He glanced back at me. “You can’t take a hint, can you?”
“Not from you.”
“I don’t care about the kiss, I don’t care about facts and figures, and I don’t care about you.”
“And you don’t care that you drove me home from the hospital when you didn’t have to.”
His upper lip lifted into a snarl, but I wouldn’t back down.
When he stormed away, I knew this wouldn’t be the end of it. And I worried about how long my strong front would hold up.
Like I said, I can’t lie to you.
12
KAYDEN
Ilost control. I can admit that. Erik wants you to think I have zero self-awareness, but that’s bullshit. I know my shortcomings and don’t need him harping on me.
When I fought that punk at Mister Goodbar, I’d lost control and spent the night in Buffalo’s finest holding cell. Kissing Erik was my latest example of control loss, and the consequences felt even worse. Not that I would admit that to Erik. For one thing, it would prove his point about me being a hothead. And second, it would suggest that I actually wanted that kiss.
You know damn well Erik would have a field day with that. Knowing I’d had a hard time restraining myself would empower him. When he’d approached me in the locker room, I stared into those eyes again, wanting to snatch my teammate, pull him in close, and fall deeply into another kiss.
That would spell disaster. I could never kiss him again, despite the urge. All I could do was avoid him completely, which would be impossible. I would see him on the ice and look at him for too long, thinking of what could be. Then he would do something to piss me off, and I would react, which would be a dagger through my heart.
After film study, I stayed in the team room, which looked a lot like a classroom but it was where the coach analyzed the game tape for us. I understood the risk of staying there after everyone had left, but I was the leader and had a responsibility, no questions asked. Problem was, Erik also considered himself the leader and stayed behind, too, which was bad news.
Maybe he thought I was stupid, but I knew better.
I scooped up my binder full of scouting information, hoping to make a quick exit before Erik could tell me about his latest research into guys kissing guys. Just as I started to push the door open, I heard his voice.
“Kayden, where do you think you’re going?”
I stopped. Not that I had to. I didn’t have to take orders from him, but my nerves were shot, and I didn’t want him getting the upper hand.
“Class,” I said. “You’re not the only one with places to be.”
“Not until I’ve talked to you.”
I turned to him, wondering who he thought he was talking to. He did the same thing the day before. If this kid thought he could pull that authority shit with me, he had another thing coming.
“Look,” I said, “we don’t have anything to say to each other. And I know what you’re going to say. Straight guys do things like this all the time, yadda-yadda-yadda.”
“That’s not what I said.”
“You might as well have. I’m telling you, it’s bullshit.”
“Then why won’t you look directly at me?”
Only when he said that did I realize he was right. I was looking away. Even when I tried to face him, part of me wanted to look past him toward the lockers. Anything to avoid looking directly at his face.
And it wasn’t just because he made me sick. This was survival. Even admitting that to myself felt like a small defeat.On the other hand, I could beat Erik at his own game by looking into those perfect blue eyes, staying strong, and never cracking.
I could will myself through this.
So, I turned to him. “I’m looking at you now, aren’t I?”
“Took you long enough.”
