and the two feelings aren’t mutually exclusive. He’s allowed to hurt and grieve the loss of someone who has been a huge part of his life. Loving one person doesn’t mean you can’t love someone else, too. Not that he loves me, but you know what I mean.”
Camden grins. “I think he does.”
My brows pull together in confusion. “Does what?”
“Love you.”
“No… no, he doesn’t.”Even though Jules told me as much, but denial isn’t just a river in Egypt.
Standing up, he pats me on the back. “Think he does, man. Listen, I gotta go pack. I’m catching a flight to go see Vaughn in a few hours, but I know I’m right.” With a smirk, he adds, “Text me if you need anything, though.”
He leaves my room, and I lie down, pulling the covers up to my chin. Just as I’m about to drift off to sleep, my phone chimes from the nightstand. I grab it, and the message waiting for me has my stomach sinking.
Jules: She’s gone.
Chapter Thirty-One
Jules van der Meer
Lorelei’s funeral is today.
Despite having a year to prepare for this day, I’m nowhere near ready. My stomach is in knots and my eyes hurt from crying. Last night, Ryan and I got drunk and sat by the fire, laughing and reminiscing on all the memories we’ve had over the years with the three of us. I can honestly say it was the first time I’ve gotten drunk with my son, but I think it helped. It was cathartic in a sense, sharing all those moments together, talking about how we felt. I’d like to think it brought us closer.
Ryan told me last night that a girl he’s been dating for a few months now—her name is Kylie—is flying down after the funeral to be here for him for a few days. I didn’t even know he had a girlfriend, but I’m glad he has someone to lean on.
My mind automatically drifts to Bodhi, and how I wish he was here. We’ve talked a handful of times over the last several days since he left the hospital, but we haven’t seen each other in person, and I miss him. I told him if he wanted to go to the service, he could. It wouldn’t be that weird with Ryan here, considering Bodhididknow Lorelei pretty well when he was in high school. I don’t know if he’ll actually show up, but I sure as fuck hope he does.
Even if I can’t hold him in public—in front of Ryan—I do think his presence alone would be enough to put me at ease.
