God, he was gorgeous. I had no problem telling him that, and he smiled like it was way too flattering. And I did feel morepowerfully about him than anyone I’d ever been with. Putting it into words was another matter, though.
We kissed, mostly because I wanted to squeeze in whatever physical contact I could before the guys arrived. Something about throwing my arms around Erik on the ice with all our equipment on appealed to me too. I totally would’ve pushed him to fuck on the ice if it wouldn’t have left frostbite on our asses.
Anyway, our argument about the L-word had stuck in my mind. I hadn’t stopped thinking about it and wanted to clear the air and, I’m the kind of guy to come right out and say what’s on my mind.
“It’s not that I don’t love you,” I said. “You know that, right?”
Erik paused, and drew a deep breath, like he needed time to sugarcoat a way to say, “No, I don’t, actually.”
“Come on, bro. You’re killing me.”
“It’s not that hard, Kayden. You just say it. I love you. See? I just did it.”
“I get what you’re saying, but?—”
“I love you. There, I just did it again. I might lose control of myself with all this love in my heart.”
“Look, if you could just?—”
“I love you. I looooove you. A thousand times, Ilove you!!”
“Jesus, dude, can you get through a simple conversation without acting like an ass?”
“I will if you will.”
I stopped and smirked at him. Maybe I should’ve known better than to attempt a serious conversation with him. That’s on me, I guess.
I fired a few pucks down the ice, the cracking sound reverberating throughout the empty arena. They bounced off the boards. I wanted to tell my boyfriend that I was now too distracted to make accurate shots but knew better.
“Saying something is easy enough if you don’t really mean it.” I regretted those words instantly.
“You’re not saying you wouldn’t really mean it, are you?”
“No way. I’m just saying that when people throw those three little words around, they might not be pulsing with emotion. It’s just something they’re saying. You know, like an obligation.”
Erik stopped. I judged from his pursed lips and stern expression that he was considering it. He had to know I had a point, even if he was too much of a hard-headed Canadian to realize it.
“So, you’re saying that you would only ever say it out of obligation?” he asked. “I’m sorry, I’m not following you.”
“I didn’t say it would be out of obligation, bro. I’m just saying that some people don’t put enough feeling into the things they say. I want to make sure every last thing that comes out of my mouth means something.”
That was the truth, but it would never satisfy him. I revisited my thoughts about whether they put something in the water in Ontario to make him so ridiculous.
He fired a puck at the net, and it landed. Not bad for shooting from so far out. But I knew he wasn’t doing it just for practice. He got like that when frustrated, and the source was no mystery.
“I can say it if you want me to,” I said. “You know, if it’ll make you feel better and it’ll put the argument to rest. It’s not like my tongue’s gonna fall out. I lo?—"
“Are you ashamed of us?”
That one stopped me cold in my tracks. Apparently, I’m not the only one who can read minds. I really didn’t like the direction of this conversation. Not that I regretted bringing it up, but I totally had misgivings over letting things get out of hand.
“I’m not ashamed of us.” I spoke through gritted teeth. Even I knew how defensive I sounded.
“Oh no? If you weren’t, then you would’ve let us come out to everyone by now. And a simple I love you wouldn’t be such a monumental achievement.”
“Oh my freaking god, dude.”
“And we wouldn’t be having yet another argument about this.”
