My mom calls us for dinner.
We gather in the massive dining room that boasts an old wooden farm table that spans most of the room. My dad always sits at the head of the table with my mother on his right and my brothers on his left. Jordan plops down next to me. Her flowery perfume and the delicious scent of her cornbread stuffing fill my nostrils.
Jordan sets the dish on the table in front of us, a bright smile on her face. She’s proud of her work.
The room fills with laughter and chatter, the air humming with excitement. I glance around the table and smile. I missed my family and hadn’t realized how much until now.
John Collins, my father’s friend and business partner, sits beside me, leaving a gap between us. The open space is noticeable, and I wonder why he’s sitting so far away. And then I see him. Corey. He’s at the end of the table talking to some of his friends from work.
He laughs, his fingers moving through his shaggy brown hair, pushing it off his forehead. His muscles bulge beneath his sweater that’s rolled up to his elbows. Years of working outside have given him a beautiful body. My throat closes when his eyes meet mine, nerves shaking me to the core.
We haven’t spoken since I left for college. Corey promised he would allow me to experience everything without interference from him. And he kept his word. I also said we would talk when I came home for a break. My life is a mess right now. I’m not ready to decide.
Corey finishes his conversation at the end of the table before strolling over to me. He sits next to me, a grin plastered on his handsome face. In every way, he’s still the boy I met in grade school. The same man I left behind. But I’m not the same. Everything has changed since I transferred to Strickland University.
“Jemmy,” Corey whispers, the nickname only he uses for me as he leans in to kiss my cheek. “Happy Thanksgiving.”
My skin burns from his delicate touch. “You, too,” I mutter.
“How come you look so surprised to see me?”
I pause for a second. It’s not that I’m surprised. “I’m not,” I lie. “You should try the cornbread stuffing before it’s gone.” I nod at the half-empty bowl in front of me. “Jordan didn’t make as much as she usually does. With all these mouths to feed, grab some while you can.”
“Right.” He sighs, reaching for the spoon sticking out from the bowl. “I guess I better get on that.”
Why does this feel so awkward? I’ve known him for most of my life. He’s been there for me through the hard times, even the more embarrassing times, and yet I’m terrified of saying the wrong thing because I know he will want to talk after dinner, and I will still have the same answer I gave him over the summer. I’m not ready to get married and start a family.
After we fill our plates, I take slow, deliberate bites, my focus on the food. Even though it’s delicious, my stomach churns, the nerves giving me a cramp in my side. I’m such a coward for avoiding eye contact with Corey. He deserves better than this, especially from me.
Years of friendship and love have afforded him more than I can give him. If only things were simpler, more like when we first started dating. It was easier back then. We had nothing dragging us down, no worries other than finishing high school. Everything was perfect.
“Meet me in the barn after dinner,” he says against the shell of my ear, and I shudder from his breath on my skin.
Unable to utter the words, I nod, and he relaxes at my side.
I knew this was coming. Maybe it’s best to get it over sooner rather than later instead of dragging this on forever. Corey waited for me, no doubt stayed single the entire time I was at school. And what did I do? Had sex with the hottest guy on campus.
Dinner continues with my father telling stories about his friends at the table. It’s his way of thanking the men and women who bust their asses to ensure the farm runs smoothly. My mother boasts about my acceptance into Kappa Delta, telling her friends how proud she is that I followed in her footsteps.
Each conversation seems to blend with the next, and I offer a fake smile and minimal words, doing my best to keep my shit together in front of everyone. My hands shake from the waves of anxiety shooting through my veins. I swear my heart is beating so loud Corey can hear it. If he can, he hasn’t said a word. He hasn’t spoken to me since he asked me to meet him in the barn after dinner.
Once the men retire to the living room to sip after-dinner whiskey, I slip out the back door, desperate to get this over with. I stroll down the aisle in search of Rocky, the stallion my father purchased before I left for school. After Athena had gotten sick and died, I couldn’t bear to replace her. But I would still help Corey feed the horses and brush their manes.
I stop in front of Rocky’s stall and rest my hands on the top of the wooden door. “Hey, boy. Did you miss me?”
Without hesitation, Rocky comes over and dips his head for me to pet him. He likes it when I rub behind his ears. Rocky bows his head like a dog and neighs in appreciation.
“I guess you did,” I say to him. “I missed you, too.”
“How about me?” Corey’s baritone voice booms behind me. “Because it doesn’t seem like you even want me here.”
I release my hold on Rocky and spin around to face Corey. My eyes don’t meet his at first, and when they do, guilt washes over me.
I transferred to Strickland University to test the waters. Corey knew meeting other guys was a possibility. How do I tell him about Trent? He’ll never look at me the same again if I do.
“That’s not true,” I say in a hushed tone.
He stops in front of me, his body blocking my path. Corey still has the same solid shoulders and muscular physique as when he played high school football, except now, he’s bigger and leaner, his body filled out more from working on the farm.
